“Huh?”
He climbed off me and lay on his side beside me. “I want you to feel the restraints.”
“I do. I feel them.”
“I need to know he is out of you.”
What he was asking… I’d done everything he asked of me, but what I’d been through would never truly die. It was part of me and with Kai’s help, I’d fought back. Now, he wanted me to feel like I had so many times before during those years with Alfonzo and Jacob?
“Fight, London.”
“Kai. Why? I don’t understand?” Why was he making me do this?
“You said you trusted me.” I nodded. “Then I need you to fight. Feel helpless and vulnerable and scared.”
“I don’t want to.” I didn’t want that overwhelming panic that suffocated my lungs and gripped my chest so hard that it felt as if a vise was being tightened around me.
“Of course you don’t. But you need to.” He leaned over me, briefly kissed my quivering lips then got up from the bed.
My heart drummed against my rib cage as I watched him walk to the other side of the room completely naked. His cock hard and erect against his muscled abdomen.
He sat in the chair, leaned back, his thighs parted and his eyes dark and intense as he waited for me to decide what to do.
Kai was an enigma, but there was one trait I knew for certain about him and that was he’d never give in. Never yield if he wanted something. God, he’d searched for me for two years and I was betting he’d have done it for twenty more if he had to.
That was the type of man he was and I did trust him.
So I fought.
I yanked on the wire and I winced as it cut into my wrists. I twisted and turned, the sheet beneath me now wrapping around my legs as I struggled against the bonds, the fear creeping into me as the memory of being on the cot, Alfonzo on top of me, my wrists tied just like this but with the heavy cold weight of manacles.
Panic heightened as the memory grew stronger and I thrashed on the bed. Kai sitting on the chair was forgotten as I struggled to get free.
I couldn’t get away.
Trapped.
He was going to leave me here for days.
No.
No.
I screamed as I yanked and pulled as the memories invaded like a black suffocating fog.
“No. No.”
With everything I had, I yanked on the wire.
The knot he’d tied in the wire released and my arms shot forward from the momentum as I sprung free.
I lay still for a second, breathing ragged, my wrists still tied together but free from the headboard.
Free.
A cool wave of relief poured over me as the panic washed away. I was heaving in breaths of air from my struggle, but the terror was gone. It was as if the sudden release had re-written the memory. I’d escaped. I’d escaped when for years I couldn’t.
“Yes.” Kai’s voice was a deep resonating sound that was like a blanket of warmth.
“You put a knot that would eventually release if I fought hard enough? You wanted me to break free?”
“Yes.”
“You wanted me to feel the fear and escape it myself.” It wasn’t a question because that was exactly what he wanted.
“You won’t always be able to break free, London. That’s reality. But if you can’t, know that I’ll always come for you. Don’t ever forget that. You need to know that.”
My breath left me as I stared at him, taking in what he said. “I do know.” I had no doubt Kai would walk through an inferno in order to get to me. God, he had. “But you’re not God, Kai. Even if you think you are.”
He raised his brows. “True. But I’m the closest you’ll ever get to the big man.” I smiled and he said, “Come here.”
My legs still trembling, I crawled off the bed and walked over to him. He reached out and undid the wire still around my wrists. Red lines embedded in my skin and he brought my wrist to his mouth, kissing the inflamed skin then repeated with the other one.
My eyes flicked to his cock that was still hard and I wanted to sink to my knees and take him in my mouth. I never thought I’d willingly want to do that again, but the need to taste him on the tip of my tongue, to wrap my lips around the hard velvet surface, to give him pleasure pulsed through me.
I decided right then to break one of his rules and it was without fear. Without uncertainty.
I slipped to my knees on the floor between his legs, my hands on his muscled, naked thighs.
His voice was a low growl as he harshly grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. “I never want you on your knees again.”
I met his fierce scowl, but it was the hint of fear in his eyes that had me softening my initial retort. “You want to give me choices?”
“Yes.”
“Then this is my choice. I want your cock in my mouth. I want to hear you groan with pleasure.”