“You don’t need to spend money on me—”
“I want you to have it, Imi. I want you to keep it and wear it and that way you’ll always have a little piece of me,” Yoss said.
I let him pay for the necklace. And I wore it always. Never taking it off.
Even years later, after he left me, I couldn’t part with it.
It was my only link to a memory that wouldn’t fade.
“It looks good on you,” Yoss mused, rolling onto his side, propping his head up in his hand. He ran his finger along the tarnished chain at my throat.
I was on my back, staring up at the high, vaulted ceiling, trying to ignore the constant din of noise around us.
“I love it,” I said, turning my head to look at him. His face was so close to mine, our noses almost touching. My stomach rumbled and I felt faintly nauseated from the hunger, but I didn’t complain.
Yoss leaned in, putting his lips on mine. The hunger in my belly was replaced with a thousand flutters.
Someone yelled profanities followed by a crash. The shattering of glass. But his lips stayed on mine.
My hand moved up into his hair. It had gotten long, almost to his shoulders. My mouth opened and I felt his tongue sweep inside. We pressed against each other, my leg going up and over his hip. His hands were on my back, holding me as close as possible.
Yoss kissed me harder, his tongue insistent. I moaned deep and low, feeling a stirring deep down. A warmth that could easily become a raging fire.
He rolled me onto my back and he fit himself between my legs, never breaking the kiss. My heart was hammering in my chest, both exhilarated and hesitant by how fast things were starting to move.
Yoss could be a physically demonstrative guy, but there had always been boundaries to our intimacy. I knew that he loved me. He showed me in ways that left no room for doubt. But as much as I wanted to take our relationship to that level, he had been careful to never go that far.
So I was surprised by his aggressiveness. And while I welcomed it, something about it bothered me.
But my hormones silenced any thoughts I had.
Yoss’s hand slid up my shirt, touching bare skin. I shivered. He trembled. His fingers were unsure as he pushed up my bra and cupped my breast for the first time.
I had made it to second base a time or two in the past, but this felt different. Because with Yoss everything was different.
“God, Imi,” he moaned into my mouth, biting down on my bottom lip. Not hard. Just enough.
I pulled his shirt up and over his head so that his bare skin was there for me to touch. I ran my hands over every inch. I tried not to cringe away from the feel of rough scars beneath my fingers.
“Can I take your shirt off?” he whispered.
I nodded, not sure I could speak. Soon my sweatshirt joined his on the floor and I was lying on the pile of blankets in my bra and jeans. I hadn’t showered in months. I had tried to wash up the best I could this morning at the flea market, but I briefly worried about whether I smelled. I felt self-conscious about the way my ribs poked through my skin because of how much weight I’d lost.
Yoss looked down at me, his eyes hooded. “You’re beautiful,” he murmured, pulling the strap of my bra down my shoulder.
“I’m too skinny. And I’m all dirty and—”
Yoss cut me off with his mouth. A deep, penetrating kiss that erased every single thought. He broke away and turned his attention to the side of my neck. The tip of his tongue tracing along the curve of my collarbone. “You’re everything. Don’t you get that, Imi?” he said in between kisses.
His hand hesitated for a moment at the button of my jeans. Were we really going to do this? Now? After waiting so long?
“Yoss. Please,” I begged, cupping him through his pants, feeling how excited he was. I was a bundle of nerves. I wanted to be with him so bad, but I was scared at the same time. I was a virgin. I knew that Yoss wasn’t.
But that didn’t change the fact that I wanted to be with him. Desperately.
Yoss still hadn’t moved his hand. We were both breathing hard. Yoss looked down at me, his green eyes too serious. Heated but pained.
“Imi, I’m not sure—”
“Don’t you love me?” I challenged, feeling him retreat. Just like always.
Yoss kissed me. “Of course I do. You know I love you. More than anything.”
“Then why won’t you make love to me? We’ve been together for a while now. Don’t you want me?” My lips trembled and my voice broke. I was feeling the weight of his rejection bear down on me.
“It has nothing to do with not wanting to be with you, Imogen. I want to have sex. So much.” Yoss blew out a frustrated breath and lifted himself off me. I wrapped a blanket around my body feeling small and cold.
“Is it because of what you do for Manny? The things you do when you leave at night?” I dared to ask him, feeling brave enough to demand the answers I wanted.
Yoss grabbed his shirt and put it back on, turning his back to me. His shoulders were rigid and I knew I had pushed him too far.