“Just because I didn’t know they were there doesn’t make it okay. I told them where to find us without telling you and that’s what matters. I hope you never forgive me.”
I play it again: “I hope you never forgive me.”
Is that a typo? No, even autocorrect wouldn’t change can into never.
Am I supposed to feel sorry for him? No… it’d make things easier to believe that, but I can’t. Despite what happened, he never lied or tried to manipulate me. He’s not fishing for anything. I think he really doesn’t want me to forgive him— Bzzz.
“I haven’t.”
It takes a moment to work out that he means he hasn’t stopped trying to make it better.
You stopped after you came to my house that last time.
“I just stopped trying to make excuses.”
What did my dad say?
“He told me I fucked up. And he was right. He said I wasn’t welcome at your house anymore and to leave you alone or I’d just make things worse. So I did. I’ve been trying to give you as much space as I can but they wouldn’t switch me to a different Trig. I’m trying to keep things normal and not weird for you.”
You don’t want me to forgive you? Or was that a typo?
“Don’t forgive anyone who breaks your trust. Rule Number Infinity. Some things are unforgivable.”
Unforgivable.
I…
“You’re breathing funny again,” Petey says.
Quack.
I fumble with my phone to play Sarah’s text and Southern Matron speaks for her.
“Rick and I broke up last night.”
I leave Petey to his cartoons and run up to my room and call Sarah. She answers on the first ring.
“What happened? You okay?”
“I’m fine,” she says, and she does sound fine.
“How’d it happen?”
“I called him and told him we should end it, though there wasn’t much of it to end.”
“You broke up on the phone?”
“Yeah, I know. We’ve been saying that’s cowardly but when it came to me doing it, I realized if someone breaks up with you, do you really want to be stuck with them in a café or someone’s house? Better to give them the option to hang up and be out as quickly as they want. And that’s what happened. He wanted to get off the phone pretty fast.”
“What’d you say was the reason? What was the reason?”
“We were just together out of habit. He tried to argue, but… he’ll be relieved later if he isn’t already. Deep down I think he knows I’m right.”
“Wow,” I say. “I had no idea.”
“You had some idea. You’ve been calling him my Sort Of Boyfriend.”
“Just by Hollywood standards. Compared to movies you guys were pretty lukewarm but movies aren’t real. I thought you guys were just… more real, I guess. Nothing had changed in a while, at least as far as I knew.”
Silence.
“You sure you’re fine?” It seems like there’s something she’s not telling me.
“Yeah. How was your date with Jason?”
“What? It was… it was okay. We can talk about that later. You’ve been together with Rick for almost two years—aren’t we going to talk about it for more than thirty seconds? I mean, why last night?”
“It was just a long time coming and it finally did.”
“But you never said anything.”
“It’s not like we fought or did anything worth talking about. Things have just been blah. Then running around the mall all day, it reminded me there are plenty of guys out there, you know, so I thought it was time to try something else.”
“Those guys weren’t after us.”
“I know, but you were out on a date with a guy you just met, and other stuff.”
“What other stuff?”
“You know, just… stuff.”
“I don’t know. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“We don’t talk about Rick much.”
“Because you don’t. How you’re feeling about Rick isn’t something I would just bring up without anything happening. I tell you everything… I just figured you… told me everything, too.”
Silence.
“There’s nothing to tell. It’s really not a big deal.”
“But…” I can’t tell if her breakup is a big deal and she’s trying to be cool about it or if it’s really not a big deal for her but is for me. Not that she did it but that it happened without her even giving me a clue.