Pucked Up

Vi meets me at the door when the buzzer goes off. She cringes at the state of my arms. “Everything’s a go. The vegan menu is on the counter with all of Sunny’s favorites highlighted. Order one of each, and you’ll be golden.”


“Okay. Thanks for all your help, except the arm cream.”

“Does it hurt a lot?”

“It feels like I doused them in acid and threw some vinegar on them for good measure.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll eat ice cream as penance when I get home. Put gauze on it before you go to bed, or you’ll stick to your sheets.” She gives me a huge hug. “I’d wish you luck, but coming from me it’s like the kiss of death.”

I follow her to the door, clear my throat even though it’s not scratchy, and hit the intercom button. “Hello?”

“Miller? It’s Sunny.”

“Hey! Right on time. I’ll buzz you in.”

“Okay. See you in a minute.”

Vi slips on her blinged-out flip-flops, pats me on the cheek, and leaves. I do one more check through the condo to make sure I haven’t left any crap lying around, spray my arms with the numbing solution again, rinse with mouthwash, make sure the wine is chilling in the fridge since Sunny likes white, and wait for her to knock on the door. After a couple minutes there’s still nothing, so I peek out into the hallway.

She’s out there, except she’s standing in front of my neighbor’s door. “Hey,” I say before she raises her hand to knock. If Vi’s right about my neighbor being a porn star, she’s the last person I want Sunny to meet right now.

She stops and looks my way, her confusion turning into a smile. “I almost knocked on the wrong door,” she whispers and tiptoes down the hall toward me. She’s wearing a summery dress. It’s off white with wide straps. I doubt she’s wearing a bra. The promise of fall gives a chill to the evening air. If she gets cool enough, I might be able to see her nipples through it. I stop thinking about sex long enough to answer with an appropriate, non-offensive reply.

“You’re good. I caught you.” I wink and open the door wide. “Come on in.”

Sunny kicks off her shoes and looks around. “This is nice. It’s big.”

“Thanks. It’s nothing like Waters’ cottage or his condo in Toronto, but it’s got an outdoor pool. And it’s dog friendly.” I don’t know why I tell her that. It’s not like she’s going to bring Andy or Titan on a plane to visit for the weekend.

“Really? That’s great.”

She fiddles with her hair, and I hook my thumbs into my pockets—even the backs of my knuckles are burned from that hair-removal crap.

We stand there for another minute. It’s probably not that long; it just feels that way because neither one of us is talking—instead we’re staring at each other.

Any other time I’ve had a woman back to my place, it’s been for the sole purpose of fucking. Sometimes there’s food involved, but that’s usually afterward. Sex makes me hungry. This is the first time I’ve ever done this with the intention of having real conversation and dinner prior to getting Sunny into my bed. I wish there was a manual to consult.

“Can I show you around?” I gesture to the open concept living room-kitchen-dining room combo.

“Can I hug you first?”

“What? Oh. Yeah. For sure.” Physical contact I can do. I hold my arms out. She presses her entire body against mine. It feels really nice. I wrap my arms around her shoulders and drop my face into the crook of her neck. I wish I could turn her smell into an air freshener.

Sunny sighs and burrows in, her arms tightening around me. We stand like that until I start to get an obvious hard-on. I back off, expecting Sunny to do the same. Instead she lifts her head and licks her lips.

It’s the sign.

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