Out of Bounds

She chuckles. “You have a voracious appetite.”

“I do. But I’m also a physical man. That means I like touching you, and it’s killing me when I see you in public to not touch you the way I want. I don’t even mean the dirty stuff, Dani. I mean giving you a kiss when you show up at the whack-a-mole game. Putting my arm around you in between Skee-Ball rounds. Taking your hand in mine as we leave together,” I say, and she sighs softly. It sounds wistful.

“I wish we could do that too.”

A surge of adrenaline courses through me, and I’m ready to rush down the field right now. “Is it really such a bad thing if we were together? I just don’t know that I see it that way,” I say, because I’m not a triple baby daddy to three different moms who just knocked up a fourth girl. Dani’s not a nineteen-year-old fresh-off-the-bus cheerleader. I’m not smashing cars or trashing hotel rooms. I’m just a twenty-six-year-old guy who’s got his shit together and wants to go out with a woman he works with—a woman who has her act together too. That adrenaline fuels me, pushes me on. Maybe it’s the orgasm high, or maybe it’s just reality. But is this so wrong for me to want to at least pursue something with her? My game is on, we’ve played like rock stars, and the way I feel for her hasn’t hurt me on the field at all so far this season. Whatever Dani and I have had so far—clandestine as it is—hasn’t done an ounce of harm. The only issue I see now is the team, and I just don’t think Dani and me are a problem for the Knights. “Did you see how Stuart looked at you, then at me tonight? It was almost like he was pleased,” I say, and I can’t mask the note of hope in my voice. I don’t know that I agree with Jason’s assessment anymore on the risks of being with Dani.

“I did see the look on his face,” she says cautiously.

“But he didn’t seem suspicious. More like curious.”

“Maybe.”

“So, Miss Maybe. What do you think? Can we make a go of this? Can we figure out a way to not have to fucking hide or just settle on phone sex? I’d like to take you to the movies, and then take you home.”

She sighs. “I’d love that. Trust me. I’d really love that. I just need to think on whether that’s really going to be okay. This is a risk, and I have to think about how to navigate the risk,” she says, ever careful, while I’m ready to charge full speed ahead into danger. “All I know is, I wish you were on your way over now too.”

But I don’t go over, of course.

And I’m beginning to wonder how much longer we can last like this.





Chapter Ten

Dani

As a beautiful blue crest swells, I drop into it, popping up onto my board a second later. My mind is as crystal clear as the sky above. In this moment, all that matters is the wave and the chance to ride it without crashing. It’s control and letting go, and when the surfing is best, it’s both at the same time. Like now, as the morning sun warms my shoulders and the ocean lets me take it for a joyride.

When I’m done, I paddle to the shore, bring my board out of the sand, and turn once more to watch the vast expanse of the sea. Surfing is my escape, but it’s also my pleasure. It’s been my outlet, my fun, the thing I do when I’m not working. Today though, it has another benefit. It gives me clarity, and I know as I head home and wash off the sand that I need to try to find a way to have both.

I want Drew. I want work. I want that fine balance in my life without falling.

More than that, I’m also confident we’re not a problem. Once upon a time, I was terrified of how a pairing between the two of us would look. Now, with my time today on the water, the great outdoors has done what it’s so good at—given me a calm, clear sense of certainty.

Here’s what I know from both the evidence in the past, and from my own gut. The trouble that players rained down upon the team was honest-to-goodness trouble. Those players could never have asked permission for what they did because what they did was wrong. But Drew and I are in a different place. We can ask permission and that’s the key difference between the past woes and my present wish.

I’m not sure how to get there. I don’t know when to jump into the wave or when to leap out. But I know this much as I drive into work—I need to test the waters. I want to put myself out there. And that means it’s time to at least have a conversation with Stuart. I’m not sure that I’ll tell him everything. I’m not sure that I’ll tell him anything, for that matter. I’m not the only one involved in this situation, so I won’t do anything to compromise Drew. But Drew made it clear last night on the phone that he’s ready. I want to find a way, and that starts with talking about the issues and the challenges.

As I park in the stadium lot, Ally calls and we catch up on her date with Jason last night.

“You really like this guy?” I ask as I walk across the asphalt.