"You're sure it's not too late, Ellie?" Nolan takes a deep breath.
I stand at the doorway to my apartment, dressed in only a pair of shorts and my NYPD T-shirt. The shirt was a gift from Adley when I graduated from college. She knows I hope to replace it with a full uniform one day.
"I told you it wasn't." I did say that when he called fifteen minutes ago. That was close to midnight. I'd brushed my teeth and gone to bed when my phone started to ring. I answered immediately and was relieved when he said that everything was okay. I agreed to let him come over because I know that all the questions I have for him will keep me wide awake.
"Where's your roommate?" His eyes scan the interior of the apartment. "Her name is Adley, right?"
"Yes." I step aside so he can enter. "She works at a vet clinic. She was called in for an emergency."
"She's a vet?" The cock of his brow doesn't hide his surprise.
Adley is too often mistaken for a typical blond with big tits. She owns that but only because she's confident in her intelligence. She knows she brings a lot to the table and to any person who spends the time to get to know her. "She will be. She's an assistant right now."
He nods. He skims his hands over the jeans he's wearing. "Can we sit down and talk?"
I like to pace when life throws me a curveball. More often than not, I walk. I can put miles on my running shoes in a day if I feel stress. I already did that tonight after I ate too much ice cream.
I took on the paths of Central Park when the sun was setting. It was filled with people, but with my earbuds in and my favorite songs on repeat, I was able to find my center again. It feels out of reach again now that Nolan has walked through my door.
"Do you want anything?" I stand when he takes a seat on the fabric couch that came with the place. "I only have water or juice. I can make coffee if you want."
"No." He takes a deep breath. "Please sit, Ellie. Let me explain."
I sit far from enough from him that I'm satisfied he can't reach out and touch me. I don't want that. I can't feel his skin against mine as I listen to this. "What's your daughter's name?"
He looks surprised. He swallows before he answers. "May. Her name is May."
"May," I repeat it quietly. "It's pretty."
"She's pretty." His brows are drawn. "I'd tell you that she's the prettiest girl in the world, but I'm her dad, so my perception is skewed. Aside from that, she is the prettiest little girl I've ever seen."
"What does she look like?"
He moves. His legs spread as he reaches toward his front pocket but then he stops. "I could show you some of the pictures I have on my phone but I'd much rather you see for yourself in person. I'd like you to meet her."
I'd like that too. I think. At some point, I would like it. Not now. Not yet.
He looks at me pensively. "I don't tell the women I spend time with about May. I haven't until now. I'm protective of her. I need to be."
"Aren't all fathers protective of their daughters?" I ask with a smile.
"I suppose they are." He studies the room we're in. There's nothing notable about it but his gaze slides over every piece of furniture and the framed pictures of Adley's family.
He's waiting. Waiting for me to say something. Anything.
"I meant what I said in my office earlier, Ellie." He shifts in his seat, moving closer to where I am. "I'd like us to date exclusively. I realize I made the suggestion before you knew I was a single dad, but I still want us to spend time together."
I nod, but what comes out of my mouth isn't fueled by my desire to date him. It's driven by my need to know more about his daughter, and her mother. The woman he made love to and created a life with. "What's your relationship with May's mom like? Is it civil? Do you see her often?"
Closing his eyes, he bows his head, his hand scrubbing over the back of his neck. "I don't see her. I don't know her. I have no idea who May's mother is."
Chapter 29
Nolan
She looks at me the way you'd expect a woman to look at a man who she believes is throwing bullshit in her direction.
I brace for the question. It's the same question I've heard from my family, from Crew, and before his death, even my grandfather sat me down and looked me in the eye before he asked it.
"You don't know who her mother is? How is that possible, Nolan?"
When you fuck so many women that you can't remember names or faces it suddenly becomes possible.
When you look into the face of a baby and see only yourself reflected back, it becomes possible.
"May was left just inside the lobby doors of the building I took you to last night. She was an infant. There was a note with her addressed to me. It was handwritten but untraceable. There was nothing else left with her other than a blanket and the diaper she was wearing."
Her eyes flick across my face at lightning speed. "Someone just left her all alone?"
I nod. "The doorman found her once she started crying. He called me and I called the police."