When I catch my reflection in the mirror across from where I stand, I take a moment to really see me. Like earlier this morning before leaving the house, I stop looking for what I don’t like and see the Willow that Kane sees.
My whole body seems to glow. My eyes are bright, cheeks flushed, and even my posture seems to exude the confidence I’ve been fighting for my whole life. For the first time in as long as I can remember, the fear of the unknown doesn’t consume me. It doesn’t define me.
I look like the Willow I deserve to be.
I look like the Willow who’s ready to get the man.
And I’m ready to enjoy wherever the ride takes me.
With a nod, I pocket my phone and follow Kirby to take our spots on set for the next few hours of nonstop filming.
I TURN AWAY FROM THE monitor and run my hands through my hair. Nothing today is falling into place. That’s a fucking lie. The actors are flawless. They’ve hit their stride and every take seems to get better and better. I should be thrilled, but my head isn’t in the game.
Which makes no sense.
I’m finally behind the camera, directing and producing a film I’ve been working on for the better part of five years. A film I’ve put my own blood, sweat, and frustrations into beginning with the screenplay. This is my moment. This film is my baby. I should be fucking thrilled.
Instead, I can’t get one stunning brown-eyed woman off my mind. I can’t stop seeing the same fear Alessandra eludes to in Willow’s eyes. I know she’s been through shit, but I’m beyond frustrated I can’t just fix it, and I have a feeling that until she’s ready, I might be doing more harm than good by coming on as strong as I have.
“Fuck,” I expel.
I know this isn’t going to be easy. Thrusting her into my insane life seems to be the least of my issues. Mia and everything that comes with her are another reason I’m about to come apart. They go hand in hand with the spotlight of my life. I’m floundering, and the only time I feel sane is when that woman, my fucking woman, is looking at me as if I hold all life’s answers when I can’t even seem to answer my own.
Last night, I knew she wasn’t herself. It took a few messages from her to realize that my little doe was drunk off her ass. Adorably so. I spent the rest of the night fucking my hand over the image of her lips around me. Then this morning it was as if she didn’t have a clue. The look on her face, even though it didn’t do fuck all to dim the erection I’ve been sporting since, has had me a mess all day.
I crave her.
And honestly, I’m not sure how to handle it if she were to walk away now.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and after calling out for everyone to take five, I look down at the screen.
Willow: Okay. Clearly, I was a lush last night. But, yes, I meant every word. I’m nervous, slightly embarrassed, and not entirely sure I will be able to go THERE without a few little freak-outs, but Kane … you make me feel safe at the same time you burn me alive with how much I want you. So, yes. I meant it. Just hold my hand and help me get there.
I don’t respond, but fuck if my smile doesn’t hurt it’s so big.
Yeah, baby, I’ll hold your hand. Fuck yeah, I will.
Tonight, I’m going to show this woman just how much I want her, and I’m going to make sure she enjoys every second of me holding her hand.
“REMEMBER WHAT I SAID, OKAY?”
I give Kirby a nod and the reassuring smile she needs to see I’m ready and feeling the weightlessness of my decision to give myself to someone who makes me feel safe.
Her own expression shines with so much happiness it’s infectious. Before I know it, we’re both laughing and the few crewmembers left milling around are giving us a wide berth. We probably look manically insane, but God, does this lightness inside me feel euphoric. She walks away to the waiting Cam and car that will take her back to her family.
Turning around before she climbs inside, she calls out toward where I’m standing. Ignoring the few photographers I can see through the darkness around us just a few yards away, she screams, “I won’t wait up! Enjoy getting back on the bike again!”
God, she has no shame. I chuckle and turn, but halt in my steps. Kane laughs softly and smiles in Kirby’s direction before looking over at the photographers who are now snapping away. His expression hardens slightly before it washes just as quickly as it came.
“Come on, Willow,” he tells me, and his hand hits my back, a place I’ve begun to love having his touch, before guiding me toward his trailer. “I know it’s late, but I just need to grab a few things and then we can head out when Cam gets back.”
“Out being?”
He doesn’t answer, but I can see his eyes smile from my view of his profile.