Right now, nothing existed besides the rig and my own ability. I controlled it, careful to watch those around me, and when the signal came, we all pulled the synchronized turns. I checked my distance from the other Renegades, knowing there weren’t even inches to spare before we’d collide. From the ground it would look like we were one line of hang gliders maneuvering on a single string as we executed the turns, the dips, and pitch backs. My stomach lurched with every dip, then soared when I pulled up at the last possible second. Once those were complete, we all cheered. That was going to look badass on camera.
Then we were all free. I dipped and turned, laughing with the wind, the way my stomach plummeted only to come back to me when I came out of a dive. There was nothing to distract me. Nothing that labeled me broken or damaged. In those precious moments, there were no parents telling me I was a chronic disappointment, no Landon, no heartbreak, no feeling like I was never good enough for him to choose me.
But the problem with landing was that I knew as soon as I touched down, it would all be there waiting for me.
Especially Landon.
Chapter Nine
Landon
Sri Lanka
I turned my baseball hat backward and closed our suite’s door behind me as I left. An extra hour of working on my paper for Civ meant I’d missed the bus to Nuwara Eliya, but I’d already made arrangements, so I wasn’t stressed.
I walked down the hall and knocked on Penna and Rachel’s door. Rachel opened the door, her cheeks flushed, a slight panic in her eyes. “What are you doing here?” she asked.
“I could ask you the same thing,” I replied, my heart jumping at the sight of her. Hopefully I’d start getting used to seeing her again, but so far it had hit me like a lightning bolt every time.
She rolled her eyes and pivoted, giving me a fantastic view of her ass in tiny board shorts. The neck of her bikini top was knotted just above the tank top she wore. All it would take was one little tug and the fabric would slide so easily—
“Talk some sense into her before we’re late!” Rachel yelled back.
Right. I wasn’t here to ogle my ex. I walked down the hall to see Penna on the couch, her leg elevated and a book in her lap. “Let’s go, Rebel.” I threw her stage name at her, hoping it would spark some of the fire she kept banked lately.
“And do what?” she asked. “They changed out the cast into what? Another non-weight-bearing one. What the hell am I supposed to do while you guys are in the jungle doing giant slip-and-slides?”
“Just be with the team?” I suggested. The glare she shot me suggested that I might need to duck if I opened my mouth again.
“You’re so right. It’s always been in my nature to tag along and watch.”
I got down to her level, staring at her until she looked me in the eyes. The normal sparkle in her baby blues had dulled to a defeated matte. “Penna,” I whispered. “You have to stop blaming yourself for what happened.”
“I can’t.” The straightforward way she said it sent a lump into my throat.
“I’m not going to be the jackass who tells you to get over it, or that I understand, because I don’t. I’ve never been through what you’re enduring. But I know what it is to nearly take this team down, and you did nothing wrong.”
She curved her shoulders, hunching in on herself. “I just don’t feel like me.”
I took her hand and brushed my thumb over her knuckles. “Well, the thing is that we don’t feel like us without you. Take all the time you need, but know that we’re here. We’re going to be here, knocking on your door, asking you to come with us, leaving your seat vacant.”
“Landon…” Her eyes squeezed shut.
“We’re going to beg, bribe, and everything short of bully you into getting back out there with us. And that seat will stay vacant, Penna. No one can replace you. But if you’re telling me that you’re not ready, that you still need to work some shit out, then I’ll respect it.”
She lifted my hand to her forehead and took a stuttered breath. “Thank you. I’m so sorry.”
I leaned forward, kissing her on the temple. “I love you, Pen. We all do. No matter what.”
“I love you, too,” she said with a sad smile. “Now get out of here before you miss the whole thing.”
My stomach sank, knowing that she was saying no. I’d never seen her so down, so unreachable. Brooke had destroyed more than Penna’s leg when she’d sabotaged us, and I had no clue what it was going to take to bring her back.
Rachel’s eyes were soft as she leaned against the wall in the hallway, watching me. For that second, her guard was down and I simply saw her, not the walls she’d hidden behind since I discovered her on board.
She blinked rapidly and cleared her throat. “Yeah, so we should go.”
I nodded. “Yeah. Penna, you sure you’ll be all right?”
She waved us off, her mask firmly in place. “Absolutely. Take pictures.”
I headed for the door, Rachel following. We were silent as we made it to the thankfully empty elevator. The last thing I needed was any more of the girls I’d slept with on this boat getting near us. Oh, yeah, I was reaping what I’d sown, and it tasted rather bitter every time Rachel lifted an eyebrow at me in that knowing way she had.
“You really do love her,” she said softly as I hit the fourth deck so we could disembark.
“Of course I do. She’s the closest thing I have to a sister.”
She adjusted her backpack, the black straps thick above her swimsuit’s halter neckline. “It’s just nice to know that you are still the same in some ways.”
The numbers lit as we passed through a few floors, and I tried to gather my thoughts. To say something that would give me half a chance of Rachel being real with me at least for the next few hours. “I’m the same in almost every way that matters.”
“And those that don’t?” she asked as the elevator dinged.
“Some better, some worse, all the aftereffects of what happened with us.”
She stiffened, but her eyes didn’t. “I get that,” she said as she walked out in front of me.
We made our way quietly through the disembarkation area, empty since everyone with access to the VIP exit was already gone. Once our IDs were scanned, we headed down the ramp off the Athena.
Rachel’s shoulders slumped as we looked over the port of Colombo. “We missed the bus.” She turned, bumping into me.
My hands steadied her bare shoulders. Shit, her skin was just as soft as I’d remembered. I immediately lifted my hands, knowing our small truce would be over if I touched her when she clearly didn’t want me to.
She stepped backward, making my point.
“Yeah, we’re about an hour and”—I checked my watch—“twelve minutes late. Don’t worry, I had Little John get me a car.” A quick search of my pockets and I dangled the keys in front of her.
“You knew?” she asked, her eyes narrowing.
“Knew that I’d miss the bus? Yeah, I had a paper due for Civ. You missing the bus is just an added bonus. Want a lift to the slides?”
She chewed on her lower lip while the gears in her brain turned. The impulsive Rachel I’d loved didn’t appear much around me. This one thought through every decision she made if I was involved. “It’s a two-hour drive.”
“A little over, actually.”
She groaned, rolling her neck.
“Hey, no pressure. I’m just a guy asking a girl if she needs a ride.”
She arched an eyebrow. “You ask a lot of girls that.”