"That's my boy," Mom snickers.
I hear Nell laughing as we disappear into my bedroom. After slamming the door shut with my foot, I walk to the bed and rest Saskia on her back. She stares at me with a pissed expression.
"What's next, big man?" she growls.
Ignoring her anger, I remove the gun strapped to her hip. Next, I crawl over her while keeping her arms pinned next to her head.
"You're done with Little Maven."
"Says you, but I say I need to finish this thing with Marx."
"Let the others do it."
"No."
Pressing my forehead against hers, I stare into her dark eyes. "Yes because I love you, and I know what's right."
I see a glimpse of the real Saskia behind her stubborn exterior. She wants to be loved. More than that, she trusts that I do love everything about her including her flaws. Yet Little Maven is what she knows.
"When your mother died..."
"When I killed her," she corrects in a cold voice.
"Yes, when you killed her, you didn't know what else to do except to be Little Maven. Now you have a choice. You can retire from the life your mother forced you into and begin a new life where your value doesn't come from hurting people. You're more than violence. You just haven't had a chance to embrace anything except what your mother shoved down your throat when you were too young to say no. Now you can say it."
"I don't want to say no. I want to end this shit with Marx, so you'll be safe. We can't build a life when you're living in fear."
"That's bullshit, and you know it. How many people have you pissed off over the years? Any of them could one day show up and ruin things, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be happy now. Torturing and killing Marx might be necessary, but not if you're the one doing it. You aren't the same woman who walked through my front door weeks ago. That Saskia could hurt Marx without caring. The woman I'm looking at right now can't do that without destroying something important inside her."
Saskia stares at me as our foreheads rest together. I don't know what she's thinking, but I feel the ice around her heart melting. She doesn't want to live a violent life anymore, but starting over is fucking scary.
Her lips lift up to mine, kissing me tentatively. Her head and heart struggle for dominance, and I worry the former will win as usual. Deciding to tip the scales in my favor, I deepen the kiss.
I roll onto my side and wrap her tighter into an embrace. No longer trapped under me, Saskia could run. A part of her likely wants to win for the simple fact that she's accustomed to winning. She doesn't run though.
"I love you," she whispers in between kisses. "I can't let you die."
"I'm not going to die. Not with you around."
"I can make Marx talk."
"I don't need him to talk. What I need is for you to escape from your mother's clutches. She's been dead for too long to have this much hold over you."
"Without Little Maven, who am I?"
"You're my woman."
Saskia frowns at me. "You spent too much time with Rafael."
Grinning, I kiss her again. She relaxes in my arms as her cold exterior disappears.
"I really don't want to leave this house," she murmurs.
"I know that feeling."
"It's not healthy."
"And your old life was? Healthy doesn't mean shit. Happiness should be our goal. Are you happy here?"
Saskia smiles warmly. "Yes."
"You've changed, and I don't think you should force yourself back into that Little Maven box."
"You like being right, don't you, big man?"
"Of course. Don't you?"
"Yes, but you're the nice one."
"I want my woman protected."
Saskia sighs. "Way too much time with Rafael."
"He thinks you talk about your period when you're with other women."
"Of course he does. What do you think we talk about?"
"Dick sizes."
"You're getting warmer," she teases, laughing loudly.
Smiling, I still worry she'll change her mind. I even wonder if she's playing me so she can get her way. Her laughter is too genuine though, and my worries fade.
"You've protected me," I whisper, brushing my lips against her cheek. "Let me protect you now."
Saskia's expression shifts almost immediately, leaving bright fear in her eyes.
"I don't want to hold my tools anymore," she whimpers, looking at her hands. "I don't want to break people, but I need to protect you more."
"You can protect me by staying with me. My sexy butt-kicking bodyguard."
Still rattled, Saskia grips my shirt. "I don't know if I can stop."
"Of course you can. You're strong and smart. You can do whatever in the hell you want."
Saskia's furrowed brow eases, and she smiles slightly. "I want to learn to cook, and Ruth is going to help me. Nell also said she'll teach me to knit. I want to learn things that have nothing to do with my old life. I want to learn to play with the dogs without thinking of them as weapons to use against intruders. You can help me with that part."