I heard my mother’s voice in my head, the disappointment with which she said the words. Yes, I supposed I was just like my father. I loved farming, loved the smell of dirt and the way the tiny shoots pushed their way out of the ground. I took satisfaction in work that required the strength of my body and my own two hands. I felt a deep pride in our family business, knowing that the food we grew was shipped all over the United States, that a part of our labor of love was placed on dinner tables and in fancy restaurants, in grocery stores, and picnic baskets. For that, I was simple, I guessed. Simple, introverted, and far too serious, just exactly the way he was. And I didn’t know how to be any different even when I made a point to try.
According to my mother, my father had stifled her, given her a life that leeched the joy right out of her soul and left her a restless, dissatisfied person. At least that’s what I’d heard her say to Grandma Lois a few years ago before she’d died. Would I do the same to Lia? If I asked her to stay with me someday, would she lose her joy and become restless, too? I frowned slightly, disturbed by my own line of thinking.
“How are you liking high school so far?” I asked, wanting to change the subject. We were in school together now, but we’d never been before. She’d gone to different elementary and middle schools.
Her eyes lingered on me a beat too long, but then she shrugged, looking away. “It’s fine.”
“How come you never come over to sit with us at lunch? You never even say hi.”
She smiled, tilting her head, her dark curls falling over her shoulder and causing my breath to catch. “You’re all older and . . . I’m not part of that crowd.”
“You could be.”
She shook her head, looking away again, that same troubled frown reappearing. “No, I couldn’t be, even if I tried. Remember what happened when I tried to go blonde? It’s about parameters.”
I gave her a confused frown, the word pricking at my memory, though I couldn’t quite place it. “Parameters?”
She laughed softly. “Some things shouldn’t be forced, let’s put it that way.”
Her words saddened me. Did she think she wouldn’t be accepted if she hung out with us at school? I’d just assumed she’d rather sit with the people she sat with in the lunchroom—kind of a motley crew, but they were her friends. But if she was staying away from Cole and me in public because she thought we’d rather it be that way, I had to set her straight. The only reason we ever excluded her from anything—like the public pool—was if we thought it would make her feel awkward or put her in an uncomfortable position. “Lia—”
Cole let out a loud yawning moan and sat up, distracting me from what I’d been about to say. “How long was I out?”
“Not long.”
He sat up fully, running a hand through his hair. “We should go, Pres. We’re supposed to help Dad on the farm today.”
I nodded reluctantly. I could have stayed on that sunny rock for the rest of the afternoon, talking softly to Lia and listening to the lap of the creek as it ran past us. But there was never a lack of work to do on a farm and this had been meant only as a short break from the heat.
“I’ll walk you home,” I said to Lia as we all stood and began gathering our things. I didn’t know exactly where she lived but I knew the general direction.
“Don’t be silly. I’ve made the walk a thousand times.”
I pictured her walking through the farmlands and back roads, her long, browned legs moving swiftly, her dark curls flowing down her back, and felt the grip of protectiveness I’d always felt for Lia and usually wasn’t certain how to manage. She was so damned independent. So insistent on doing everything by herself. “I think—”
“Stop thinking so much,” she teased. “I’m fine. Anyhow, I have to go into town to pick up a few things for my mama so I’ll be on public roads the whole time.”
“Then I’ll go back to the farm and get our truck.” Dad had bought Cole and me a new truck on our seventeenth birthday. Even though we had to work out a schedule of who used it when, it was so much better than having to borrow our parents’ cars. And it worked out because Cole went out far more often than I did anyway. If he wanted to use it, it was generally available.
But Annalia waved me off. “No. I like to walk.” I wanted to push it, but what was I supposed to do? Force her to accept a ride when she had made it clear she didn’t want one?
“All right,” I said, sighing. I supposed she had made the walk a thousand times and was even more familiar than I was with everything along the way.
We said goodbye and began the short walk back to our farm. I got lost in my own thoughts and didn’t notice that Cole was quieter than usual until he stopped, turning toward me, one hand on the towel slung over his shoulder. “I think I’m going to ask Lia out.”
For a minute the words didn’t make sense and then a fierce blast of jealousy punched at my guts. “What?”
“Oh come on, you haven’t noticed how gorgeous she is?”
“Of course I have. But Lia’s always been gorgeous.”
He squinted up at the sun. “Yeah, but she was a kid. Now . . .”
“She’s only fourteen.”
“Old enough.”
“Old enough for what?” My voice sounded like a cold hiss, even in my own head. I scratched my bare stomach, feigning nonchalance.
Cole’s smile was slow and knowing. “Old enough to kiss.”
“Lia’s never been kissed before.”
“How do you know?”
“I just . . . fucking do,” I sputtered. Or I figured. Who would she be kissing? I suddenly felt mildly panicked as if I hadn’t been paying enough attention and someone had wormed his way past me and gotten to my Lia. My Lia? Maybe I’d taken it for granted that she’d just always be there, and all I needed to do was wait for her to grow up a little bit.
“Are you interested in Lia, Pres?” he asked casually.
“Yeah. But she’s too young now. I just . . .” I was waiting for her. I’ve always been waiting for her. I ran my hand through my hair. I wasn’t just . . . interested, didn’t just think she was pretty. It was more than that. I didn’t know how to voice my feelings for Lia, even to my brother. The emotions inside me felt too big to put into words.
“We’re going to college next year,” Cole said. “Time is of the essence.” He gave me an easy grin, the one the girls apparently lost their minds over.
Someday, I’m going to leave here . . .
Only, Cole was right. We were the ones who were going away. But I hadn’t decided on the location—how near or far—and it’d always just been a given that I’d be back. I’d be back for Lia. Oh God, I’d stupidly assumed I had time . . . that waiting was the right thing to do. Maybe I’d been wrong. No, I’d definitely been wrong.
“But, what about Shayna?” I asked, the mild panic I’d felt a few moments ago, blooming inside me.
Cole shrugged. “There’s nothing serious between us. We’re only having some fun.”
“Is that what Lia would be to you? Fun?”
“You know she means more to me than that.” Yeah. Yeah, I did and that’s what made this unexpected turn of events so incredibly awful. “I’d wait for the timing to be right,” he added. Right timing? No timing was right for him to move in on Lia. I stared at him for a moment, a red cloud filling my brain.
“But, I—”
“Hey, if you’re interested, too, let’s race for her,” Cole suggested.
“Race for her?”
“Yeah, a foot race like we used to have when we were in track. Winner earns first dibs on Lia.”