Frowning, I sit up in bed and rest against the headboard. "I was bored, and she was willing. I know that sounds bad, but I'm a guy."
"Gross."
Seeing me from her point of view, I understand Darla's judgment. "Yeah, and she thought we were going to start dating. I felt like a fucking heel, knowing I didn't want to see her again. She had these big trusting eyes too. I was feeling shitty, so I lied and said if I ever came back to town that I'd hook up with her again." Pausing, I try to remember the girl's name. Ashley. Or maybe Ashland. Ashlyn? "Anyway, I can never go back to Fort Lauderdale."
"My sexual experiences were never all that meaningful, but I knew their names."
"Well, to be fair, I knew her name at the time."
"Gross."
"Would apologizing help?"
"To her?"
Grinning, I sigh again. "I didn't believe in love, but I never had trouble believing in lust."
"I believe in lust too. I've had a bad case of it since you walked into the apartment the first day."
Darla's gaze washes over my chest and stomach. My mind isn't on lust, though.
"My dad loved my mom," I say quietly, "I have no doubt about that, but he replaced her so easily. I never trusted the idea of love after that."
"Parents are awful, aren't they?" she teases, rolling onto her back and pulling the covers over her face. "I should have asked about your health before we had sex. Should I worry about my vagina falling out now?"
Darla's laughter both annoys and invigorates me. I don't want her thinking of me as a sex-crazed pig without control over his junk. Yet a half hour earlier, she was terrified in the bathroom. The fact that she even came out to talk to me was a huge step. Now she's laughing so hard she snorts.
I pull back the blankets and frown at her. "I wouldn't have slept with you if I wasn't clean."
"Clean," she mumbles, laughing again.
Crawling back under the blankets, I wrap my arms around her. "You get silly after sex."
"Not usually. It's probably the drugs."
"Or the incredible fucking."
Darla smiles at me. "You've made me come with your fingers, mouth, and dick. I feel you've thoroughly proved your worth as a lover. I shall keep you."
Now I laugh. "You sound drunk."
"I think I came too hard the last time. Might have popped a few brain cells."
Still laughing, I crawl over her. The nightgown rides up as her bare legs slide against mine. The feel of her skin makes me painfully hard.
"You want me dumber, huh?" Darla says, her fingers teasing the hairs on my chest. "What if I need to do math in the future?"
"Get a calculator," I whisper, kissing her.
Her legs wrapping around me, Darla laughs against my lips. I wait for her to freeze or ask me to back off. In this dimly lit room, she remains relaxed in a way that makes me wonder if this is the real Darla. If so, I could really get used to her looking at me with such need.
37
~~~
Darla
Utterly Owned
The day slips away. I feel the burden of my captivity lift off me whenever Troy is nearby. I almost forget Locke exists in the world. The threat of him lingers in my thoughts, though. I'm worrying again when I talk to Shelley later in the evening while Troy and Minka share security notes.
"I'm in love with Troy," I whisper into the phone as I hide in the bedroom.
"Are you sure?"
"What does that mean?"
"It's been an awful year, and he's handsome and protecting you. I just don't want you to read too much into what could be something different than you're thinking."
Pissed at her reaction, I say nothing for a minute. Finally, I sigh. "Is this because I asked why you loved Vern?"
Shelley laughs, startling me. "You were such a shit back then."
"Well, Vern's a..." I pause to choose my words carefully. "He's a complicated man."
"Yeah, complicated. I'm just not as shallow as you."
"I am shallow. Can't argue you about that."
"Does Troy love you?"
"I don't know."
"Have you asked?"
"No way. What if he says no?"
"What if he says yes?"
"I might even feel worse. I'm already overloaded with the pressure of getting up every day and acting normal. Adding his love could prove too much."
"Does he seem like he cares for you?"
"Yes."
Shelley is quiet for a long time. "Did you... Have you slept together?"
"Yes."
"Wow."
"What?"
"I just didn't think you'd ever have sex again."
"Me neither but my lust was too strong."
"He is very attractive."
"Yeah and he's patient at times. Pushy at others. Never mean, though. I'm still getting to know him, but I already love him."
The more I say the words aloud, the more real they feel. The more painful they feel too. He isn't a Vern-type man, living a safe life. Troy searches for trouble. I don't know if he could ever enjoy a life in Houston where he wasn't hunting or being hunted.
"What do you do now?" Shelley asks, and I hear John talking in the background.
"I don't know. A week ago, I was drugged up and wearing sweats in the heat. Now I'm conscious and having sex. I really don't think I'm the person to ask about what'll happen next week, let alone next month or year."