"A lot of activity in the house," Lawrence says, taking a shot.
His hair turned a stark gray when he was thirty-five, making him look older and wiser than his age. I'm his last patient of the day, so he's wearing jeans and a University of Houston tee.
"Mom's worried about the trip."
"Do you think she's right?"
"Maybe."
"But you're going anyway."
"I made the decision to do the book. Can't back down now."
"Actually you could. The renewed threats give you a strong case for staying here. Why push yourself?"
"Why not?" I say, missing my shot
"Don't play games, Brad. I know you. You were looking for a reason to back out of this trip since Marx first suggested it. Now you're perfectly cool with flying into an unknown."
I bounce the ball and give him a smile. "I'll tell you, but you can't pull the shrink bullshit on me. I'm feeling good. If you ruin that, I won't like you so much anymore."
Smiling at me, Lawrence promises, "No shrink bullshit."
"One of the security people is named Saskia, and we spent last night together."
He looks back at the house and asks, "I saw two women. Does Saskia have dark or red hair?"
"Red," I say, hearing defensiveness in my voice.
"What's she like?"
"Tough, smart, beautiful."
"Like your mom."
Frowning, I grunt, "You said no shrink bullshit."
"I'm talking as one man to another. I married a woman like my mom. Didn't see it at the time, but now I realize that's why my wife got under my skin so fast."
"She's not like Mom. At least, not in any way I can see."
"Your mother is tough. When you went to Hollywood, your mom kept your head on straight. She kept you away from parties, drinking, drugs, and wild girls who only liked you be-cause of your celebrity. Ruth is a tough cookie. I'd assume a woman in Saskia's line of work is a tough cookie too."
"I see what you're saying, but I'm not interested in comparing the woman I slept with last night to my mother."
"Fair enough," Lawrence says, swiping the ball from me and taking a shot. "Do you see this relationship as short term or something that might last?"
"I met her three days ago. How the hell would I know?"
"I don't believe that. All men know if a woman can be more than a sexual relationship."
"I like her. She's complicated as fuck. I don't know what will happen. Stop bugging me."
A smirking Lawrence steps back and allows me to shoot hoops for the next few minutes. I know he wants to help, but my feelings for Saskia are all jumbled up. She's gorgeous, but I only know a little about her. If she gets her way, I'll never learn anything more especially when I see her wanting to end things before they begin.
"I like this woman," I admit.
"It's a big step for you."
Nodding, I shoot the basketball and miss again. "I haven't dated anyone in years. Maybe if I had, I would know how to handle my feelings now."
"Romance is tricky for everyone. Your inexperience doesn't necessarily help or hurt. No two women are the same."
"I doubt there's anyone like Saskia," I say, thinking of her elusive smile.
"I know you want to impress this woman. Just remember to show her the real you and not act a part."
Scowling, I turn away. "I hate when you explain things like I'm a child."
"Sorry, but you had a childlike expression on your face. I also know you fall into the habit of faking things when you're uncomfortable. Remember our sessions for the first two years when you pretended to have certain phobias just to avoid talking about your real phobias?"
Despite him having a point, I hate when he nails me so completely. He's also right about Saskia. I want her, and wanting her is pushing me to do things I'd normally bail on. In fact, I did plan to weasel out of this trip. Then Saskia shows up, and I fear showing any fear in front of her. I want to be a tough guy like Troy and Rafael even if I have to fake it.
15
Saskia
Gossip and Other Girl Activities
Brad's clean male scent lingers on my clothes and hair. I feel his lips on my cheek. No amount of walking around the perimeter, searching for trouble helps me settle down. Troy leaves after an hour, and I catch him giving me a grin. Everyone finds my crush on Brad hilarious. I only want to know how to turn it off.
"You're making me tense," Minka says, sitting on the back porch. "Shake off your bitch vibe."
"I don't know how."
"When was the last time you cried?"
I think back to when Sela died. "I was seventeen."
"You're kidding, right?" Minka cries clearly horrified. "You've gone over a decade without crying? Don't you get your period?"
"I control my emotions."
"Too much, it seems."
"When was the last time you cried?"
"Two days ago while watching that SPCA commercial with the abused animals. Reminded me of my old dog I left behind when I ditched my family. I bet my mom put him in a shelter. Fuck, just thinking about that makes me want to cry right now."