“No.” I slammed my fist on the table, making everyone jump. “Landry thinks of Bryan like a mother because she loves her. Because she reads to her at night, because she cuddles with her on the couch, because they laugh and talk and play.” I moved my chair back, turning to Bryan. “Are you bored? Are you ready to run? Because it sure doesn’t seem that way when you fall asleep in my arms every night. We can make them see. We can prove that us together is what’s good for Landry.” I grabbed Bryan’s hand. I kissed her knuckles, then let go. “But you are going to have to stand up for us too. Can you do that? Can you tell them that you aren’t going anywhere?” I wanted to get down on my knees and beg her to never leave us. To stay with me, to be mine forever. But I’d already asked too much of her, she’d already sacrificed so much. She needed to decide what she wanted. Because Diane was right about one thing: if things ended between Bryan and me, it would crush me but it would wreck Landry. And I wouldn’t let that happen to my daughter, not again.
Bryan looked over at her sister, then at me, wiping a tear from her eye. “I think, for the time being, that I should go back to South Carolina.”
“What?” The air left my lungs.
Bryan closed her eyes, another tear escaping. “I won’t be the reason you lose Landry. I won’t be the reason she has to go back with her mom. We aren’t married, and I’m not sure I’ll ever want that.”
“You can’t be serious?” I was starting to shake; I couldn’t stop it.
She shrugged like it was no big deal, like she hadn’t just ripped my heart out. “I wish I knew.” She took a deep breath, straightening in her chair. “But I don’t. I’m flighty; I can’t ever be sure.” She reached for my hand, and I jerked away from her.
“If you want to run, be my guest.” I got up and walked away.
Chapter Twenty-six
Bryan
When Jacks left the table, I let the tears fall. I didn’t want to run, I didn’t want to leave them, ever. I didn’t want to lose Landry any more than I wanted her to lose me. I loved her, I loved Jacks, I loved this little family we had formed over the past weeks. But I couldn’t risk it. I had to make sure Landry ended up where she belonged, which was with her dad. If I had to hurt Jacks to keep from hurting Landry, then so be it. Because that’s what parents are supposed to do for their kids, put them first. Protect them at all cost.
“Baby Dil? You okay?”
I looked up at Lexi’s concerned voice. “I have no idea.”
Lexi’s face hardened. “You want me to kick that old lady’s ass?”
I wiped a tear from my eye before it had time to fall. “No. She was right. We can’t just keep playing house without thinking of the consequences. She was just doing her job, looking out for Landry’s best interests.”
“You love them.” Luke reached across the table and tapped my arm.
I sent him a watery smile. “More than anything.”
He shook his head. “You don’t want to run. It never even crossed your mind before today.”
My voice cracked. “No. But I can’t be the reason he loses her. I love Landry, more than I love myself. So her happiness comes first. No matter what.”
Lexi reached for my hand with tears in her eyes. “Now that’s a mother.”
I went upstairs and for the first time in a long time, I got in my bed. I felt lonely and sad and I cried myself to sleep.
***
The next day I was sitting at Landry’s swim lesson, searching for puppies on my phone. I wanted to do something special for Landry and Jacks. And the two of them wanted a puppy so damn bad, it was adorable. I’d told them both over and over that they needed to wait until they moved to Texas. But now? After last night? I wanted to do this for them. I thought about it a lot and decided that I would stay until the trial. I’d move back into the guest room and I’d sit Diane down and tell her that I had a return ticket home and that Jacks would hire a new nanny in Texas. Landry would be sad that I wasn’t moving with them, but she’d be safe. And I’d promise her that I would visit.
I’d spent the past hour looking at all the different local shelters’ websites. When I clicked on the last page, I’d about given up hope of finding what I was looking for. And then I saw him. He was a two-month-old Great Dane/American Bulldog mix, solid white with a black patch over his eye. He was perfect.
When Landry got out of the pool, I rushed her through getting dressed. We usually went and got something to eat after class; she was always starving. But I drove us straight to the shelter instead. It took three pages of paperwork and one cuddle session in front of a shelter worker, and then he was ours.
We were stopped at a gas station on the way home; the puppy had peed in Jacks’s Tesla. “Landry, be sure to hold him tight, there are lots of cars around here.” She had him in her arms in the front seat while I did my best to soak up urine from the backseat. Maybe Jacks was right after all—getting him potty-trained before they moved was smart.
“Okay, Momma.”
I went stock-still, my eyes searching the parking lot. Was she here? Had she spotted us? I stood up, checking every car window I could see into. And then I realized something, she didn’t call Amelia Momma, she called her Mom. I dipped my head down to look at Landry. She was cuddling the puppy and giggling while he licked her face. She didn’t have a care in the world. She hadn’t seen her mom; she’d called me Momma. My eyes filled with tears. I took a few seconds to get my emotions under control and then I threw away the rags I was using. “Okay, sweet girl, climb in the back and get your seat belt on.” I waited for her to buckle up and then I passed her the wiggly puppy.
I couldn’t leave her. What the hell was I thinking? Me going away wasn’t our only option here. They wanted permanent? We’d give it to them.
Chapter Twenty-seven
Jacks