Not Going to Happen
Saskia is gone only an hour before I begin pacing. To hell with rational, I want her back at the house. She is happier here with me. I think of how emotional she's been the last few days and know she needs to return to me. I offer a path away from her life as Little Maven.
"It's good for them to get out," Rafael says, watching me pace on the front porch. "Women need to talk about women stuff like shopping and their periods."
I frown at him and he shrugs. "I don't know what they talk about. Makeup, maybe."
"We compare notes on our lovers," Nell announces while passing by the door.
Rafael and I frown together. I don't want Saskia talk about our sex life with her friends. I'm less concerned about being compared to Rafael. He's a big guy, but so am I. Wait, now I'm wondering how I come out of the competition.
"My woman needs more girlfriends," Rafael says, looking at the rustling trees. "Back in Kentucky where she grew up, Harlow had a lot of friends. It's good for women to have someone to talk with. If they can't bitch about us to their friends, they'll complain to us. I'm not looking for any conversations about how I forget to put the seat down or never wash my plate."
"Why not just remember to put the seat down or wash your plate?"
Rafael narrows his eyes. "You're a little bitch, aren't you?"
"Or do I adapt better to their needs than you?"
"Let's play nice and say we're both right."
Giving him a nod, I begin pacing again. Time slows down while I wait for Saskia to return. Rafael comes and goes, checking monitors and making calls. He jogs around the property with the dogs following him. I refuse to leave the porch until Saskia is back in my arms.
All the waiting makes me tense as hell by the time her gold SUV pulls down the drive. Rafael is already packing up to leave and doesn't even wait until Saskia parks her car before he's out of the door. They signal each other, and I sense they know something I don't.
Saskia won't look at me even after stepping onto the porch. When I lean down to kiss her, she steps back and crosses her arms.
"What?"
"Do you remember how I said Marx was a suspect?"
"Yeah, kind of hard to forget," I say, mimicking her by crossing my arms. "He called earlier, and I ignored his message like you said."
"Well, we now think the director of the show, Fred Lorn, was the man behind the cult."
"Fred is dead," I say, frowning harder when I hear the rhyme in my words.
"Yes, but we can dig into his life and learn if he's connected to Marx or the others like Stein."
"And this is why you're distant?"
Saskia shifts from one foot to another before finally taking a step back. "If we go after Marx, we'll need to know who else is involved. We can't assume the danger will end for you once he's gone."
"By gone, I assume you mean dead."
"Yes, unless you want us to have him arrested if we find something. That would mean you'd have to testify against him."
Frowning, I don't know what I want to do with Marx. I only care about Saskia standing away from me. I step closer and cup her jaw. Saskia doesn't want to kiss me. She even pulls away, but I hold her still with my other hand. My lips taste hers. A single moment of heat passes between us before she shuts it all down.
"No," she mutters, breaking free of my grip and ducking under my arm. "I need to stay focused on the job."
"And you can't do that if I kiss you?"
"You make me weak. To handle Marx, I need to be Little Maven."
"Handle him?" I ask, thinking about what she means. "What if I say we find something on him and call the cops? No handling him necessary. What then?"
Saskia refuses to look at me, even after I erase the distance between us. "What then?" I ask again.
"That's not the right call. Marx might go to jail and still send people after you. We don't know how he communicated with the guy from New York. We don't know how many people are in the cult or if they're here in Texas now. He knows the answers, but he won't tell us willingly."
"You don't want to do that anymore," I whisper, taking her shaking hands in mine. "You aren't Little Maven anymore."
Saskia yanks her hands-free. "I have to be to finish this."
"Then I'm firing you. It's not your job anymore to finish."
Her gaze meets mine, and I see her shutting down her feelings towards me. Saskia loses all of the warmth in her expression, and her hands stop shaking. She's hiding away all of the good inside her, so she can return to a life of blood and pain. A life she doesn't want anymore but will endure to protect me.
Not going to happen.
A startled Saskia gasps when I pick her up and toss her over my shoulder.
"Very caveman-like," she mutters, hanging limply from me.
"You'd do the same thing to me if I was reckless."
Saskia doesn't answer as I carry her into the house. Mom and Nell look at us, exchange amused glances, and return to watching TV.