Fucking hell.
The worst part is knowing this wretched case of foot-in-mouth disease was so preventable.
Before I do more damage, I storm out of the lab.
Tom waits for me patiently with the car, and I throw myself inside of it without another word.
Amazingly, tonight抯 blue balls are the least of my worries.
I should抳e known better than to get mixed up with an employee.
I damn well should抳e known better than to reconnect with old friends.
Why the fuck did Troy have to squawk about Aster at all? When the sensation to stab him in the throat slightly fades, I call him from the back seat Bluetooth setup.
揅ole? It抯 late, man, what抯 up??
揂re you still up??I bite off.
揧eah...what抯 up??
揗eet me at my house ASAP. It might take me a few minutes to get there. I抦 leaving the office now.?
揙kay, sure. No problem. Is everything okay? You sound really棓
揓ust come, Troy. We抣l discuss it then.?
Thirty minutes later, I overfill two large glasses with brandy and hand one to Troy.
He sits on my black leather sofa in an oversized island shirt with a blank expression. His usual shitty grin was wiped off his face the moment he stepped through the door.
I could smell the stink of whisky on him, and it brings me some small pleasure to know I tore him away from the bar downtown and his next hookup tonight.
Still, he gives me that kicked puppy look I hate when I hand him his damn drink.
揅ole...I抦 sorry I let too much slip. I didn抰 mean to tell her point blank that Aster killed herself, and I definitely never expected her to hassle you about it.?
My eyebrows go up sharply.
?..it抯 your business. Family business. I get it. I really screwed the pooch and I抦 sorry.?He hangs his head, staring into his drink.
Am I being too hard on him?
He抯 never been anything but supportive since the night he saved me from a knife fight in Manila on leave. If he hadn抰 been there to drag my drunk ass away from four nasty guys I抎 gotten into an argument with, I might抳e never had Aster or Destiny or Eliza to worry about at all.
There抯 also no denying how strange Aster抯 end was, how it抯 given me nothing but questions.
I sigh, rolling my shoulders.
揥hatever. It抯 not your fault,?I mutter, taking a pull off my drink. 揑t抯 not even Eliza抯. I should抳e laid my cards out before anything happened with her.?
Sympathy shines in his eyes. 揗an, you just need to open up with her. Have a heart-to-heart. Tell her the truth without holding anything back.?
揑 can抰.?
Troy gulps his brandy and sets the glass down with a thunk.
揥hy not??
揃ecause I don抰 even know the fucking truth after all these years, Troy.?I throw back my brandy, waiting for the fireball in my gut before I ask, 揧ou want another round??
He hands me his empty glass.
揊ill me up. And Lancaster, you know the truth, you heartbroken asshole. You just don抰 want to admit it.?
I sigh again as I refill our glasses, sloshing booze on the table and not caring.
揑抳e been thinking about it constantly ever since we came home. Destiny brought back this turtle necklace she took from her mom抯 room. Thing is, it抯 driving me crazy. I抳e never seen it before, but Dess is convinced I bought it for Aster on our last trip there. It抯 the only explanation that makes sense, but I just can抰 take credit for jewelry I can抰 remember. How fucked up is that??
揧ou don抰 remember??He squints at me, his silver eyes flickering in the shadows.
I hand him his glass and down mine.
揑抳e tried like hell. Maybe I blanked it out,?I say bitterly.
He throws back his brandy and leans forward. 揑 was with you, Cole. It was the first day on the island, the last time we were all there. We stopped at that little farmer抯 market that rolled into town, remember??
?..I don抰 remember shit. We did??I rack my brain, trying to pull up any hint of what he抯 describing.
揧eah!?
揗aybe I抦 too drunk.?I shake my head. 揑 can抰 even remember going into town that day.?
揥e stopped for snacks. It was just you and me. Aster, I think she was giving you hell about something棓
揟hat part I believe. She was always up my ass about something. My drinking, my eating, my work habits, my not spending every waking hour with Destiny when she agreed to watch her, et cetera.?
He grins knowingly. 揂in抰 that the truth! You were too good to her. Whatever the hell else you don抰 remember, I hope you still know that. You bought her that necklace at this pop-up jewelry place next to the shaved-ice stands. I think it was a couple traveling artists selling their stuff. They came over from Maui桳ahaina or some place. The necklace jumped out at you with all that intricate detail and you grabbed it on a whim. You thought it might smooth things over...?
It抯 believable enough, but my memory is a hole.
揇id it work??I ask grimly.
He shrugs. 揧eah. She loved it, man. For like ten minutes...?
We both chuckle.
揊uck. I feel bad for laughing,?I say, pressing my fingers into my sore eyes. Guilt and brandy are a potent combination.
Troy nods slowly.
揑t抯 hard, because she抯 gone, but that doesn抰 change what she did while she was here. You did your best, Cole, I know you did. It takes tough stuff to handle a woman like her and梐nd she抯 gone now,?he whispers, staring at his glass. 揕isten, you only get one life. I抦 not sure you should spend the rest of it mourning what happened to Aster ten years ago. It was horrible梔on抰 get me wrong梚t was fucking tragic. It changed your life and Destiny抯 forever, no question. I抦 not suggesting you should have just bounced back like snapping your fingers. But now...now when you抳e got this pretty little thing who looks at you like you just hung the stars...don抰 you think maybe it抯 time to let it go??
For a moment, I抦 quiet, rolling his words over.
揇on抰 know. I抳e never been fully convinced Aster killed herself, honestly. And I know it wasn抰 an accident.?
He shakes his head sharply, his friendly smile gone.
揅ole, that抯 crazy talk. How do you know??
I stroke my thumb over my chin.
揇uring my entire marriage, did you ever see Aster going on wild adventures at night? She knew how choppy the waters could get after sunset. She抎 never walk up the cliffs like they thought she might抳e done. She saw them a thousand times and swam off that beach plenty of times during the daylight. She wouldn抰 sneak out on a spontaneous nighttime swim without telling anyone. It just didn抰 happen.?
揙kay, maybe you抮e right,?he says slowly. 揃ut why don抰 you think it was a suicide? Nothing else makes sense. It wasn抰 just a crazy night walk if she had a purpose...?
I grab the bottle. 揂nother round??
揥hy not? This is heavy shit.?
I fill our glasses again, hating that I need a lot more than three glasses to drown the constant aching mystery in my head.
揑 don抰 know how to say this. Any way I phrase it, it抯 going to sound shitty. I feel horrible because she抯 dead, and I抦 not trying to be disrespectful,?I say. 揃ut think about the story you just told me. And I didn抰 even remember that one.?
揟he necklace??
I nod, throwing back my drink and enjoying the fire in my gut.
Troy takes half his drink, too, and starts coughing at the end. I wonder if we抳e both had enough.
揥hat抯 that got to do with Aster offing herself??he asks.
揘othing. Except, people who are suicidal are usually convinced other people are better off without them. Does it sound like she cared about anyone else being better off? I remember the day before she died on that trip. We stopped off for a plate lunch in town and she talked nonstop about starting her new designer soap business. She wanted me to pull some strings to have a new LLC and production line set up the following week. I just wanted to enjoy my damn kalua pork with Destiny laughing on my lap, and instead I got a goddamned business meeting.?