Clenching the steering wheel, he’d gritted out, “You stupid fucking idiot. If she dies tonight, I’ll kill you.”
And he hadn’t spoken to me since.
Closing my eyes and trying to breathe through the fear, I didn’t bother telling him he needn’t bother. If Sarah died, I’d take myself out.
All the oxygen in my lungs rushed from me in a petrified shudder.
Jesus, she’d better not die. I wouldn’t survive it.
When footsteps clattered into the room, I looked up only to find Reese rushing inside. She’d had to stay back with the kids and wait for Pick to show up and babysit.
“Anything?” she asked breathlessly, darting her gaze between me and Mason.
Mason sprang from his chair. “No. Not yet.” He yanked her against his chest and hugged her hard, burying his face in her hair.
I had to look away, because I needed Sarah here to hug and reassure me.
Pain passed through my abdomen, making me double over and hug my stomach. But I kept sitting there, repressing the urge to slam my fists into the closest wall or break down into tears.
I’m not sure how long I’d sat there, just holding it all in, when someone said, “Brandt?”
I looked up to find Noel, Colton and Ten slowly approaching, looking wary and cautious.
Blinking, I shook my head, confused. “What’re you guys doing here?”
“Pick called,” Noel explained as he sat next to me. “We’re here for you. How’s she doing? Have you heard anything yet?”
I shook my head and glanced around for Mason and Reese, but they were no longer in the room. Worried I’d missed something, I jerked to my feet, but Colton caught my arm.
“They’re in the hallway,” he murmured, the warning in his gaze telling me not to go near them.
“And Lowe seems pissed,” Ten added. “At you.”
“What happened?” Noel asked, rising back to his feet after me.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block the memory of Sarah convulsing on her bed. “We had sex,” I whispered.
“But...I thought you two had already—”
“It was kinkier this time,” I bit out, glaring at Colton until he clamped his mouth shut. Then my shoulder collapsed as the grief gripped me all over again. “She, uh, the seizures started as soon as I untied her.”
All three of my brothers winced.
“Damn,” Ten murmured.
I pierced him with a harsh glance, prepared for one of his inappropriate, asinine comments, so I could punch him into next week. I actually craved it; I wanted to hit something so bad. But he only sent me a sympathetic cringe, and I was tempted to jack him in the jaw anyway, just to relieve some of the agony.
In the hall, I heard someone say, “Sarah Arnosta’s family,” and I lurched that way, desperate to hear good news.
By the time I made it into the hall, Noel, Ten and Colton piling after me, the doctor was already speaking to Mason and Reese. “...appears to have been the result of a stroke.”
A stroke?
I choked on my shock, and my knees buckled underneath me. The only reason I didn’t go down was because one of my brothers latched his hand around my arm, supporting me. But it still felt as if I fell into a huge, harrowing abyss. The air sucked from my lungs as black spots dotted my vision.
All the while, the doctor kept talking, explaining that the damage had happened to the weaker side of Sarah’s brain. She was no longer hemorrhaging, and the only thing they were worried about at the moment was her eyesight and maybe some paralysis on her left side.
I bowed my head, trying to breathe normally and failing until the doctor said he’d have a nurse return with more news as soon as Sarah was moved to a patient room. As his footsteps faded away, I looked up, seeking out Mason. He looked as white as a sheet. I had a feeling I hadn’t fared the doctor’s diagnosis any better.
Sarah had had a stroke.
And it was my fault.
“Mason,” I croaked, reaching for his arm. “Jesus, God. I’m sorry. I’m so—”
“Don’t.” He shoved my hand before I made contact. The glare he sent me caused a sob to claw its way out of my throat. “Don’t even talk to me. Just...get out of my face.”
“But...” I opened my mouth to beg mercy, except I knew I didn’t deserve any. I didn’t deserve his forgiveness. I didn’t deserve to fucking live.
I’d caused my favorite person on earth to have a stroke. I could’ve killed her.
“Get him away from me,” Mason growled to Noel. “And keep him away from my sister.”
“Come on, Brandt,” Noel murmured sadly, reaching for my arm.
I pulled out of his grip. “No.” I wasn’t leaving. I couldn’t leave until I was with Sarah again.
“Brandt,” my brother said a little more firmly. “Let’s go.” When he reached for me again, I dodged him.
“I have to see Sarah.” I had to see her right then. I was beginning to feel panicked and unsteady, and no one calmed me like Sarah.
Sarah would make this better.