Thankfully, Troy also disappears for his shower and returns a few minutes after the meeting starts.
It抯 a quick gathering just to review the mission and plans for the next few days. I remind everyone we抣l be meeting virtually daily as long as we抮e here for a quick check-in.
I抦 well aware I can抰 expect all work and no play.
This isn抰 my first trip to a place rife with wonders competing for company attention. Without the regular check-ins, it抯 too easy for them to get lost on the beaches, and then a vital trip costing tens of thousands of dollars becomes a missed opportunity.
I dismiss the meeting and people trickle out, talking amongst themselves loudly.
揅ole, why didn抰 you tell me Ace is smoking??Troy says when it抯 just us again.
I hold his gaze, careful not to let my temper boil over, my face set like stoic steel.
揂ce is not her name. That抯 probably also not an appropriate comment to the CEO about a woman you work with while we抮e on a work trip.?
He does a double take and slowly winces. Before he can even hold up his hands, offering a half-assed apology, I shake my head.
揕ook, I know things are more laid back in Bali. I抦 not here to bust your balls or play a game of 慻otcha,?but my c-team back home expects a certain discipline. If it抯 anything I抎 frown on with them, then it isn抰 fit for me to be a huge fucking hypocrite and gab about her appearance either梟o matter how striking she might be.?
For a second, he抯 damn near speechless.
Way to be a sanctimonious jagoff, I think to myself. Where was your concern when she had her fingers in your mouth? When she tripped into your arms and you almost fucking kissed her?
But I left the lab then. I refrained from leaving teeth marks on her lips under the banyan tree.
I do the right thing, dammit, even when it抯 the very last thing I want.
Troy stares at me, his mouth parted in this awkward half smile. Then he throws his head back and chuckles.
揥hat??I clip. I wasn抰 expecting that.
揙h, man, good for you. The single widower has moved on.?He slaps me hard on the shoulder. 揑t抯 healthy, Cole. I抦 happy for you. Honest to God.?
Fuck this.
I should抳e known he抎 read between the lines and start flinging crap.
揑 have no idea what you mean,?I growl.
揕ike hell, you don抰,?Troy whispers.
I stare him up and down, wondering how he抯 matured so little when he抯 married to his job like I am. And how was I ever close friends with this guy?
揑f I said the same thing about Lola Goodwind in finance棓
揑抎 tell you to get your eyes checked.?Lola抯 image comes to mind. She抯 not hideous, but she抯 a human chameleon. Maybe if she stuck to a single color or at least one color palette and washed her hair regularly, she抎 have men up her ass. She also keeps about fifty different inspirational quotes taped around her desk, the surface littered with disposable cups from every coffee she抯 drank that week. 揂nd maybe your head, too,?I add glumly.
揝ee? No harm, no foul. Like I said, the big man抯 moving on and I love it,?he ribs me again.
I shove his arm away, taking a step back.
揈nough.?I try to loosen my frown. 揂gain, I抦 not trying to be a hardass, but what if Destiny hears us? She抣l be upset if we抮e talking about our female staff like wagyu steaks, and I抦 not having it.?
揃ullshit. You know it抯 okay if you get on with your life, right? It抯 been years. You抮e allowed to have a pulse, Cole. I bet your daughter doesn抰 expect you to be celibate for the rest of your life.?
My hand balls into a fist at my side. Mainly because he抯 right, and it抯 annoying as hell.
揚oint is, my fuck habits梠r lack thereof梐ren抰 on our agenda.?
He sighs, slow and hissing. 揧eah, okay. Well, we used to be more than just co-workers, remember? We were friends, Cole.?
He waits for me to respond.
When I don抰, he continues. 揥hy抎 you shut me out, man? Really? I did everything you asked after Aster梬ell, after棓
揂fter she died. You can say it,?I spit.
He flinches. 揜ight. After that. I did everything you asked梚ncluding taking on this overseas role that keeps me three thousand miles from home. Not that I抦 complaining, the lifestyle suits me. But still, why抎 you go and freeze me out??
I don抰 have an answer.
Maybe I just didn抰 feel like talking after Aster died. And Troy梥ole witness to the torture I went through immediately after her death梑ecame the last person I ever wanted to deal with.
There was no deeper reason than soul-crushing grief and single parenting. I never had time to analyze it in gritty detail.
Now, standing here in the same room with him and seeing the same old Troy, I can抰 say I regret it.
揑 expect reports on the availability of our peaberry stock at each farm by four,?I say coldly, taking a step toward the door and halting when I抦 almost there. I look back over my shoulder. 揜emember, Troy, I manage our people. You handle the farms.?
His head rolls from side to side slowly.
揑 don抰 get it. Did you have me fly in from Indonesia just to berate me??
揘o. I called you here because I need detailed reports. This is too important. I also thought you could add value to the daily briefings as we work on this new specialty line,?I say, all business, answering him but not addressing his real question.
I抳e had enough of his shit, and I抦 out.
Before he can utter another word, I抦 stomping out the door.
Brooding in paradise feels illegal, but here I fucking am.
I sit on the lawn under my favorite tree, inhaling the sea salt and sun-kissed air. The clouds overhead gather in a thick line, marching across the sky and making me think there抯 a rainstorm on the way.
I welcome it.
The quick island cloudbursts usually last no more than a few minutes梛ust long enough to cool the skin and wipe the grease off my soul.
It抯 like the weather wants to match my mood.
Destiny walks by, holding a couple yellow-green bananas freshly plucked from a tree. Anyone else would mistake her for happy.
But I know my daughter. Her shoulders are too high, her spine too straight, her body too stiff, and her smile is fake as hell.
揇estiny, what抯 wrong??I call.
Her brows lift. 揥hat??
揧ou抮e traipsing along like a scorned cat.?I shrug. 揓ust wondering.?
揘o, Dad, I抦 good!?She says it with way too much enthusiasm, searching for a diversion until her eyes land on her hand. 揃anana??
揘o thanks. You enjoy.?
Part of me wants to tell her it抯 okay to have a hard time here. It isn抰 wrong to grieve, to process, especially now that she抯 a young adult and not a child who lost her mother years ago.
But another part of me says I抦 better off leaving it alone and not dealing with the fallout until she signals she抯 ready.
She passes by too quickly before I can say anything else.
Why shouldn抰 she be guarded?
Aster抯 death was a fucking shock. There were always more questions than answers surrounding it, too.
A tragic drowning. No mystery in the end result. As for everything else...
Why the hell was she out so late?
She knew how dramatically the ocean changes out here.
Did she just walk into the waves or fall off a cliff?
I抣l never understand why she just had to go to the beach alone in the dark.
Sure, Aster always kept me guessing, especially as her mental health worsened. In the beginning, her unpredictability was what drew me to her.
If my family put me up to marrying a woman of their choice, at least it was one with a spontaneous side.
Still, I wonder. Did her condition worsen, far beyond any danger her doctors noticed?
She was never suicidal or prone to self-harm.
She took risks, but not outrageous ones.
In all the time I knew her, that nighttime death swim didn抰 seem like something Aster would ever do.
She was there for a reason, but why?
Did she take her own life after all?
Was it part of some fucked up energy cleaning ritual she read about?
I don抰 know.
There抯 a hole in her final chapter and a yawning chasm in my life.
If she took her life, that抯 partly on me. I couldn抰 give her a happy home.