I wasn’t asleep. How could I sleep with the events of today going on repeat in my mind? So when a figure entered the door I left ajar, I wasn’t shocked. My body did flinch slightly on reflex, due to the fact my body was highly strung and firmly ready for both fight or flight mode. I relaxed slightly when the moonlight illuminated a familiar face. I sat up in bed slightly and felt his weight as he hit it. Neither of us spoke, the sounds of his motorcycle boots thudding to the floor reverberating in the silent room. I also heard the slight crinkle of leather as his cut fell to the floor too. My eyes narrowed in that direction, even though I couldn’t see it, I knew it was there. That piece of leather held so many complications within its seams.
The covers moved and I felt Zane slip under them. Within seconds my body was yanked into his, full contact. I didn’t want to, but I instinctively curled into him, every inch of my body yearning for his touch, the sense of safety that came with it. Ironic, really, since he was the very reason I knew what gunshot wounds looked like. That my daughter knew what being shot at felt like. Even then my body screamed out for him.
“Killian’s sleeping on the couch with Lexie downstairs,” he clipped, his voice hard.
“I’m aware,” I replied softly, but in a tone that dared him to challenge me.
There was silence as he chewed over this, his body tight. I knew every inch of him wanted to fight me on this. But she was my daughter. She needed to sleep in the arms of the man who loved her. He’d proved himself a man today by jumping in front of bullets for her. She deserved to feel safe, like I was right now. And as much as I wished I could, I couldn’t give her the safety Killian could give her right now. Thankfully, Zane chose to stay silent. The silence lasted a while. There was a lot you could say without words. Like goodbye.
“I don’t suppose you’re going to tell me where you were?” I asked with resignation.
Zane held me tighter, as if he couldn’t get me close enough. “Hunting,” was all he said.
I nodded slightly.
“Mia,” he began.
“Someone died today,” I said quietly. Zane’s body stiffened. “Right in front of me someone died,” I whispered.
“Mia,” he tried again.
“People shot at me today. With bullets, with real, people killing bullets.” I don’t know why I said that; what other kind of bullets were there? “People shot at my daughter today,” I continued.
“Mia.” His voice was tortured.
“She is my world,” I stated, cutting him off. “The center of my universe. My everything. My baby. And she almost died today.” My voice cracked slightly at the end.
Zane twisted my body so he was lying half on top of me, his hand cupping my jaw. He reached over and switched on the light, flinching at what he must’ve seen in my expression. He searched my face in desperation. “Mia, tonight. We got them, made them pay, I won’t let anything like that shit happen again. I’ll protect you. And Lexie, I fuckin’ swear,” he declared firmly.
I shook my head sadly. “It’s my job to protect my daughter,” I said quietly. “Protecting her means I don’t ever put her in situations where her being the victim of a drive by shooting is actually a possibility. Put her in situations where she lies to the police to protect your club.” Zane’s entire form stiffened when I said that.
I was silent for a moment longer, my heart preparing for the necessary break. “No matter what I feel for you, what we have, my daughter comes first. Always. I’ll do anything to protect her.” Even break my own heart. Tears welled in my eyes as I locked gazes with Zane once more. His jaw was hard and his eyes for once were unguarded. They were dancing with emotion that usually only glimmered below the surface, hinting at the depths below. It was exposed now for the world to see and I had to squeeze my eyes shut a moment.
Zane’s touch was feather light on my face, trailing down on my temple.
“Open your eyes Mia,” he whispered.
I couldn’t help it, I did.
“What happened today will never happen again.” His voice was fierce. “Shit’s taken care of. You need to know this though. The club’s a part of me. It is me. I am who I am, ‘cause of that cut.” He nodded to the floor where the leather lay.
He was telling me he would never leave it. Never leave the club that killed his brother today. Got people shot today. In a weird way, I got it. The things you love are never perfect. Sometimes they’re downright ugly. But that’s the way of love. It’s not about sense or aesthetic or even reason. And Zane loved his club. His brothers. No one could ever rip him away from it. Like he said, he was the club. You loved him, you loved the club. I loved him, every inch of him. I loved the broken parts he seemed to only be able to give me. I even loved the club. The sense of family, the loyalty. But it wasn’t just me. I didn’t get to be selfish. Didn’t get to throw reason and sense out the window. I had to hold onto that shit, because of the being downstairs.
He must have seen it in my face because his whole body tightened, shut down, his eyes closing for a moment. I reached up to touch his face, memorizing what it felt like.