Shawn set her down after planting a big kiss on her cheek. My sister coaxed Ella back to where the other cousins played, leaving Shawn to his cooking duties.
Even though it pained me, I imagined Liv and Will’s child then, a brown-haired and blue-eyed angel, playing and jumping between them. I wasn’t in the picture, but I couldn’t help but wonder. Did I have it in me to love Liv’s child like Shawn loved Ella?
I took a deep pull off my beer and banished the thought.
Didn’t matter. I wasn’t going back. I couldn’t. I’d left the penthouse and never looked back. It was the only thing I could do.
Since then, Will had been silent. I ignored Liv’s calls, which had been nonstop right after I left and had since tapered off to a daily attempt. Seeing her face cross my screen sliced through me like a hot blade every time.
What would I say? I couldn’t hear her cry. I wouldn’t listen to her pleas to bring me back, even if those last desperate words from the day I left echoed in my ears every time my head hit the pillow. Even when I could sleep, she haunted me. The memory of her…the feel of her.
I closed my eyes and rubbed the back of my neck, noting the tension that hadn’t been there until the past few weeks.
“Cari?o, que pasa?”
My mother’s soothing voice broke me out of my thoughts for a second.
“Nothing, I’m fine.”
“Dónde está tu sonrisa? Papa no le hubiera gustado verte así.”
My whole body tensed. “I said, I’m fine,” I bit out.
I didn’t want to smile, and if my father didn’t want to see me this way, he wouldn’t have let the cancer kill him. Anger and resentment settled into my tired muscles, giving me something to hang on to.
I’d made a place for Liv in my heart. Now that she was gone, only anger lived there. Fresh resentment that my family had been ripped apart.
“Me partes el corazón cuando te veo así.”
“Mama, English.” My sister Cara gestured to her boyfriend, Nick, who was the only one in our party who didn’t understand a word my mother was saying.
My mother shook her head and went back into the house, muttering Spanish as she went. She fussed more than she used to.
My phone vibrated in my pocket. I withdrew it and saw Will’s name. I’d almost gotten used to ignoring Liv’s calls, but seeing Will’s attempt alarmed me. What if something was really wrong? With Liv, or the baby?
Without thinking, I answered the call.
“Will.” I rose from the table and made my way back into the apartment to get some privacy.
“Thanks for picking up.” Veiled sarcasm was evident in Will’s tone.
“Is there something wrong?” I inhaled a calming breath, but a burst of adrenaline had already shot through my veins, making me alert and ready to snap into action.
“What the hell do you think? You being gone. That’s what’s wrong. Liv’s really upset, and the fact that you won’t even answer her calls is ripping her heart out. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to watch her go through this?”
Damnit. I shouldn’t have picked up.
“I did what I had to do.”
“No, you reacted and didn’t give one thought to how it would break her. You wanted to be in this relationship, and then you just fucking left without another word.”
I clenched my teeth. I wanted to yell right back at Will because this was his fault, ultimately. That he was turning it around on me was beyond unfair.
His next words were less forceful. “She warned you this wasn’t going to be simple, trying to make things work. Shit’s going to get messy sometimes.”
I shook my head. “Not like this.”
“You never thought somewhere down the road, she’d want a family? We’d be in the same situation. Until modern science can figure out a way to make a baby out of two sperm and an egg, it would have to be you or me.”
“Then we could have had a conversation and figured it out. Instead, you made the decision without consulting anyone, not even her.”
That shut him up for a second.
“I know we’re dealing with this because of me. But we’re here now. We can figure this out.” He sighed. “Ian, she’s eight weeks pregnant. We got the ultrasound this week, saw the heartbeat and everything.”
Jealousy and love and rage fought for dominance in my thoughts, a toxic cocktail of emotion.
“Thanks for letting me know, Will. Fucking magical. What can I say?”
“Listen, asshole, I’m telling you that so far everything looks good. She’s healthy and so is the baby. Sorry, I thought you might want to know.”
“Thanks.”
My tone was full of spite, but deep down, I was grateful to know. I couldn’t imagine what I’d do if something happened to Liv. I couldn’t live with it.
“I don’t know why I bothered calling. I just… Whatever.”
He hung up, and I nearly threw the phone against the wall.
I shouldn’t have picked up the phone. I should have never fallen in love.
WILL