"True. Just enjoy what you have."
"Before he gets bored and dumps me, right? Is that what you mean?"
"Don't get pissy with me, Darla."
"Yes, Mom."
Sighing, Shelley tells her son to stop bugging her while she's on the phone. I don't blame John for wanting her attention. I miss being around Shelley too.
"They have Locke's real name," I tell her. "They're trying to find him. Soon things will settle down, and we can see each other again."
Shelley makes a strangled squeal. "Oh, Darla, why didn't you start the conversation with that info?"
"Because it's not a done deal, and I didn't want to get your hopes up like I just did."
"You'd be finally, truly free from that freak. We could find you somewhere more comfortable to live."
"The apartment is nice."
"It's not your style. Up high like that and in the loud city. It works for now, but I know it'll never be a home for you."
"You do know me," I say, crying suddenly. "I don't know why I'm upset."
"You're overwhelmed."
Wiping my eyes, I mumble, "I am. I haven't taken a tranquilizer in days. I feel really exposed in these new clothes too. Plus, I stood up to Doctor Parker, and now I'm feeling judged even though she didn't say anything negative to my face."
"I wish I could hug you right now."
"Blow off your responsibilities and drive here."
Shelley is quiet while trying to figure out if I'm serious. When she realizes I wouldn't expect her to bail on her kids, she sighs.
"Maybe Troy can hug you."
Still sniffling even though the crying is over, I think about Troy's arms around me. My dark mood immediately lightens.
"You think I'm an idiot for falling for Troy, don't you?"
"No. I think you're brave. However, I do think you're an idiot for giving me attitude. I ought to ground you."
Laughing, I miss my sister so much. She's been the center of my life for so long that I don't know what I'd do if I had to leave her again. What if Troy wants to leave Houston and asks me to go with him?
Panicking at a question that hasn't been asked, I begin crying again.
"Darla, you need to settle down and relax tonight."
"I sit around all day relaxing."
"I mean relax mentally and emotionally. You're pushing yourself hard lately. You need to take a breather from trying to change and simply enjoy what you've accomplished."
"If I don't push myself, aren't I being lazy and weak?"
"You've always been lazy, so that's nothing new. You're not weak, though."
"Lazy, huh?" I mutter, pretending to be angry as I regain control over my tears again. As soon as I think I'm calm, my panic resurfaces. "What if Troy doesn't fit into our lives here in Houston? What if he wants to leave or doesn't like you or Vern?"
"Why wouldn't he like me?" Shelley balks.
"I don't know, but what if he does? Or what if he dumps me? What if he gets hurt or killed?"
"Stop thinking."
"I try, but then I see so many ugly possibilities. I almost wish I could pop a pill and forget about everything for a while."
"Then take a pill."
Saying nothing, I think of Troy's disappointment if I give into the darkness. Will he understand I'm tired from days of pushing myself? Or will he think the sex shoved me over the edge? I fear showing him how weak I feel. Yet the darkness offers comfort I desperately crave.
"If he's a good man, he'll understand."
"And if he doesn't understand?"
"Then you'll have an answer to some of those questions you're worrying about."
"Okay, but if he dumps me, you'll need to ditch your family and take care of me tonight."
"Deal."
Shelley and I share our farewells with lots of happy talk about our futures once Locke is dead. After hanging up, I wash my face and look for Troy.
Standing in the kitchen with Minka, he looks imposing... scary even. The irritation on his face tarnishes his boyish good looks. I assume they didn't find the smoking gun leading to Locke's current location.
"What?" he asks too roughly.
I flinch instinctively while Minka frowns at him.
"His people skills are tragic."
Troy grunts at Minka, who waves off his irritation. She walks away, disappearing into the second bedroom. Troy studies me for almost a minute before the anger in his expression disappears.
"Bad news?" I ask when he finally wraps me in his arms.
"No, just slow news. I want Locke dead yesterday."
"It'll be okay."
"I know but fuck."
When I lean my cheek against his chest, his racing heart betrays his calm exterior.
"I'm feeling weird today," I mumble. "Good and bad and overwhelmed. I'm taking a tranquilizer tonight if that's okay?"
Troy hears the hesitancy in my voice and his body tenses. "Weird, huh?"
"Overstimulated."
Troy surprises me by laughing. "Is that code for the naughtiness taking place earlier?"
"Naughtiness?" I mutter, frowning up at him.
"The incredible fucking, I mean."
"Oh yeah that, it was great. Now I'm feeling overwhelmed. You fucked me silly apparently."