“Get the fuck out of here,” Bug’s brother said, sounding tired. And maybe not so angry. He was simply a sad man who had lost his brother. It was hard to tell. Grief turned us into people we hardly recognized.
“Bug’s dead?” Yoss’s voice cracked. His green eyes red shot and heavy lidded were filled with an anguish that ripped me apart.
“If you were really his friends you would have told him to go home. To stop being a selfish fucking idiot and call his parents, who have spent the last four years praying for their son to come back,” Bug’s brother continued.
Yoss swayed slightly on his feet and I had to wrap my arm around him to steady him. “Bug’s dead,” he repeated and I knew it was finally sinking in. Our friend was gone. He wouldn’t be showing up with a pocketful of lighters and a goofy, stoned smile on his face.
Bug’s brother, realizing he wasn’t getting a reaction from Yoss, turned his furious attention on me. “Why would a bunch of kids sleep in that shithole anyway? People get killed in that place! Brad had a home to go to, why the hell didn’t you make him go back to it? What sort of friends are you?” he demanded.
I glanced at Yoss who looked as if he were going to be sick. “I didn’t know anything about you—” I tried to say.
“Tanner. My name is Tanner,” Bug’s brother said, his voice softening, just a little. He rubbed his eyes, wiping away the tears. “He never mentioned me? His parents? Not even our little sister?” he whispered.
Yoss grasped my hand so tightly it cut off the circulation. I tried to wiggle my fingers to keep the blood moving. I didn’t want to hurt Bug’s brother, who was obviously barely holding it together. I didn’t want to tell him the truth. That Bug never mentioned anything about his family. Not once. Yoss, who was closer to Bug than I was, didn’t even know the truth. That Bug had a family that obviously loved him.
Then why didn’t he go home? Why did he run away in the first place?
Tanner saw the unspoken question on my face. “Brad had issues. He wasn’t all there. He started smoking weed when he was just a kid. It devastated our mom. He acted out a lot. Got in trouble at school. Then one day he just never came home from baseball practice.”
“I can’t even imagine,” I whispered.
Tanner ran his hands over his face and then looked at me with hard, penetrating eyes so much like his brother’s. “If you have someone out there who loves you, don’t do this to them. Don’t leave them to wonder where you are. And don’t do this to yourself. Don’t live a life that will kill you one day. You deserve better than that.” He stopped and looked at Yoss who was so, so pale. “You both do.”
His words seemed to hit Yoss hard. “You love him,” Yoss said, as if he couldn’t quite believe it.
“Of course we do. We’re his family,” Tanner retorted, looking angry again.
“We’re his family too.” Yoss let go of my hand and walked away. Out into the cold, wintery day.
“Is he alright?” Tanner asked with some concern.
“He cared about your brother. We all did. We…well, we were close. Like a family. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. We’ll miss him too,” I explained as best I could.
Tanner gave me a sad, sad smile. “I’m sorry I lashed out like that at your friend. But getting the call about Brad, that he was dead, I kind of expected it one day, just not today.” He looked out the window bleakly. “My parents are identifying his body. I couldn’t go back there.”
I wanted to comfort him. This complete stranger who loved Bug. Who had lost Bug. Just like Yoss and I had.
“How did the police know who to call?” I asked. It wasn’t the most important question to ask, but for some reason it seemed important.
“His wallet,” Tanner chuckled, wiping away more tears. “He still carried the damn wallet I got him for his tenth birthday with the ID card inside that he filled out years ago.”
I could see Yoss standing on the sidewalk, hands stuffed in his pockets, staring up at the sky. I needed to go to him. I couldn’t leave him alone.
“I need to go. I wish I could say it was nice meeting you—” I began to say.
“It really wasn’t though,” Tanner finished for me. “I know I said some awful stuff to that other guy about Brad. About you being shitty friends. But I can tell that’s not true. It makes me feel better to know that my little brother had friends who cared about him. Friends that were like family.” He put his hand on my shoulder. “Take care of yourself.”
I smiled and said goodbye, hurrying out to Yoss who still hadn’t moved.
“Yoss. Are you alright?” I asked tentatively, not sure how to be with him. He seemed on a brink. Teetering dangerously, ready to go over. I had never seen Yoss so unhinged.
Yoss continued to stare up at the grey sky. “I didn’t take care of him. I was supposed to. That’s my job. To make sure you, Bug, Di, Shane, and Karla are safe.”