No idea what this has to do with Mika not coming, but I nod, unable to speak at the moment. Why hasn’t she written me about not coming?
“What happens when Mika is allowed to leave home? Do you two plan on eloping? Going to college? Going straight to work? I’ve asked her, but she refuses to even acknowledge me on the matter. The problem is that Mika has her own goals, but she’d give every one of them up just to be swallowed by your own dreams.”
Clearing my throat, I finally sit down. I can’t speak and stand, so sitting is the only option. The wicker chair creaks beneath me as I run my hand through my hair.
“We’re going to buy the Pins and Balls bowling alley as soon as we graduate.”
“With what money?” he asks.
“I’m working and saving up.”
The patronizing look he gives me mixes with sympathy as he takes a seat beside me.
“It’ll take a lot more money than an after school job can give you to even save up for a down payment to mortgage that place. Mika has a college fund, but it’s for just for college. She doesn’t get it just to be getting it. I’m a firm believer in taking care of a child, but not an adult. If she leaves home, she has to make it on her own.”
“I don’t want your money, Mr. Dalton,” I mutter, trying not to sound as insulted as I feel.
“I know that,” he says, blowing out a long, hesitant breath. “Mika ever tell you she wants to be a doctor?”
Again, it feels like I’m getting punched.
“No,” I whisper quietly, wondering why she wouldn’t tell me something like that. She’s only ever briefly mentioned being interested in the medical field, but never acted like it was a dream or anything.
“She didn’t tell you because she knows you can’t leave this town, son. She’d have to attend a nice college. She’d have to go through med school. She’d have to sacrifice a lot of time and energy and live somewhere close to campus. Not here. Then, to be a surgeon like she wants to be, she’d have to live in the city. A big one with a nice hospital. See where I’m going with this?”
I nod numbly, hating the taste of bile in my throat. Why didn’t she tell me?
The brief mention of the medical field is such a vague memory that I don’t even know why it was brought up. It never sounded like it was a passion at all. Not like it sounds when we talk about our dreams.
Or maybe she was trying to tell me what her dreams were, while I was too busy trying to find a way to trap her in this fucking town I’m forever stuck in.
Milton continues speaking while my mind drones on, shifting through the misplaced memories where I might have heard her better if I’d listened.
“Once upon a time, I married a woman who gave up her dream of being an actress because I was building a ranch in a town where my dead grandfather left me a lot of land. It gave me the chance to change my life, but my dreams eclipsed hers and she never really forgave me for it.”
He blows out another long breath as he puts his elbows on his knees. “Jessica loved me at one time. I thought a love like that could never possibly go cold. I loved her too. Still do. Probably always will. But she started hating me long before I found someone else.”
I swallow against the knot in my throat, trying and failing not to let his words fully resonate.
“Jessica resented me, and that resentment only grew over time. When she got left at home with the twins while I went out of town on business, that resentment festered. When she watched a TV show with a role that would have been perfect for her, she resented me a little more. When she got her first wrinkle before I did, she fucking hated me.” He laughs humorlessly, and it’s almost a sad, resigned sound.
“Then she finally stopped speaking to me unless it was to criticize me, or argue, or just say something hateful in general. All the good things faded over time until we were left with nothing but the shit we’d avoided over the years. That’s what resentment does, son. It festers, it builds, it pollutes, and it consumes. Tell me if you want to go through the hell I did, and I’ll find a way to get my daughter down here this summer. It won’t be easy, but I’ll make it happen if you promise me you’ll be able to live with this choice. Because I know how stubborn Mika is. She loves you. No doubt in my mind you love her too. Just curious if you love her enough to let her go, because this town will destroy her just like my ranch destroyed her mother.”
He stands up abruptly and starts to walk in, but he pauses by the door.
“Let me know what you decide,” he says after a few minutes of silence.
There’s not much of a decision. Deep down, I’ve always known Mika was too damn good for me and for Hayden. No one’s ever said it aloud until now. It was fucking stupid to ever think she’d be satisfied living the poor life while we struggle to clean up an old bowling alley.
The entire thing seems ridiculous and stupid now… childish and insane.