“I have to work, have a job, in order to raise this baby,” Izzy continued. “I don’t have anyone else to help me. I can’t be there for the baby in the way that I think I should be. I’m going to always be deficient when it comes to caring for him. It makes me nervous.”
“This is an entirely personal view, Izzy, and it’s probably not professional behavior for me to interject those feelings into this conversation, but I’m going to do it anyway. You are going to be a wonderful mother, Izzy. I’ve got so much information and data here that I’ve studied and you are thoughtful and kind and you will do fine, no matter what happens.”
Izzy just nodded, grateful for those words, knowing, however, that they meant nothing once the baby arrived and Izzy was forced to care for him.
“Okay, I just have a few more questions, Izzy. If you and your child were chosen for the project, would you be willing to move? The project will be located in La Vergne, which is just outside Nashville, so could you foresee yourself moving in order to participate?”
“I guess I could do that. I’d at least be willing to consider it.”
“Great. And your father? How problematic would it be to see less of him?”
“I see him every day. I live with him.”
“If the project required you to move, would you be able to handle not seeing him every day?”
“We live together, but he’s not an active part of my life, unfortunately. He helps me with money sometimes and gives me a place to live, but we don’t interact all that much. It’s been that way since my mom died. He’s a little afraid of me, I think.”
“Okay. I have to say, Izzy, that you offer a very compelling case study for the project. I’ve very much enjoyed talking to you and I hope we’ll be in touch in the near future.”
“Is that all?” Izzy asked. “You don’t have anything else to ask me?” Izzy wasn’t sure if she was happy or disappointed by this possibility.
“That’s all for now. I just wanted to meet you. You’ve been very helpful with the information that you’ve already provided, so this interview was just to have a face-to-face meeting and clear up any outstanding questions that I had. Thank you very much for coming. And good luck with the baby. You look great, by the way.”
Dr. Kwon stood and walked over to shake Izzy’s hand. Izzy stood and followed Dr. Kwon out of the meeting room, past the sofa and chairs where now a new couple, two pale, towheaded teenagers who looked like brother and sister, were waiting. Izzy nodded in solidarity to the pregnant girl, and felt awful when the girl’s face blazed red with embarrassment. Izzy kept walking, down the stairs, out of the library, and into the parking lot, where she finally stepped into her truck and began to breathe as calmly as she possibly could.
She still had no idea what was going on, what the project entailed, but Dr. Kwon was so kind, so patient, that Izzy felt very strongly that she wanted to be a part of the study. She wanted, after a long stretch of being avoided and ignored, to be desired by someone with good judgment. She wanted to believe that, inside her, there was something of great importance to the rest of the world. Was that so hard to believe, she wondered, as she started her truck and headed back to her normal life, which was patiently waiting for her, would always be waiting for her, she imagined.
chapter six
Dr. Preston Grind sat at the table in the meeting room of the complex, surrounded by file after file of people who, under no circumstances, would be a part of the project. Either their familial connections were too strong, their value systems regarding traditional families too ingrained, or they were doing well enough on their own and could not be induced to listen to him. His three postdoctoral research fellows, Jeffrey Washington, Kalina Kwon, and Jill Patterson, had each compiled ten prospective families that they believed best fit the profile for the project, and they were now making their cases to Dr. Grind.