Today’s the last day here. Tomorrow I’m traveling with Max. Soon, we’ll be on a beach somewhere, soaking up the sun, and it will be great. I’ve repeated this to myself over and over since early this morning. Max has gone with Marcum; he said he had a surprise for me. He wouldn’t tell me what it was, but said he’d be back this afternoon. He’s been so relaxed since yesterday. I can’t stop the self-satisfied smile that spreads on my lips. Yesterday was amazing. My hand goes to my hip, and I move my finger over the area where the tattoo rests beneath my skirt. Yesterday was…
“You look like a woman in love,” Cherry says, interrupting my thoughts.
“That obvious?” I ask with a smile, turning to my side, to talk to her. We’re in the kitchen. It’s pretty quiet at the club. Marcum has put a lockdown in place since Max and I have been back. He’s limiting the people in and out of the compound. I haven’t ventured anywhere, other than my room and the kitchen. I’m being paranoid I know, but I don’t want to do anything that might jeopardize us leaving, and Max finally being safe.
“Girl, you’re practically glowing.”
Her words make the panic inside of me increase. I’m hiding a secret. I’d like to think I’m still unsure, but something inside of me tells me I’m not. It’s there, and I’m terrified.
“Yeah, right,” I joke. “What you mean is I glow in the dark because I haven’t been outside in days.”
“Whatever you say. I was about to go out to the store with a couple of the other old ladies, and the watchdog Marcum assigned us. Thought I’d check and see if you needed anything.”
I think about it. Should I ask Cherry for help? I wring my hands together, worrying.
“Honey?” Cherry asks putting an arm around my back. I let her lead me to the table and sit down.
“Are you having second thoughts?”
“No. Not at all. I love Max.”
“Honey, no one would doubt that; I’ve seen you around him. I’m just saying you’ll be giving up a hell of a lot for that boy, and no one would blame you if you want to back out.”
“No. I want to be with Max. He’s where I belong.”
“Tess, I wouldn’t judge you…”
“I’m pregnant!” I blurt out in a panic. If I don’t get the words out, I may strangle on them. I’ve suspected it for days, but I keep ignoring it. I can’t avoid it anymore.
Cherry goes silent. It’s understandable. I don’t even know how I feel about it. I go back to wringing my hands together and worrying.
“Are you positive?”
“No. I mean obviously I haven’t taken a test or anything. I haven’t had a period since Max and I have been together though and I’m never late. Never.”
“Well sometimes stress can work havoc on a women’s cycle, and we both know you’ve been under that. Maybe you’re worrying for nothing?” Cherry says, trying to sound hopeful.
“Maybe,” I whisper, but I know better.
“Do you not want a baby?” Cherry asks me, and her question loosens the tight rein I’ve had on my emotions. I burst into tears. “Oh, honey,” she coos, going to her hands and knees in front of me and extending up so she can wrap me in her arms. I take her comfort. I’m scared. Terrified. “Talk to me, Tess.”
Eventually, I get enough control and dry my eyes with the paper towel that Cherry stuffs into my hands. Talk to her? Do I dare utter the fears that I keep drowning in? The ones I’ve held in for days; afraid to voice?
“I want my baby more than anything in the world. I want Max’s baby,” I whisper touching my stomach gently. I don’t even know for sure I’m pregnant, but I swear I can feel the baby’s presence.
“Then why so many tears?” Cherry asks, but she knows. How could she not?”
“What kind of life is it for a baby knowing that her parents are hunted fugitives? What if we’re found? What if I’m arrested, and I’m pregnant? Worse, what happens if Max finds out? With his history, how will he react to having a child, with me? I can’t believe I let this happen, Cherry. I’m so scared.”
“Okay, you’re searching out all of the worst case scenarios. You know them logically, but you still decided to skip the country with Max. What’s the difference?” she asks, and I have to think about it.
“Making decisions when it is just Max and I involved, is one thing. An innocent child shouldn’t have to suffer from decisions that its parents make.”
“Oh please, what kind of world do you live in? That happens every damn day,” she argues.
“Maybe so, but it’s not what I want for my child. I want something better than I had, you know?”
“Tess, you’ve told me about your life. This baby will have two people that love it unconditionally. It’s already doing better than the hand you were dealt.”