“Damn it,” I hissed, tightening my grip on the steering wheel.
“If the idea of penetration bothers you, then we can stick with strictly oral,” she added.
And fuck, just hearing her say penetration and oral had me so hard it wasn’t even funny.
“Sarah, don’t. Just...stop right there. You don’t know what you’re asking.”
She scowled. “I’m asking you to have sex with me. Once.”
I closed my eyes and groaned. “No. You’re asking me to destroy our friendship.”
With an irritated bark of laughter, she demanded, “How would it destroy our friendship? I’m not asking you to date me. I’m not even asking for you not to sleep with other people, because I just want one time, one experience to check off my bucket list. And then we can go on as if it never happened.”
As if it never happened, huh? Right. Just fuck the girl of my dreams, the person I loved above all others, and then carry on and forget about it.
What the fuck ever.
“Well, excuse me,” I gritted out, “if I don’t feel like playing your fucking stud horse for rent!” I turned down her street. “You can’t just borrow my dick for a few hours for no other reason than you want to know what it feels like inside you. I’m your best fucking friend on earth. I don’t think I deserve to be used like that.”
Sucking in a breath, Sarah hugged herself. “I..I...you know I didn’t mean it that way.” But I was too mad to answer, so she shuddered out the lungful she’d just inhaled and turned to look out her window.
I probably should’ve apologized, but...what the hell? I’d been crazy about this girl for half my life, and she only wanted to bang me one time for curiosity’s sake? Fuck that. Why didn’t she just rip out my heart and spit on it while she was at it?
Seething, I ground my teeth as we pulled to the curb in front of her place. Killing the engine, I sat there, without moving, without speaking, yet not ready to finish this until I knew she was okay. No matter how much she’d hurt me, I didn’t want her going away tonight feeling bad. The whole purpose of this outing had been to boost her confidence, not dent it up some more.
“A simple no would’ve sufficed,” she said in a low voice. “You didn’t have to make me feel so shitty for asking a single question.”
Damn it. I knew I’d hurt her. “I didn’t mean to make you feel—”
“Well, you did! You made me feel as if I don’t even have a right to experience a little physical pleasure.”
“That is so not true,” I growled. “You—”
“You kissed me because I wanted to know what that felt like,” she ranted on. “You took me on a date because I wanted to experience one.”
With a harsh laugh, I ran my hand through my hair. “A date and a kiss are a hell of a lot different than fucking. You can’t get pregnant from a kiss. There’s no risk of STDs from a date. You have to strip naked and get all up in each other’s business when you have sex. So trust me, kissing is totally not as intimate and binding as me putting my cock inside you and making you come would be.”
Shoving her door open, she muttered, “You certainly don’t have any problems shoving it inside every other woman on the planet.”
Her snidely delivered comment pissed me the fuck off. I’d wanted her since I was sixteen. I’d fallen hard and would’ve given my soul for something deep and meaningful, but she was the one who hadn’t even noticed me in that way. The only reason I’d ever gone to other women was because I couldn’t have her. Oh, but now, all these years later, she thought she could just crook her finger and I’d instantly fall on my back, cock in the air, panting for her to climb on just because she wanted to get rid of her stupid fucking v-card? She didn’t even want me specifically; she just wanted a trusty dick she could rely on.
Well, fuck...her.
I slammed my way out of the truck and jerked her wheelchair a little more roughly from the bed of my truck than I probably should have.
“Easy!” she barked, earning an icy glare from me as I snapped the chair open for her and then stepped back, letting her attend to the rest.
I couldn’t watch as she eased down. And I only ground my teeth and jutted out my jaw when she snapped, “Don’t follow me this time.”
Standing there, tense and boiling, I stayed by my truck until she was safely in the house with the front door shut. Then I slammed my fist into the side of my paint job and muttered, “Mother...fucker.”
Sliding to the ground, I gripped my head as I tried not to implode. The girl I wanted above all others finally wanted me back, and yet it was wrong. All wrong.