The doorman gave me a curt nod as I passed by. I didn't stop to ask him if I could go up to see Nolan. I haven't been invited. I understand why now.
"He told you that he's never had a girlfriend and yet he has a daughter?" Adley dips her spoon into the container of cookie dough ice cream she pulled out of our freezer. "This has to be one of those broken condom babies."
I scowl as I look at her. "It's Nolan's daughter, Ad. Even if she wasn't planned, she's his daughter."
She quiets, her lips thinning as recognition brightens her eyes. I'm a baby that was the result of a mistake. My mother told me as much before she died. My father said otherwise after we'd buried her. I knew it was my mom telling me the truth. They never lived in the same house. I don’t recall a time the two of them were together in a room, other than at the funeral home when he paid for her service and kissed the dark wood of her coffin as tears streamed down his face.
"When they talked about Crew's niece they must have been talking about her," I murmur. "That's why he had the hay on his shoulder and the earring on his ear. It was because of her."
"They seem close enough to be brothers," Adley offers. "Kids are fun, Bean."
They are fun. Every moment I ever spent with Jayce, Tad's seven-year-old son, was a treasure to me. I didn't think I'd love him when I first met him, but the deep love I developed for him drove me to beg Tad to move his company headquarters to Las Vegas so we could be closer to Jayce after Tad's ex-wife remarried.
Our visits with him were limited to every Wednesday night and alternating weekends, but I made the most of the time. When Tad dumped me, I lost Jayce too. I never saw him again even though I held tightly to the faint hope that Tad would let me say goodbye to him. That never happened.
"I know they are." I cover my mouth with my hand. I don't want to say Jayce's name because it hurts so much when I think of him. Adley knows that. She's shied away from talking about him since Tad left me.
"Your nieces are a blast. You love them like mad."
I do love them. All three of them are unique, even though the two eldest are identical twins. I can tell them apart because I've known them since the moment they were born seven years ago. Megan has a freckle on the tip of her nose that her twin sister, Melrose, doesn't have.
"I haven't seen them since I've been back," I admit. "I miss them."
"Queens is a subway ride away." She rests her spoon on the table. "We can go see them this weekend. I'd love to see them again."
The slight change in subject is helping, but not enough to make me forget that the man I had sex with last night has a child. "Why do you think he didn't tell me about her?"
She places the lid back on the ice cream container. "Can I get real, Bean?"
"I guess?" I shrug my shoulders. "Have you not been real up to this point?"
Her eyes drop to the table before she looks at me straight-on. "I don't think he tells most of the women he's fucking about his daughter. If I had a kid, I don't know if I'd tell a random guy I hooked up with that I was a mom. Actually, I know that I wouldn't. It's private. It just seems to me that it's one of those things you tell a person you know has potential."
Her words mirror the thoughts that have been playing on a loop in my mind all afternoon. I've tried to reverse the roles and placed myself in Nolan's shoes. I doubt like hell I'd tell a man if I had a child unless I knew it was something he needed to know because our relationship warranted it. I know, without a doubt, that I wouldn't let him meet my child until I knew there was a foundation with some strength between us.
With Tad it was different. We'd known each other for months before we ever hooked up. I knew about Jayce long before I fell in love with Tad. I sometimes wonder if my love for Jayce skewed my feelings for Tad.
"What about her mom?" Adley goes on when I don't respond. "Has he said anything at all about who that might be? He has to have a relationship with her, even if it's just a cordial passing off of their daughter during parental visits."
"No, not a word." I open the ice cream container back up and dip in my spoon. I didn't take Adley up on her offer to indulge when she pulled it out of the freezer. Now, with the added stress of thinking about the mother of Nolan's child, I can't resist the temptation. "He's never mentioned a woman to me other than Shelby."
"The thief he was having dinner with at Meadow?"
"That's her." I let the ice cream melt on my tongue before I swallow. "I don't know who he had a child with."
"You'll find out soon enough." She raises her spoon in the air as if to toast. "Here's to Nolan's baby mama. Let's hope she's everything he never wants again."
I laugh to bite back the anxiety I feel. My parents thought they hated each other for years and yet, my dad died still as in love with my mom as the day I was conceived.
***