She’d fought to get this back, battled to be able to enjoy this again. And Alex had been there with her. Even when she’d treated him like hell, he’d still been there.
“You want to push me, angel?” He had his mouth right against her ear. “It took me a while, but I know this game now. You need this. You need me to take control. You need to play and know that I’m going to give you what you need. But you’ve opened this door again and I don’t know that I can shut it. You might be the smart one. This little play of yours might have been smarter than mine, but know this, the next time you disobey my orders, I will keep you on the edge for hours. You think the last five days have been bad? They will be heaven compared to what I’ll do. I will tie you down and your ass will be more than red. I will plug you and spank you and take you right up to the point of orgasm and then sit back and watch you squirm.”
That sounded perfectly dreadful. She was a logical woman deep down. There were days when spending an afternoon being edged would be interesting, but not now. Not after the way he’d primed her for days. She needed him.
She needed to take a different tactic. He’d been scared and maybe it was real progress. She’d pushed the mission forward, but he seemed much more worried about the vague possibility that she’d been in danger. Even though she really hadn’t. He was trying. He was putting her before the mission. She couldn’t help but soften up a little.
“Alex, I don’t want that and I don’t think you want that, either. We don’t have much time in here. We have to get cleaned up and you have to spend the rest of the day with Chazz. Do you really want to spend the little time we have withholding my orgasm? Have the last couple of days really been so easy on you?”
He turned her back around, his eyes on her mouth. He was already wavering. “You know they haven’t. But I should spank that ass until you can’t sit down and then I should force you to your knees. I should make you suck my cock and take everything I have, and then I should walk away because you need to learn a lesson. I’m in charge when we’re out in the field.”
He was so frustrating. “I do understand, but I’m right about this, Alex.”
His fingers reached for her nipples, twisting them lightly, making her shiver. “I don’t care if you’re right or not. You have to obey me. He could have hurt you. He could have hauled you away somewhere. He could have…”
She put her hands on his hips, snuggling closer. He needed reassurance. Sometimes it was easy to forget that the Dom needed to feel safe, too. “I’m fine. I promise I will fight like hell if anyone tries to take me again. I’ll scream and shout and I will do everything I can to get back to you.”
He sighed, his anger seeming to deflate. “Did you fight Evans?”
She didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t want to go there. She wanted him to spank her again. She could cry that way. She could let the pain float away.
God, she’d kept it in for so long. She’d blamed Alex, but she was at fault, too. “I didn’t. I was scared.”
“I know you were, angel.” His hands gentled, finding the nape of her neck and pulling her close.
She sighed and relaxed into his strength. His cock was still hard against her belly. He still wanted her. “I couldn’t believe it was happening, and I thought I shouldn’t fight because maybe he wouldn’t hurt me more. I was in shock from seeing them kill Tommy and Leon. I thought maybe he would be easy on me if I complied. I thought he was going to ransom me. I was so stupid. So stupid. I kept thinking he wasn’t going to hurt me. He didn’t need to hurt me. I was fooling myself but I just wanted to survive. I just wanted to go home.”
It was one of the things she regretted most. She’d been so docile, trying to logic her way out of an illogical situation.
He ran a hand across her wet hair, smoothing it out, his eyes so haunted. “I looked for you.”
Eve nodded. She was sure of that. “I know you did.”
“Ian looked for you. Ian used every influence he had and we couldn’t find you and it still didn’t work. God, angel, he could have killed you. I didn’t sleep for a week. I just focused on finding you. It was the only thing that kept me sane.”
And then he’d stayed sane by switching his focus to finding Evans, and she’d gone silent. She’d withheld herself from him because she’d been scared at first, and it had become a habit. “Alex, do you think my scars are ugly?”
She’d never just asked him, terrified that she would get a lukewarm, kind answer. There were so many questions she hadn’t asked because she’d been afraid. She knew he wouldn’t tell her yes, but how he said it would mean everything.
He tugged her hair, forcing her head back. All tenderness was gone. “What did you say?”