I lean closer and whisper, “I’m so sorry, Cara.” My voice is hoarse with these fucking unwanted feelings that have no place being in my heart. “I’m so sorry I didn’t get to you sooner.”
“Bruises heal,” she whispers. She lifts her head from my chest and her eyes find mine. “They didn’t kill me. You came in time, Damian.”
We’ve crossed a line today. There’s no going back. Me and all my rules, and I was the one who broke them all.
I drop my eyes from hers and whisper, “I was a coward.”
Minutes tick by and she brings her hands to my sides. I’m surprised she’s okay with touching me. Every day she gets better at the touching thing, but I can see it still makes her uncomfortable.
I lean my head back against the wall and close my eyes. I need Cara to trust me and the only way she’ll trust me is if she knows who I am.
“I ran away from home and joined the army, thinking I could just get away. I was eighteen and stupid. I threw myself into the army, learned everything I could. I avoided going home.”
She moves closer and her arms slip around me. She presses her cheek to my chest and I let my arms tighten around her.
“By the time I didn’t feel like a coward anymore…” I pause and suck in a deep breath, “it was too late. I got the call that my girlfriend had committed suicide. I didn’t think for one minute that when I left he would go after her.”
She keeps quiet, just holding me, and it makes it easier to say the words. “It was the first time I killed someone. I told myself afterwards I’d never kill in anger again. There was nothing left of me that night. I killed my own father and I told myself he deserved to die because he was an animal.” Her breathing speeds up and she holds me tighter.
“I cleaned up the mess he left behind and disappeared. I tried to make up for failing Leah by helping others. Those I’ve killed could not be called humans. If it makes me a monster for killing them, then so be it.”
I lean forward again and I bury my face in her neck. I just want to hold her. I want to keep this fragile woman, because she’s the only fucking beauty left in this life.
Cara~
I don’t move a muscle. I don’t say a word because he’s finally opening up to me.
I turn a blind eye to what he is, a cleaner, and to many it may seem horribly wrong, but to me it’s justice on behalf of those who have been wronged.
When the silence stretches I know he’s done talking. I lift my head and then, standing on my toes, I press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Before I pull back, I whisper, “I have you. You’re safe now.”
It’s my turn to be the strong one. “Remove the shirt,” I snap at him and I swear I hear him chuckle.
I take a step back and watch as he pulls the material over his head. Then he just stands and looks at me. “Well, you aren’t going to sleep in your jeans and shoes, are you?”
This time he laughs out loud. It’s short and unbelievably sexy. I can’t help but smile back at him.
I slip my shoes off and then get onto his bed. I’m taking a huge risk here, but he’s shown me that I can trust him. I crawl under the covers and then quickly take off my jeans. Dressed in his jeans, he gets in next to me. He slips his arm under my head and then pulls me closer to him.
His body curls around mine just like it did this morning. He places his chin on top of my head. “Thank you,” he says, sounding as exhausted as I feel.
I’m getting used to the safety I feel when I’m with him. How am I going to make it out there once I have to go out on my own? Damian didn’t say how long I could stay for.
I keep myself busy as much as I can. Damian has been missing in action since this morning, so I guess he’s up in his office working.
I heat up dinner but there’s still no sign of Damian, so I eat mine while standing at the backdoor. I finish up and then head upstairs to shower. I’ve just changed into a pair of slacks and a tee when he knocks on the door. My heart starts to race suddenly. I don’t know if it’s from wanting to be close to him or the uncertainties I have conjured up in my mind.
He stalks right at me and then frames my face with his hands. He presses his lips softly to my forehead and I cave. I grab hold of him as if I might lose him within the next second and I know why – I’m already starting to think about leaving and the thought scares me half to death.
I see the questions in his eyes but he doesn’t ask them. He just takes my hand and leads me back to his room.
Long after Damian has fallen asleep I’m still lying awake with my wretched thoughts. I bite at my lip to keep the tears back. I slow my breathing, willing myself to calm down. I taste blood and let go of my lip, chewing on the inside of my mouth instead. I keep telling myself there are people that have had worse happen to them.
But … it doesn’t change the fact that I want a normal life. I want the same dream any other woman wants. As much as those things scare the hell out of me, I want them all because I’m still a twenty-five-year old woman with dreams.