“I am absolutely one hundred percent positive nothing we did triggered my stroke.”
Indecision—but mostly temptation—clouded his face. He returned to me, sitting next to me on the bed. “But aren’t you still at risk? How long is this overdose going to put you in danger?”
I grabbed the front of his shirt and hauled him close. “It’s been fifteen days since you were last inside me. I’m not waiting any longer.” I leaned in until my breath washed across his lips. “Now kiss me.”
His gaze heated as he scanned my face. Then he licked his lips as he focused on my mouth. “Damn, that was hot.”
“Then kiss me already.” When I tried to tug him forward more, however, he resisted. Our faces were only inches apart as he cupped my cheeks.
“Sarah, I refuse to do anything to hurt you.”
“Cock deprivation—especially deprivation from your cock—is a very serious offense. That could hurt me.”
He laughed, only to follow it with a groan as he pressed his forehead to mine. “Baby, I want you so bad I ache, but—”
“No buts. I’m fine. I can feel what’s going on inside me better than anyone else, and I...have...recovered. Now let me prove it to you.”
I fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, needing it open so I could touch his chest. But he caught my fingers. “No. Sarah...no!”
He surged off the bed, lifting his hands as he backed away from me.
“Brandt,” I growled, gritting my teeth. “You have never once in your life let my cerebral palsy come between us. Don’t let it now.”
“That’s not what I’m doing.” Hugging himself, he shook his head and backed a few more feet away from me. “I’m scared,” he whispered, his face going red. “I’m so fucking scared. You didn’t see what it did to you. You had no idea what I went through, helplessly watching you seize up and have a fucking stroke. I can’t...I just can’t risk that again.”
“Baby.” I held my hand out toward him. “It’ll be okay. I’m right here with you. We’ll do this together, slow and easy the first time. You’ll see. It’ll be fine.”
“Don’t fucking push me, Sarah. I said no.”
“God...dammit,” I muttered, balling my good hand into a fist. “You are so fucking stubborn. I wish I had a pair of sharp, pointy tongs to chuck right at your head.”
He blinked and crinkled his brow. “Tongs?”
“I don’t know!” I railed, losing my temper. “Just...it’s the first thing that came to my mind. Now get out. Get out of my fucking room. If you’re too much of a pussy who can’t even try to have the most amazing relationship you know we could have, then get the fuck out, and don’t ever come back.”
“Whoa.” He lifted his hands, and his eyebrows spiked up under his hairline. “Okay, you’re being totally irrational right now. I’ll be back when you calm down.”
“I said don’t come back!” I yelled at his back as he turned toward the door and fled the room. “Dammit.”
As soon as I was alone, tears immediately filled my eyes and dripped down my cheeks. My chest heaved as I tried to wipe them away. But they were coming so fast I couldn’t see anything but blurry spots of light and dark.
I wanted to call after him, make him come back so I could apologize. I think my temper had died the moment the door had latched closed behind him. And now...now I just felt stupid and alone. And miserable.
God, why did I always try to push sex on him? Admittedly, this time hadn’t been about sex as much as it’d been about him taking a chance on us, trusting me, and sticking around no matter what.
Except he hadn’t stuck around, he hadn’t taken a chance, and he hadn’t trusted me.
Unable to stop shaking, I hugged myself and wept harder. I was so busy heaving out a sob that I barely heard the tap to my window.
Pausing, I lifted my head and strained my ears. The tap came again.
With a gasp, I crawled that way and peered out to see Brandt standing with his head bowed and hands in his pockets.
It took me longer to open my window than usual because my left arm was pretty much useless, but I swear, sheer determination got the job done.
“Let me guess,” I said, sniffing up the last of my drying tears. “You knew I was in here crying, so you had to come back.”
He lifted his face. “You know me; can’t let you cry alone.”
Lips tightening from the grin I was fighting, I sat back as he crawled inside. “So?”
Sighing, he closed the window and turned to me, his blue eyes swirling with the same unreadable gaze he’d had the night he’d come here after learning about my first date. Then he shook his head and his shoulders fell. “I don’t know if I’m just a selfish bastard because I want you so much or an idiot for believing you when you say you’ll be okay, but...fuck it. I can’t live the rest of my life without ever having you again. I’m sorry. I—”
I cut him off by kissing him. Hard.