It could have something to do with the little bit she told me about her mother and almost killing her. Not that she’s elaborated on any of that.
I walk her out to her car that she insisted on driving last night, and I pin her against the door, kissing her like I don’t want to let go. She’s been consuming me, and every time she kisses me, it’s like she’s giving it all she has, consuming me all the more.
When our lips break apart, she rubs the side of my cheek, feeling the stubble along my jaw.
“I’ll see you after work,” she says on a sigh.
I nod, brushing my lips against hers, and trying to force myself away. I forgot how damn good it felt to feel alive.
Chapter 37
MIKA
Aidan is pacing the front porch when I pull up, and I inwardly cringe. As soon as he spots me, his entire body visibly relaxes.
“Where the fucking hell have you been?”
“Camp grounds,” I lie, forcing a believable smile. “I told you I was sleeping under the stars last night.”
“You can’t just sleep in random places, Mika,” he groans.
“Actually, where I sleep isn’t a problem. I’ve never had an issue with location change, and you know that. It’s not a trigger. My mind doesn’t read it as a habit or routine that has to be adhered to.”
He follows me into the house, looking exhausted and worried, and I feel like a selfish ass. It’s time to tell him the truth. Aidan definitely deserves the truth, and I’m a bitch for trying to hide it for so long to avoid the inevitable blow up.
“I meant you can’t just sleep in random places because it’s not safe. Nothing to do with your issues,” he tells me, making me wince.
I hate hearing the way he refers to my issues. The tone of annoyance and hint of resentment is always there. Aidan deserves my high praises for being by my side, but it always makes me feel like I’ve ruined his life.
“Why don’t you ever have girlfriends?” I ask him, watching as his eyebrows go up in surprise.
“Where the hell did that come from?” he asks.
“Do you stay single because of me? Because you don’t want to introduce someone new into my life who might not stay?”
He frowns while shaking his head. “No. My job requires a lot of travel. Has nothing to do with you, Sis. And I’m not looking to settle down. Why the hell are you asking about this?”
“Because I feel like you’ve put your life on pause for mine.”
He drops to the sofa, staring up at me as confusion mars his tired face. “We’ve had this conversation before, Mika. I promised you I’m not doing anything with my life based on yours. You made me promise that, remember? I’m always true to my word.”
He gives me his trademark smile that usually convinces me of anything, but after spending over two weeks wrapped up in Chase… I forgot how incredible it could feel to be in love. I haven’t forgotten the pain that goes with it, but I definitely remember why I spent so long searching for that attachment again. It was never an illusion—like they tried to convince me of. It was real. It is real.
Now my brother’s smile isn’t as convincing, because Aidan doesn’t have to have barriers the way I do. He doesn’t have to take precautions. Nothing is holding him back… unless that something is me.
“I love you, and I think you’ve been sacrificing too much for me,” I say sadly, sitting down beside him.
His arm goes around my shoulders as he kisses the top of my head. It’s a rare show of affection, since affection isn’t allowed. I’ve broken the “no physical affection” rule numerous times since reuniting with Chase.
“Haven’t sacrificed anything, sis. Promise. I wouldn’t do that and leave you with the guilt. It’s just you and me, remember? I need you just as much as you need me.”
I sigh as I stare at the blank TV in front of us, and I prepare to confess the truth.
“I want to date again. Dr. Stein said it might be a possibility if the guy sees her and lets her help him understand what he’s getting into.”
Aidan freezes against me. I shut my eyes, hoping this doesn’t get ugly. I hate fighting with him.
“The garage guy?” he asks quietly. “The one Hunter is friends with? You think he’s ready to travel to New York and get a recipe for being with you?”
He’s not cold, angry, or mocking. He’s seriously hopeful, as though he wants that for me. A tear slips from my eyelids as I shake my head.
“Not him,” I say quietly.
His arm slowly drops off my shoulders, and my eyes open to see him glaring at me.
“Fuck no. Not Chase, Mika. He’s the only fucking person in the world you need to stay away from. It’s too intense between you two, and you know it. One wrong move, and you’ll be spiraling out of control.”
He shoves the heel of his palms into his eye sockets, and I swallow against the knot in my throat.
“You weren’t at the campgrounds last night, were you?” he asks without looking at me.
“No,” I answer honestly.