“Don’t. Just don’t,” he said forcefully.
I inched closer to him and laid my cheek on his back. “Why can you do that with them but not with me? Your girlfriend?”
Yoss jerked back around to face me, grabbing a hold of my wrists, his eyes wild. “You have no fucking idea, Imogen! How can you even want me to touch you when I’ve—When I’ve let those people—” He couldn’t continue. His hands were shaking, his nails biting into the soft underside of my arms.
“I look at you and you’re so innocent. So fucking pure. And I’m disgusting. I’ve let people do things to me…” He swallowed thickly. “These scars are from them, Imi. I let them hurt me because they like it. And I need the money.” He squeezed tighter. “How can I touch you with hands that have done things that I wish I could forget?”
“Yoss, I don’t care about any of that—”
“You should care, Imi! God damn it, you should!” His voice ricocheted around us and I cringed. Realizing how tightly he was gripping my arms, Yoss let go. He ran his hands through his hair. “I’ve never been with anyone. Not like that. Not when it means something.”
I went up on my knees and cupped the side of his face. I kissed his chin. Then his cheek. Then the corner of his eye. “I want to love you like you deserve, Yoss. Please let me.”
Brilliant, bright green stared at me with wonder. “I must have done something right to find you, Imogen Conner.”
His mouth found mine again, his hands slipping underneath the blanket to touch my skin.
“Yoss, I need to talk to you.”
Yoss jerked away from me as if he had been doused with ice water. I looked up and saw Manny standing beside the cinderblock bookshelf, watching us.
“Sorry to interrupt, kids, but I’ve secured some plans for the night. You were asked for specifically, Yoss,” Manny said, giving us an apologetic smile. As if he really felt bad about stepping into our private moment. As if he wasn’t about to take my boyfriend to meet some strange man who would make him do things for money.
I didn’t understand Manny. There were times he seemed like an affable guy. He would smile and say hello and you felt almost comforted by his warmth.
But he was also a man who used and manipulated the younger, vulnerable kids he came in contact with for despicable reasons.
“Cover yourself up,” Yoss muttered, wrapping the blanket tighter around me, shielding me from unwanted eyes.
Yoss hastily got to his feet. He and Manny walked away, their voices pitched low. I noticed how Manny continued to look my way as he spoke to Yoss and I felt a knot of alarm coil in my gut.
Yoss looked upset. Angry even. His fists were bunched at his side and for a moment I thought he was going to hit Manny. I had never seen Yoss like that with him before. Most of the time he practically defended the pimp. Or worse, he blamed himself for the choices he made.
Manny put a hand on Yoss’s shoulder and said something that made him sag a little. In defeat.
I quickly put my sweatshirt back on, feeling my own sense of defeat.
Manny followed Yoss back over to our spot and waited as he grabbed his deodorant and cologne.
“Where are you going?” I asked, feeling the anger start to simmer dangerously.
He was leaving?
Why couldn’t he just tell Manny to leave him alone? That he wouldn’t do that shit anymore? That he was done selling his body to those disgusting people?
“I’ll be back later,” Yoss muttered, not looking at me. Never looking at me.
“He won’t be gone too long, Imogen. He’ll be back before you know it,” Manny remarked, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket and handing it to Yoss, who took it and immediately lit it.
I didn’t bother to acknowledge Manny. I got to my feet and moved close to Yoss, my back to Manny so he wouldn’t hear me.
“Don’t go, Yoss. Tell him you can’t,” I pleaded.
Yoss swiped deodorant on his armpits and put it back and then spritzed himself with cologne he never wore any other time. I hated the smell of it.
“I have to, Imogen.”
I grabbed his hand, not letting him walk away from me. “No you don’t,” I snarled. “You can say, right now, you won’t do that stuff anymore. We can leave. Tonight.”
Yoss’s face hardened and the look in his eyes scared me. He finally looked at me, but for the first time I wished he hadn’t. “If my life disgusts you so much, you can leave you know. No one is keeping you here,” he spat.
I recoiled, taking a step back. “I just worry about you, Yoss. I see what this does to you,” I implored, lifting my hand to touch him, but he shook his head.