It had been the end for us. The day when it all changed.
The alleyway was dark and I could just make out the shadowed figures hidden away from the street. I took a tentative step forward, hoping Manny was lying.
That when Yoss had promised me, he meant it.
I had to learn to trust him.
I started to turn away, disgusted with myself for doubting him.
Then I saw him. I’d recognize the dark black waves of hair anywhere. Even in the shadows, I knew him.
He was on his knees.
And then I saw the man with his sick, sick smile. His hand on the back of Yoss’s head. Holding him in place…
The bile rose in the back of my throat.
Tears burned my eyes and I wiped them away furiously.
I had to get it together.
Falling apart wasn’t an option.
I walked back into his room, prepared for the cold, icy man I had become somewhat used to. I anticipated the brick wall I was about to walk into.
But it wasn’t there.
Yoss looked up as I walked in and patted the bed beside him.
“They’ve finally figured out where the lady is being kept. It’s getting to the good part,” he said. He sounded edgy. Tired.
I should talk to him about so many things. It was my job. It’s what I was paid to do.
“Yoss,” I began, but he cut me off with a shake of his head.
“Come watch the rest of the movie with me. At least until the sun goes down,” he said, a note of pleading in his tone.
“It’s already dark,” I pointed out. The day was long gone.
“We can pretend it’s still sunset, can’t we?” he asked.
Sunset.
It had meant so much to the kids we used to be.
The soft light at the end of the day had been the only time we could feel hope.
Yoss would look at me and smile as the sun became shadow and I would feel a stirring in my broken heart. Because no matter how bad things had become, at least we had survived another day.
After the world had thrown us away, we could hold onto that. To each other. And feel something close to happy.
So I would imagine it was sunset. For Yoss. For me.
I slowly walked to his bed.
He patted the space beside him again.
I didn’t overthink it. I carefully sat down beside him. I was rigid at first, not sure what I was supposed to do.
I felt his hands on my shoulders, pulling me back. Into him.
Anyone could walk in and see us. I should use my head. Not my heart.
But this was Yoss.
And I was Imi.
So I gently molded into his side, my head resting on his shoulder as we pressed together on the small hospital bed.
“Patti really is the smartest one in this whole movie,” Yoss said and I felt his voice rumble beneath my ear.
“Kelso’s not so bad,” I added, letting my palm rest on his stomach. I felt the muscles clench and then relax underneath my touch.
Yoss laid his check against the top of my head, his hand on my back. “Well, it took him long enough to figure out where Mrs. Miller was. He seems pretty inept to me.”
“He found her in the end. That’s all that matters really,” I murmured, my eyes feeling heavy. It would be so easy to fall asleep.
Just.
Like.
This.
“I would do it all differently if I could.” Yoss let out a long pent up breath. “I wouldn’t be stupid enough to think that what I thought was the right thing actually was the right thing.”
“You were young, Yoss. You did the best you could,” I excused. Maybe I shouldn’t. Perhaps he should be held to task for the choices he had made. But I couldn’t do that to him. Because what would be the point? I couldn’t stomach the thought of making him feel any worse.
“I don’t think that’s true, Imi.” I felt him rest his head against the top of my head. “At least with you, I got something right.”
I wasn’t sure exactly what he was referring to. Was he talking about being with me?
Or leaving me?
But they were questions for another day.
I remained quiet and we finished watching the movie. Pressed against each other. Trying to ignore the real world that waited for us.
Like the kids we used to be.
Embracing a second chance that had been stolen from us years ago.
Fifteen Years Ago
Yoss carefully slipped out from underneath the blankets. I knew he was hoping not to wake me. But I had already been awake since daybreak.
Mable, the lady who screamed as though she were being attacked every single morning, had been at it for hours. I had learned to block it out most of the time, but not today.
Someone had started a fire somewhere and the large, open room of The Pit had filled with a thick, acrid smoke. I was terrified everything would go up in a blaze. But it was starting to get cold at night. So cold that the thin blankets Yoss and I slept under were no longer enough to stay warm.
“Where are you going?” I asked, my voice scratchy with lack of sleep. I already missed the feel of him against me. I felt an indescribable panic at the thought of him leaving me alone again.
He did it often. I should be used to it. But I wasn’t. I didn’t think I’d ever be.