Oh God, there it was—the fluttering in my stomach that led to alarm bells blaring in my head. Don’t believe a word he says. Don’t let him in. The terrifying part was that there was a tiny sliver of me that wanted to, that missed him, and that part was steadily growing louder. At this rate she’d be screaming before we ever got on the plane.
I held his gaze as long as I could before I retreated, shuffling my papers, to take out my paper proposal. We were presenting orally today, and if Dr. Messina accepted, I’d have to type this sucker up all pretty and submit it on eCampus tonight.
“Hey, Rachel,” Hugo said as he sat down next to me. Thank God he was my partner and not Landon. Hugo was easy, fun to hang out with, and didn’t come with ten tons of my emotional baggage.
“How’s it going?” I asked him.
“Can’t complain. Happy with your proposal? That rough draft looked pretty tight yesterday.”
“It’s good, I think. I’m hoping she’ll go for the Korean adoption angle.”
“Are you digging up your roots?” Landon interjected. “I thought you gave that up years ago.”
Sometimes I hated that he remembered so much about the time we’d been together. “I did when my mom asked me to let it go. She’s always been touchy about it, like I’d say she wasn’t my mom and run the other direction. But she’s not here, and I’ve always been curious. Seemed like a good time.”
Look at me, being all civil and open.
“Just curious?” he asked.
I shrugged. My need to explore my beginning wasn’t something he needed to understand.
“I’ll help you,” he offered. “I know I’m not your partner, but I also know what it means to you, so if you need help…”
I swallowed, my throat suddenly thick at the open, pleading look in his eyes. There was no flirtation or suggestion, no hint of Nova looking back at me, just my Landon.
And that was far more dangerous than being pursued by Nova. The warning bells in my head were full-blown wailing now.
“Yeah, I’ll let you know,” I said.
“Same goes here,” Hugo offered, and my head swung in his direction. “Maybe we could talk about it over lunch tomorrow?”
I felt Landon’s stare burning holes in my back. I liked Hugo. He was nice, kind, quick with a smile or a joke. He’s just what I would have gone for last year.
But as much as I hated myself, I had to be honest, up front, and not lead him on. “That would be great. It would be nice to have a friend to talk it over with.”
His smile fell slightly, but he nodded as he absorbed how I’d just labeled our relationship. “Sounds good.”
I didn’t turn back to Landon as our professor started the lecture. I didn’t want to see his face or that cocky smile. I didn’t want him to gloat over my realization or to find a way to use it against me.
As much as it would have been fun to start up a relationship on the cruise and make memories with someone, to flex the walls of my heart and see if they’d budge, I also knew the truth: Hugo wasn’t Landon.
And sitting between them, that made all the difference.
Chapter Eleven
Rachel
The Taj Mahal
It amazed me, the difference three days made in my life. Seventy-two hours ago, I’d been on board, barely agreeing to come on this insane trip. Then I’d given up the school-sponsored excursion to Delhi and thrown in my luggage with the Renegades.
Never thought I’d see the Renegades touring the Taj Mahal, but in all honesty, I never thought I’d see the day where Paxton Wilder was willing to take a six-hundred-mile detour from his planned adventure in order to appease a woman. Add in the fact that said woman was my best friend, and it was even more bizarre. But I was thankful, not just for the chartered plane and the opportunity to experience this, but for the way he treated Leah. Maybe he really had changed.
Maybe it was possible for a Renegade to truly love someone more than the sport.
Not Landon, though. He’d chosen the Renegades over love, or at least my love, which I was reminded of nearly every time I saw him. At least he’d kept his distance. We’re less than a day into this trip, so I probably shouldn’t get my hopes up.
“I can be monogamous,” Landon said from above me as I crouched down to get a better picture of the Taj Mahal.
So much for keeping his distance.
“Are you still hung up on that?” I asked, adjusting the focus of my lens to get a better angle. Had the guy been reading my mind?
“You seriously think I can’t be?”
I sighed, blowing a lone strand of black hair from my face as I stood. I’d tied it up, most of the purple highlights hidden in the updo. “It’s been three days since I said that. Isn’t there anything else on your mind? Like, oh, I don’t know, the giant monument in front of you?”
“I can’t believe you don’t think I can be a one-woman guy.”
I gave up on avoiding the question. The guy was freaking determined. “I think you don’t want to be. Maybe you can. Maybe it really doesn’t matter to me.”
I stood and sent a longing look in Leah’s direction where she walked hand in hand with Wilder. Stopping to grab pictures hadn’t been my best idea, but being the third wheel in that lovefest was uncomfortable as hell. But at least the camera crews were following the lovebirds and leaving me the hell alone for the moment.
“It should matter,” he said.
“To me?” I craned my neck to look up at him and took a step back so we weren’t so close.
“Well, yeah.” He tucked his thumbs in his pockets.
“I can think of about a hundred things off the top of my head that matter more to me than the frequency of women through that revolving door you call a bed.” Okay, maybe that was a lie. But just a little one.
“Well, that’s a shame, because there’s nothing I can think of that matters more to me than who sleeps in your bed.”
Well, shit, I was speechless. Luckily, I recovered quickly.
“Does this matter right now? Because we are standing in front of one of the most beautiful tributes to love in the world, and I’d honestly like to enjoy it without arguing with you.”
“I never said I wanted to argue,” he, ironically, argued as we walked the path toward the giant marble mausoleum. The afternoon sun softened the white glow of the structure, giving it an ethereal glow.
“Yet here you are, arguing with me.” Could he be any more frustrating?
He grinned like he’d followed my exact train of thought.
“What?” I snapped.
“Just enjoying our progress.” He shrugged, his eyes dancing.
“Progress?”
“A week ago you weren’t speaking to me. Now I’ve gotten you to go away with me and we’re bickering like we used to. Progress.”
“I did not go away with you!”
“Well, by definition, we are away, and you are standing with me.”
“Oh my God, I’m not talking about this anymore.”
“Fine. Change of subject. How is it you can find a grave to be a monument to love?”
Every step we took brought us closer to the structure, the details appearing and consuming my vision. “Just look at it,” I said as we paused outside the entrance. “Look at the beauty, the symmetry of the inscriptions, the hue of the marble. It’s perfect. He loved his wife so much that he built her a monument to be unrivaled.”