But even if he had, it would have been the perfect way to go. Nothing in her life had ever been so extraordinary, so all-consuming. Especially not sex.
After playing the sex symbol for so many years, everyone thought she was so sexy. They assumed she ate men for lunch and spit out their bones before dinner. But they couldn’t have been more wrong, couldn’t have known just how uncomfortable and fake sex had always felt for her. In large part because the men she’d slept with had always wanted—and expected—her to be as glossy and camera-ready in the sack as she was while filming with makeup artists and hairstylists standing by.
Rosa had been a virgin until after they’d signed on to do the show, so she’d never had sex without that pressure right alongside it. Which meant that she’d never really been able to enjoy it.
Right now, however, she was anything but glossy. Miles from camera-ready. She was sticky and sweaty, and her hair was knotted from where Drake’s hands had tangled in it, a thick fog of sensual bliss lingering while she worked to get some oxygen back into her lungs.
In his arms, she’d temporarily forgotten to be afraid. Passion, desire, and pleasure had taken over every cell, inside and out. But now that she was starting to overthink everything again, the fear that he wouldn’t be able to appreciate her like this came rushing back.
She knew just when he sensed her shift from languid to stiff by the way he drew back to lever himself over her, then gazed down at her with obvious concern. “Something’s wrong.”
Knowing she was only making things worse by getting all weird right after they’d just had amazing sex, she made herself say, “How could anything be wrong after that?”
“I don’t know,” he said in a gentle voice. Even when they’d been totally swept up in passion with her wrists in his hands as he took her deliciously hard and fast, he’d been gentle at his core. “But something clearly is.”
For so many years, she’d been able to bank her true thoughts and reactions. But with Drake, she couldn’t seem to hold herself back. She kept telling him too much—feeling too much around him. Which meant that when whatever they were doing together came to its inevitable end, her heart would not only rupture into a million little pieces, but it would never grow back whole again.
“Why can’t you just be a clueless guy like the rest of them? Why do you have to notice every little thing?”
“I don’t notice with everyone, Rosa.”
She’d felt appreciated—treasured—in his arms. But while she could easily have chalked that up to endorphins, she couldn’t deny that his words could mean only one thing: She was important to him.
And it scared her. So much that she blurted, “I’m tired of feeling scared.”
“I was too rough.” He reached for her wrists, ran his fingertips over them as if to check for bruises. “You asked for dangerous, but I took it too far.”
“No, the way you took me...that’s not what scared me. You were perfect. You are perfect.” A rough breath shook through her. “I’m the one who isn’t. Not even close. Men always expect me to be, especially in bed. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t do it. I just can’t.”
“That’s why you’re scared?” He looked as though he not only couldn’t believe what she’d just said, but that it wouldn’t compute inside his brain. “Because you think I expect you to be perfect?”
“For five years, I’ve had one job: to look pretty and polished all the time. It didn’t matter if I’d just woken up or was coming out of the gym.” She sat up, needing a little space to try to make sense so that he’d understand where she was coming from. “So even though I know I haven’t looked great since we met, I’ve never looked like this. All knotted up and sticky. I don’t want you to think—” She swallowed hard. “To think that you’ve made a mistake sleeping with me.”
Even as she said it, Rosa knew that she was making a huge mistake by letting herself get closer to him like this. A mistake for which she was soon going to pay dearly. Because when she had to force herself to leave him before he was ruined by being linked to her—romantically or otherwise—it was going to rip her heart in two.
“Jesus, Rosa.” He pulled himself into a sitting position too. “The only mistake is if you think the reason people all over the world are mesmerized by you is because of what you look like. There are plenty of beautiful women out there, but no one wants to follow their every move. Do you know why that is?”