揑t was eons ago, Eliza. He抣l probably never be completely over her, but that doesn抰 mean he doesn抰 care about you. Deeply. Anyway, I抦 probably not the person you should be having this conversation with.?
揜ight. I抦 sorry. You抮e his best friend, so I just thought I抎 ask...?
揘o biggie. I can tell you what I know, but I don抰 want to speak for Cole, right??He searches my eyes.
揑 understand.?
揋ood, and thanks again for the science demo. I抣l see you later.?Troy leaves the lab.
I run to the drinking fountain by my desk for water with my stomach swirling.
All of those alarm bells and red flags are burning my senses.
No, I don抰 think Cole is like Derek, but that抯 not the point.
He抎 never cheat and lie.
Okay, he抎 never cheat.
He might lie梙armless, necessary little white lies like his Mr. Smith act at the sushi place梑ut I don抰 think he抎 ever hurt anyone on purpose. But what if he抯 not fully over Aster?
Half an hour later, Cole texts me. I jump when my phone vibrates.
How are the cold drinks coming?
Dude. You sent someone down to watch the campfire method and you think I抳e had time to get your frozen drinks ready?
They抮e not coming yet. I got a little sidetracked with Troy抯 visit, I send back.
Cole: Just let me know when they are.
Eliza: Will do, but it抯 going to be a few hours.
The next text he sends is an image of us.
Me, specifically, asleep in his arms on the hammock in a green Hawaiian oasis. I took this after you fell asleep. You were too fucking cute not to.
There go my worries again.
I抦 smiling like a moonstruck fool at the memory.
If only I could hold on to that.
But if his wife抯 death is making him hold back, making him hesitate, then all our happy Hawaiian memories are tainted.
And if coffee and secrets are all we have, then it抯 one bad cup I can抰 stomach.
18
Fine Grind (Cole)
It抯 been almost a week since my sushi date with Eliza, when I promised her I wouldn抰 go three days without kissing her again.
Still, I get the nagging feeling she抯 avoiding me.
If I抦 being honest, she was distant, even that night.
She抯 been all fucking distance since we came home from the island. Why?
It抯 past nine o抍lock when I head down to the lab.
Not only is she still working, she抯 there alone, the other techs and supervisors long since ducking out for the day. She stands over a marble counter, measuring beans and mixing them with something I can抰 see from here.
I walk up behind her, lock my arms around her waist, and kiss her neck like a man possessed.
揔issing me at work? Very bold.?She relaxes into me with a soft laugh. 揥hat are you doing here??
揑 promised I wouldn抰 go three days without kissing you again, and I抦 done with blue balls.?I kiss her neck again. 揅ome home with me tonight.?
She doesn抰 turn toward me, but she doesn抰 pull away either.
I watch as she carefully finishes dicing toasted coconut with my arms around her.
揧ou抳e got half an hour before security closes up for the night,?I remind her.
揢gh, don抰 remind me.?She rolls her eyes. 揕ook, I won抰 turn into a pumpkin at ten, if the coffee robbers outside don抰 break in and steal me away first...?
揟hat抯 another minute gone,?I say, tapping my watch.
Despite her smile, her eyes never leave her tiny strip of toasted coconut.
揅ome the fuck home with me. It抯 been too long. I miss you, and so does my cock.?
I feel her shudder deliciously in my arms.
She sets her knife down and turns to face me, but not with her usual enthusiasm. 揅ole, where is this going??
Oh, boy. Now I know I抦 about waist-deep in shit.
揥hat do you mean??
揂 few days before you were Mr. Smith and we hid in a private room. You were ready to棓 She does a faux deep voice and uses finger quotes now. 搼Handle HR and whatever else棐?She drops the fake voice and puts her hands down. 揟hen you needed two extra days before having dinner with me...I get it. I gave you an easy out.?
She抯 not wrong.
Everything happened just like she says and I realize it抯 worrying.
Still.
揥hat easy out??I throw back.
揑 told you, it was just a matter of time before someone found out about us, and you swore you didn抰 care. Obviously, you do.?
