I tilted my head to the side and focused on his eyes. “Dad, did you purposely borrow and lose that much money?” In my mind, I went back to the conversation where Ginelle suggested he’d tried suicide by way of overextending his line of credit with a psychotic loan shark.
He shook his head. “Not e-exactly. Maybe. I d-don’t know. I w-was so t-tired. Done with w-wondering w-why she left. Done with b-being a d-drunk. Done with b-being the w-worst thing for you g-girls. Just d-done. So I didn’t care that I owed Blaine all that m-money and n-no w-way to pay it b-back. I knew he’d take care of me, and that w-would be that. I-Insurance w-would cover you.” He closed his eyes and took a slow breath. “M-More than I c-could give you a-alive.”
I choked back a sob, stood, and backed against the wall. “You mean, you wanted to die?”
He looked at me, and the truth was written clear as day in his dark gaze. “I didn’t w-want to l-live the w-way I had been lliving a-anymore.” It was as much of an admission of guilt as I was apparently going to get.
“Jesus, Pops. I can’t even…” I sucked in a huge breath, bent forward, and calmed my rattled nerves with slow, even breaths. “You have no idea what I’ve given up for you all these months to pay your debts!”
His eyebrows rose in surprise. “What? The debt is p-paid?”
I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the wall. “Blaine and his goons were going to kill you and then come after Maddy and me about what they called 'survivors‘ debt.’ You didn’t think he’d let you get off with being killed without some way of getting his money, did you?”
Pops eyes widened on his sunken in face making them look darker, more hollow. “No.” He shook his head. “They never said t-that. I…I just…”
“You what?” I roared. “Figured you’d offer up yourself and all would be forgiven?”
His gaze shot to where I’d started pacing. “Yes, exactly.”
“Unbelievable.” I shook all over and tugged at my hair, desperately trying to relieve the tension. I wanted to scream out like a banshee. “I went to work for Millie as an escort to pay off your debt!” The words were scathing and dipped in poison.
All the blood seemed to leave my father’s face, making him ghostly pale. “You w-whored yourself out f-for m-me?” A tear slipped down his cheek, and his entire body seemed to crumble inward as sobs overtook him. “God, no. No. Not my g-girl.” He cried into his hands.
I ran over to him. “Pops, it wasn’t like that. I didn’t have to sleep with them. I just had to be what they needed for a month. Made a hundred thousand a month and paid Blaine in installments. I should have told him about what happened with Blaine in September and how Max saved the day, but I didn’t think he could handle the full truth.
My father’s body trembled as I held him. “I’m so s-sorry. God, I’m s-sorry for s-so much. I’ll never be able to make it up to y-you and y-your sister. Never.”
I slid my hand up and down his back. He was so thin I could feel each bump in his spine. “You can start by being alive. Being our dad again. Staying sober,” I added, hoping he wouldn’t fly off the handle the way he usually did when I mentioned his sobriety.
He held me for a long time, whispering apologies into my hair, telling me how proud of me he was, how much he loved me. In the end, that’s really all I ever wanted from my dad. His love, acceptance, and pride. I realized, in that moment, I did have all that. Yes, he’d screwed up big time when we were children, but we both had a lot of life left in us, and I for one wanted to spend that time making new memories, living life to the fullest.
My cell phone blared in my back pocket. I let it ring and continued holding my dad. It didn’t stop. The second the message would pick up, the phone would start ringing again. Someone was definitely trying to get hold of me.
“Sorry, Pops.” I pulled back, got off the bed, and pulled out my phone. The display said Maximus Calling.
I smiled and put the phone to my ear. “Hello, brother of mine,” I said flippantly.
“You were supposed to call me today.” He sounded like a big, growly bear.
“Don’t you have your wife and my niece and nephew to go all alpha cowboy family on?” I laughed and looked at my dad. His face was contorted into a shocked expression.
“How many times do I need to tell you I take care of what’s mine?”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. I’m fine. You can relax. Go back to little Jack, and kiss Isabel for me.”
“You okay?”
Once again, I glanced at my father. “Better than okay. My dad is on the path to healing, I’m marrying the man of my dreams, and life is amazing.”
Max chuckled into my ear. “All right, sugar. You take care of yourself, and I’ll call you in a day or two.” A day or two for Max meant he’d call me first thing tomorrow morning. Internally, I giggled, loving that I had a brother at all, one who was crazy protective and ridiculously overbearing with his adult sisters. “Love you, Sis.”
“Love you too, Max.”
I clicked off the phone and turned around.