I let out a rush of breath and pulled away. Did he really have no idea how few friends I had? “That’s not likely, Cole.” I was only fifteen, but even so, the only boys who had ever even given me the time of day were Preston and Cole. And that might be mostly because we’d been friends since we were little kids.
I shook my head. “But . . .” I paused as I gathered my thoughts, “you have so much living to do. This is your dream. Enjoy every second of it to the fullest. For both of us, okay?”
He smiled, leaning in and kissing my forehead. “Okay.”
We lingered in our goodbye but finally it was time to go. I turned and walked away from Cole, looking over my shoulder once to wave back to him. But he’d already turned in his own direction.
CHAPTER FIVE
Preston – Eighteen Years Old
I’d watched from a distance as she’d tilted her head back and laughed, her hair flowing in thick curls down her back. I’d watched as my brother took her hand and begun walking her home, my guts twisting with jealousy.
I leaned back on the seat, taking in deep breaths of air. I’d come to say goodbye and hadn’t realized Cole had the same idea.
I’d avoided her since that night in the Laundromat. It hadn’t been difficult. We were so busy on the farm, and Cole and I felt like we needed to help Dad as much as possible before we were both gone, leaving him short, leaving him to handle the things we’d always done. He’d hired a couple of guys to do the work we’d been doing but still, he was going on sixty-two—it was time for him to be slowing down, not working harder than ever.
I hovered between wanting to spend every day helping out at home, and all day far, far away. My parents were fighting more than they’d ever fought before, and I was sick of the endless yelling, the endless sound of my mom’s sobs echoing through the house, and the way I’d look out of my window at night where I could just barely see the glow of a cigarette coming from the barn where my dad would smoke and pace, not knowing how to handle her constant high emotions.
And then she’d come downstairs and glare at me before bursting into more tears, gripping my shirt and crying as I held her. “Say something,” she’d sob. But what was I supposed to say?
So she’d pull back and turn away muttering how I was just like him.
Once I’d gone out to the barn where my dad was after one of their fights and he’d looked at me and sighed before muttering, “Don’t ever marry a woman just because she makes you feel weak in the knees, son. It isn’t enough.” And it’d made me feel sad and confused and frustrated with both of them.
Lia made me feel weak in the knees. And maybe I knew what my dad meant because there was an achy pain associated with that knowledge.
I watched Lia continue to laugh as Cole said something else and then they turned out of sight. And as much as I wished it was me with her tonight, I couldn’t deny that I loved watching her smile—even if it was because of Cole.
I pictured her tiny rundown house, the squalor I’d glimpsed over her mother’s shoulder, and my throat clogged with heartache. Lia deserved every second of happiness she could get.
I pulled out of the parking lot and headed home.
Later that night when Cole came in, I was sitting in the kitchen going over some paperwork regarding the farm that I wanted to get in order before we left. Dad had never been one for keeping things organized and I could only imagine how the farm’s files would be neglected when we left.
“If I wanted to file stuff, I’d have worked in an office,” Dad would drawl. “I’m a farmer, not an accountant.”
I looked up when the back door opened and Cole came sauntering in, opening the refrigerator and pulling out the orange juice and taking a long drink straight from the carton.
He flopped down at the table, yawning and running his hand through his hair and peering at the form I was filling out. “Dad’s gonna have to get by without us, you know. You should let him start getting used to it.”
“I don’t mind.”
After a minute I looked up and he was watching me curiously. “What?”
“Nothing. Aren’t you going to ask where I was tonight?”
“I know where you were. I saw you walking with Lia.”
He raised his eyebrows and smiled as he leaned back in the chair, balancing it on two legs. For a minute I wanted to give him a small push and watch him topple over backward onto the floor.
I had mixed emotions about going away to college—and especially so far away. Part of me wanted to stay right here on the farm I loved, but part of me longed to get away from the tense mood in our house. And, I could admit, from that achy pain of loving Annalia.
When we’d been applying to colleges, I’d thought that if I had to go away, having my brother there would make it easier. But now . . . now I was second-guessing that idea. Now I was thinking it might have been better to avoid him for the next four years.
“She’s going to wait for me.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Wait for you . . .”
“While I’m away.”
“What does that even mean?”
He shrugged. “It means I want her. She’s too young for anything more than kissing now. But she won’t be when we get back. And I don’t want her to give herself to some asshole who’s going to end up using her.” His brow furrowed. “Lia, she’s so . . . shy and withdrawn sometimes. I’d hate for her to get involved with the wrong guy, some asshole who wouldn’t have her best interests at heart.”
My stomach churned with pent-up jealousy and want, and it annoyed and angered me. I didn’t want her to give herself to anyone either. I didn’t want to know that she’d given herself to Cole, even if he’d only kissed her. Tasted her. I knew he had but hearing the words aloud made it even worse somehow. The knowledge that she wanted him, had responded to him physically, already sat inside me like a heavy weight of misery. “She’s fifteen. She shouldn’t be waiting for anyone.”
He brought his chair forward, the front legs making a soft clack when they hit the floor. He shrugged. “I asked her and she said yes.”
I stared at him for a moment before pushing the paperwork away and standing up. “I’m going to bed.”
“We’ve all been friends for a long time, Pres. Aren’t you going to go say goodbye to her?”
I had turned and started walking to the stairs but halted at his question. I thought of that night in the Laundromat when I’d danced with Annalia. I thought about how I’d held her close and yearned to kiss her with every beat of my heart. And for a moment I’d thought I’d felt her body react to mine and wondered if the vulnerability in her eyes wasn’t just the sweet defenselessness I’d always seen shining from those green depths, but maybe it was more. Maybe it was directed at me and maybe she might want to kiss me, too.