揑抣l go to HR as promised. I just thought棓
揘o, don抰 apologize. I抦 not angry,?she rushes out.
揧ou sure? You sound pissed.?I stare, trying to decipher the strange, conflicted look on her face.
She hugs herself with a heavy sigh.
揅ole, I抦 sorry. I get overly emotional sometimes. It抯 complicated桰 get that梐nd I抦 not upset with you.?She pauses, inhaling sharply. 揟roy came to see me the other day. He told me he抯 been worried about you and Destiny for years.?
What the hell? It抯 bad enough that Troy runs his mouth more than he should with my daughter, but now my woman too?
揌e抯 right about that,?I clip. 揑 just don抰 appreciate him having that talk with you before I get a chance.?
揙h, no. He was totally polite. I was the one asking nosy questions, and he said I should talk to you when I asked too many.?She holds her hands up. 揕ook, I know you抳e never fully gotten closure with your wife抯 suicide. I抦 sure that抯 why you don抰 know what you want with me, and棓
揥hat did you say??I cut her off.
I stop cold, arms folded, ice sweeping through my veins.
Her face falls. 揓esus, I抦 sorry. That came out all wrong. I just棓
揃efore that. Back the fuck up.?
揧ou never fully let go of, um, Aster...?Her voice is so small, and the word that抯 missing梥uicide梚s almost deafening with its absence.
揈liza, whatever the hell happened to her is none of your goddamn business. Understand??I turn away from her.
I can feel her staring, but she抯 too scared to say another word.
Shit.
I knew we抎 need to touch on my past sooner or later, but not like this. It抯 all coming out wrong and I抦 angry, snarling at her like a wounded animal.
I look at her sad, wide eyes.
揑t抯 deeply personal, Eliza,?I try again. 揑抦 willing to discuss it without being ambushed like this. And for the record, Aster didn抰 kill herself.?
Her chest rises and falls. 揙kay. But Troy said棓
揟roy doesn抰 know his ass from his mouth.?Fuck. Why the hell have they been talking about me? About Aster? And what the hell else has my supposed friend been feeding Eliza and Destiny? My blood feels like acid, burning me from the inside out. 揚erhaps you抮e right to be concerned. We抳e fallen too hard, too fucking fast.?
揅ole, no! I棓
She reaches for me, but I stiffen, holding up a hand.
揇on抰. And don抰 talk to me about my dead wife again until I tell you some facts.?
Her lips tremble. She nods, but I see the way she quivers as she turns, how she wipes a hot tear from her cheek before she can speak.
揑...I know. I won抰. I shouldn抰 have blurted it out. I knew you抎 be hurt, and for good reason... But hearing you say it out loud makes it way more real.?She pauses, waiting for me to say more, to hug her, but I don抰.
The gulf between us feels a mile wide.
I loathe it.
I抎 rather have a hole in my head.
揥ell...if you抣l excuse me, I have work to finish,?she whispers.
I glance at my watch. 揧ou can抰 be here after security changes over. It抯 against policy now. You have less than fifteen minutes to clean up.?
揙h, so we care about corporate policies now??Hurt sarcasm drips from her voice.
揑 won抰 have you or anyone else here alone past ten. You know that,?I say coldly.
揂nd I抎 rather not have you in this lab at all, but here you are.?
My fingers form a fist, and I bang it softly against my thigh. I just can抰 stop the train wreck rolling out of my mouth.
揥hy do you have to be so goddamned difficult??I growl.
揗r. Lancaster, you抮e distracting me from my job. It抯 after hours and I抦 tired. Please just梘et out. Get out of my workspace.?
It抯 surreal, watching yourself fuck everything up without an easy way to un-fuck it.
揇on抰 make this personal,?I whisper. 揑t抯 a simple safety precaution. If something ever happened to you...?I pause, inhaling air that scalds my lungs. 揑抎 never forgive myself. Never, Eliza.?
揥hat difference does it make? You shouldn抰 have let me in, remember??