We’ve taken refuge from the heat in the monastery cloisters, and found a shaded wall to sit on. We stretch our legs into the sun and drink from our water bottles. The place is busy with tourists, mainly Americans.
‘Well, you’re in a minority because everyone else thinks she’s the cat’s pyjamas.’
‘Perhaps she doesn’t flirt with everyone else’s husbands.’
‘Mum! That’s a dreadful thing to say.’
‘Sorry. It’s none of my business.’
‘Actually, you’re right. She does flirt with him. But I’ve spoken to Tom about it and he’s reassured me. I think it’s just Amber wanting to be the centre of attention.’
Mum raises her eyebrows.
‘Don’t look at me like that. ‘Even if she did fancy him – which I’m not saying I think she does – he knows her far too well. And apart from that she and her husband are about to buy a house together and she’s hardly likely to do that if she’s trying to steal Tom from me.’
‘I think she’s trouble. I mean, where did she come from? How much do you actually know about her?’
‘I know enough. You’re stirring, Mum. Stop it.’
She laughs at me but I don’t laugh back. She’s hit a raw nerve.
‘What about that business in the swimming pool?’
‘What about it?’
‘Well, don’t you think it was odd? Falling in and then doing the damsel-in-distress bit with Tom. She strikes me as the sort of woman who takes pleasure in small acts of malice.’
She sets her bottle down at her feet and lifts the rim of her big floppy hat so that she can see her surroundings properly. She looks like a character out of a Merchant Ivory film. I watch her for a moment, still feeling defensive, then let it go. I don’t want to talk about Amber. I know that Mum is right, up to a point, but that’s annoying in itself. Amber is my problem and I’ll deal with her in my own way.
‘Don’t move, Mum. I want to take a picture.’ I open my bag and push aside my purse, glasses case and bottle of water and scrabble amongst the loose receipts and Josh’s teething rings. ‘Damn. I must have left my phone back at the house. Do you have your camera on you?’
She hands me her Instamatic and I capture the moment.
‘So if it isn’t Tom,’ she says, ‘then what is upsetting you? Is it that man?’
‘No. That’s well and truly over.’ I’m about to cry. My eyes are hot and my throat aches. I look away from her and swallow hard, thankful for my sunglasses.
Mum waits. She drinks some water and looks around her. Two Chinese girls walk past us, stop and take formal pictures of each other framed by the ancient arches.
‘Is there something you want to tell me?’ she asks. She searches my face. It’s like we’ve gone back twenty years and it’s just the two of us again. Maggie and Vicky.
‘I’ve made a horrible mistake.’ My voice trembles. ‘And I don’t know what to do.’
She strokes my cheek. ‘I doubt it’s as bad as some of the mistakes I’ve made.’
‘I’ve broken the law.’ I stare down at my lap and rub at a speck of food on my linen trousers. Polly’s handiwork.
‘Tell me what happened, Vicky. Maybe I can help.’
‘I doubt it. I lied to the police about the morning Josh had the accident. I wanted to see a house that Amber was marketing and I’d had a really bad night with him, and he was asleep and, to cut a long story short, I left him at home on his own while I went to the viewing. When I came back that man was in his room. Amber saw him leave. I’d lied to her as well and told her that Magda was looking after him.’
‘Does anyone know?’
‘Only Amber. She helped me cover it up.’
‘Ah.’
‘What does ah mean?’
‘Nothing. I’m being silly. She’s your friend and you’ve known her for years. I’ve only spent a few days with her. Ignore me.’
I hesitate. ‘OK. Social services came round in the middle of Emily’s birthday party and completely ruined the day. I lied again. God, Mum, I wish I’d confessed right at the beginning.’
‘You mustn’t do that. Please believe me; it’s a bad idea.’
This is not the reaction I expected. ‘Amber said the same thing. But it’s the right thing to do, surely?’
‘I was a social worker for two years, remember. I know how those decisions are taken. Don’t underestimate them, Vicky. For your sake and your family’s.’
‘I went out without him, Mum. I feel sick when I think about it. It was a purely selfish act that could have ended in tragedy. At the very least I should have told Tom the truth.’
‘That would have been a good idea, but what’s done is done. There’s no point working yourself up into a state.’
I fish in my bag for a hanky and wipe my eyes.
‘So why did you invite Amber on holiday with you?’
Not Amber again. Why was she so obsessed with her?
‘I felt sorry for her. She was meant to go home with Robert.’ I stand up and brush the dust off my trousers and look at my watch. ‘Come on, time to go.’
She catches at my arm and I look down at her. ‘Wait.’
‘We should get back.’
‘In a minute. I know that you’re way past taking advice from your mother, but I’m going to say this anyway. When you get back to London, I think you should distance yourself from Amber Collins.’
‘Mum—’
‘Just listen a minute, will you? She’s jealous of you. She’s like that child you were friends with at school. I’ve forgotten her name. The one who tried to alienate you from your other friends.’
I wrinkle my nose. ‘Laura Griffin.’
‘That’s the one. Amber reminds me of her. I’m not saying drop her entirely, but maybe dilute her a little. Jenny was very nice. Why not see more of her?’
Old loyalties kick in and I feel the stirrings of an almost adolescent irritation with my parent. ‘Amber might be slightly screwed up, but she’s still my friend. She’d never do anything to hurt me. If I’m feeling insecure at the moment it’s entirely my own fault. I’m the one who nearly wrecked my marriage and I’m the one who put my child at risk.’
She squints at me, the sun in her eyes. ‘All right. I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.’
‘You’re my mum. You’re entitled. And I’ll be fine. You worry far too much.’
June 1992
THE PHONE RANG at five in the morning. Katya woke blinking in the darkness, her body slow to catch up. Above her, the low vibration of Luke’s voice was closely followed by the sound of feet crossing the floor. The toilet flushed, the feet padded back and the wardrobe doors slid open on their runners. When someone left the house, Katya was awake enough to kneel up on her bed and open the curtains a crack. A salmon-pink dawn reflected against Sally’s shiny white hatchback as she drove away.
When she woke again two hours later and emerged from her bedroom, Luke was already up and about, wearing a suit, smelling of aftershave.
‘Where’s Sally gone?’ she asked.
‘She’s at the hospice with her sister.’
Katya felt a chill run down her spine. ‘How long for?’