I ring the doorbell.
It’s strange but I’m here hoping to learn I’m wrong, and I hate being wrong, except this time I’d give anything to be. If I’m not, well… I don’t have a Plan B.
The door opens. Sarah says, “Parker? Did you walk here?”
“Do I talk too much?”
“What?”
“I dunno. We talk about me more than you… I thought it was because I had more… drama… but maybe I don’t. Maybe I just… don’t listen enough.”
“That’s not true,” Sarah says. “You always listen when I need to talk.”
“But?”
“But nothing. I just… don’t need to talk about things as much, maybe.”
“I don’t tell you everything because I need to,” I say, feeling prickly. “I thought we were friends, not that I was one of your patients.” I try to use my bitter voice—it comes out sounding pathetic instead.
“Hey, Parker, no. No. Is that what’s going on? Jesus…” She leans in and her voice deepens and gets hoarse, something I rarely hear. “Don’t you ever think anything like that! Get in here!”
She jostles me and uses the contact to take my arm and pull me inside and close the door and now she’s hugging me and whispering loudly in my ear. “I love you, Parker. You’re my sister. No, better than that; real sisters you’re stuck with—we’re sisters because we want to be.”
I don’t know what to say or even think. She doesn’t loosen her grip.
“You hear me? I love you more than family. We’ve known each other so long I can’t even remember when we met. If we don’t get prom dates, we’re going together. We’re going to each other’s weddings. We’re babysitting each other’s kids. We’re going to get drunk and complain about our husbands. When we get divorces we’re moving in with each other to get back on our feet and find better guys. We’re driving each other to the hospital for chemo when we’re seventy. Right? Right?”
“Right,” I whisper.
“It’s just, you’ve been through so much, I feel stupid complaining about… anything.”
“Sarah, no!” My voice squeaks and I pull back to talk to her face. “If I can talk to Marissa about Owen I sure as hell can talk about your problems with Rick, even if it’s just that it’s boring, or… or… or how you feel about other stuff, like… like your dad leaving—”
“Fuck him. He left. Your dad loved you and he died! Why talk about my asshole dad?”
“Because he’s your dad! We can talk about losing a bad dad and losing a good one but it’s not a contest! You know how I feel because I tell you. And I… I have guesses but I don’t really know what you think about your dad. I want to know everything, like why you’ve been with Rick so long when he just seemed like a check mark in the Boyfriend Box, and why now you’ve suddenly erased it. It… it kills me to think… God, not telling me stuff doesn’t make me feel special, it makes me feel like I don’t matter to you!”
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “You matter more than anything. I’m really really sorry—”
“Stop being sorry and just tell me. What happened with Rick really?”
More silence.
“I can’t, Parker. I…”
“Did he do something to you—”
“No, no, nothing like that…”
“Sarah, I’ve been walking around in a funk for two days thinking there’s important stuff you’re not telling me… and there is! We’re never going to get through it if you don’t tell me. I… I… I won’t go to prom with you if you don’t!”
The joke works and she snorts, not quite a laugh, but her voice is serious when she says “Let’s sit down.”
She leads me to the couch and we sit. She doesn’t speak right away. I slide my hand out on the cushion. She takes it loosely. Her hand is clammy and shaking a little.
“You’re scaring me now,” I say with no joking in my voice. “Is something really wrong? Did something happen?”
“No, I just… I don’t want you to shut me out again.”
“I won’t, I promise. Why’d you break up with Rick?”
“I told you. We were just… blah. Habit.”
“Then what’s all this about?”
“It’s… it’s Scott.”
What??
I try my only guess, a bad one. “What… I mean… do you like him?”
“No.”
“Then… oh… wait… wait… Is he looking at you now?”
“No, Parker,” Sarah says. “He’s looking at you.”
“Well… okay… but I don’t see how…”
“With him away at Jefferson these past two years, I kind of forgot what it looked like. Now I see him looking at you again… Rick’s never looked at me like that.”
I don’t know what to say.