“I can see he’s had an impact on you. Sex. Drinking,” she teased.
“I guess some guys just make being bad so much fun,” I responded. I took a sip of my wine. My mother rushed over to me. I gave Sarah my drink, hoping my mom didn’t notice it. I embraced her tightly.
“Congrats, Mom!”
“Thank you! This has been one of the best days of my life. And Sarah! It’s so nice to see you,” she said, giving Sarah a hug.
My heart sank. I watched my mother and Sarah talk. Mom looked so damn happy. I could never take part in risking her happiness. The realization of this hit me hard.
“I’ll be right back,” I said to Sarah.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, fine. I’ll see you both in a minute.” I made my way to the house. I saw Ash out of the corner of my eye. He followed me. Shit.
The first floor was full of people, so I escaped to the third floor. I went up the secret staircase and was comforted by the sight of the third floor suite. I remembered that Ash and I had had sex here, and my heart sank again. Tears streamed down my face. This was just too fucked up to bear. The stairwell door opened, and Ash walked through, obviously concerned.
“Amy? Are you okay?” he asked.
I shook my head and turned away from him. I didn’t want to see how gorgeous he looked. I didn’t want to know what would never be mine.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice lowering. He took a seat beside me on the bed, and I scooted as far away as possible.
“We can’t be together,” I said. He was silent, the reality of our situation seeping in. “Sarah’s parents love me and are always inviting me to stay. She would love it if I were back in San Fran, and I miss my dad.”
“What are you saying?” Ash asked, his voice sounding low and sad.
“I’m leaving with Sarah tonight, and I’ll be gone for the rest of the summer…And forever,” I said, tears streaming down my face.
Ash stood up. He began pacing. I had never seen him look so sad before.
“I have no other choice. I can’t be around you. We can’t escape the reality of our situation—that we just can’t do this,” I said.
Ash sighed and kneeled in front of me. I stared into his gorgeous honey eyes and wanted to lose myself in them. “I know…I know.” He grabbed me gently by the shoulders. I felt comforted by his touch but disturbed by how much I wanted more of it.
“They’re so happy together. This would ruin everything.”
He sighed. “It would. There’s no doubt. Maybe it is what’s best, but…” He stopped, a look of rage coming over him. He got up and growled, slamming his fist into the wall. “Fuck it. I want to make this work. I do all kinds of things in secret. Why not continue to do you in secret?”
He stormed over to me and began kissing me. I kissed him back, but something strong came over me—my protective side. I needed to protect my mother’s happiness at all costs, even if it was a huge cost to me.
“Stop!” I yelled. I pushed him off me.
He stopped and came to rest beside me. A few tears leaked from the corner of his eyes, but he immediately wiped them away. His face hardened, and he got up, staring out the window at the party below.
“I’m going tonight. We’ll pretend this never happened. You’ll see other people, and I will too. Next summer, we’re going to just be stepbrother and sister. This will never be spoken of again,” I said, my voice shaking with sadness.
He looked at me, nodded, and walked away, leaving me alone in the room.
I couldn’t stop crying. I grabbed one of the soft pillows, the softness of it muffling my gasps and miserable cries. I remembered my dad telling me that you knew you were growing up when you made hard decisions despite wanting otherwise. He was right.
Hearing the laughter and music downstairs brought me back to my senses. This was my mother’s day, and I would not ruin it for her. I went to the bathroom and grabbed some toilet paper. I washed away some of my mascara stains so no one would know I had been crying. I noticed that the pillow I’d been using was slightly stained.
“Shit,” I muttered. I took the pillow case off the pillow, threw it under the bed, and tucked the pillow underneath a bunch of fancier ones so no one would notice. I stood there, disturbed by how I had become far too used to hiding things. Not having a secret anymore would be great. I just wasn’t the type of person to lie like this.
I went back downstairs, desperate to find Sarah. I wanted her comfort. She was the only person who knew anything about this, and I wanted to be around someone who knew the truth.
“Hey.” She looked concerned. “What happened?”
“I broke it off with him. It’s over.”
“Oh…that must have been why he left,” she said.
“He left?” I asked.