Troy groans. "You're killing me."
His hand slides under my nightgown and gives my clit a few rough strokes. Kissing him, I moan into his mouth as hot pleasure rushes through me. Troy kisses me hungrily, still stroking my clit.
Once I catch my breath, Troy takes his wet fingers from between my legs and slips them into my mouth. I suck at them, loving the taste of our pleasure. Troy's free hand grips my hip, and I move faster with him. He says my name when he comes, making me suck hard at his fingers. I watch the pleasure on his face and feel like a queen.
All morning, we remain tangled under the sheets, working our way around my nightgown, and begging for only a bit more time together before reality tears us apart.
I take a Valium as Troy prepares to leave. He hates to see me cry, and I know I should be strong for him. Still I feel as weak as a baby overwhelmed by a world it doesn’t understand. Troy is my anchor to keep me from washing away in the bullshit filling my head. Without him, I struggle to remain afloat.
Even as the pill blurs my thoughts, I struggle not to hold onto Troy and never let go. Why can’t he stay with me where it’s safe? The question is stupid. I know it is because we'll never truly be safe until Locke is dead. When I’m in his arms, though, life feels easy.
Soon, Troy is out the door, and I sleep for hours in the bedroom. I consider sleeping for the entire time he’s gone, but Minka has other ideas.
The day after Troy leaves, we have a girls’ day at the apartment. Shelley and Harlow join us. First, Minka and I get matching bobs. She loses her long locks in her desire to make me feel less like an idiot for cutting my hair. I like my new style, and even find myself glancing at my reflection in the window.
Harlow is younger than I thought. Only eighteen and already married to a mysterious man like Rafael, she’s overwhelmed by her new life in Houston. I’m surprised by my urge to comfort her. For months, the closest I came to showing interest in others was to lie for Shelley’s benefit. Now I want to take Harlow out and explore Houston with her. In fact, all four of us are new to Houston, and the city has plenty to enjoy. Without realizing it, I’ve begun planning for a future I hadn’t truly believed I might have.
The day with the girls makes me feel normal for a while. Yet once the sun sets, I’m faced with a night without Troy again.
I can’t sleep, and it’s too early to take another pill. Feeling restless, I pace around the large master bedroom while Minka watches one of the Mission Impossible movies in the living room. I don’t want to watch anything with violence, not when I’m worried about Troy.
Back and forth across the room, I pace while remembering every moment I’ve spent with Troy. He still has so many secrets hidden inside, and I want to peel back all his layers until I know everything.
Troy wants the same from me, no doubt. I think of how patient he is when we’re together. The way he craves to explore under my clothes but never forces the subject.
Standing in front of the full-length mirror in the master closet, I stare at myself for a long time. It’s easier to look at my face and new haircut than to study my body. Finally, I take off my nightgown and toss it into the nearby bathroom sink.
Back in front of the mirror, I force my gaze on my body. I want to see myself the way I used to, or, at least, the way Troy does. At first, I only think of all those eyes on me. How they judged me. The way they snickered. Their mocking words. Their dirty hands on me.
I look different than I remember. Thinner maybe. For sure paler. I seem a lot older than I did before Locke took me. This body is mine, though. It will never belong to Locke again.
Unsure of how long I stand in front of the mirror looking at my reflection, I do know I feel happier. Stronger too maybe. Redressing, I realize it's time to take a pill and go to sleep. Even feeling calm, I don't skip my medicine because I made a promise to Troy.
49
~~~
Troy
Debt Paid
Locke lives in a plantation style house. I guess I expected the place to look like a dungeon. The house's appearance matters less than his security system, and Manny promises he can override it to prevent the police from showing up before we're done.
His property is nearly a mile from the nearest residents, perfect for a man holding women hostage. The location's downside is no one will hear our attack.