The phone is silent except for the sound of him breathing.
"I know you're still pissed at her for leaving," I say, "but that was twenty-five years ago. And I don't know why you're punishing me for what she did."
He lets out a heavy sigh. "I'm not punishing you. I admit I still hold some resentment toward your mother for what she did, but that has nothing to do with you. I would never punish you for her actions."
"Then why do you keep trying to talk me out of doing this?"
"I think the better question is...why are you doing it? You're spending your inheritance fixing up a place that should be torn down. And if you sold that land, you'd make a fortune."
It's all true, and yet I still have to do it. I need to.
"Nash." His voice softens. "Doing this won't bring your mother back."
"That's not why I'm doing it," I mutter.
"Donna wouldn't even speak to her father. They'd been estranged for years."
"They could've reconciled after she left us."
"So you admit that's why you're doing this."
"No! If I wanted to find Mom, there are a hell of a lot easier ways than renovating this damn house."
"And yet you've tried those other ways and haven't found her."
"What are you talking about?"
"Jake said he saw the searches on your laptop."
"That little shit. What the fuck's he doing spying on me like that?"
"He didn't mean to. He just noticed it when he was using your computer. He said he needed a phone number for a contractor and you told him to use your laptop."
That was last year. I totally forgot about that. I left all these windows open on my laptop and he must've clicked on them and seen the searches for her name.
"He should've kept that to himself. It's none of his damn business."
"Jake was worried about you."
"I did an internet search. What the fuck's there to be worried about?"
"He's worried about what will happen if you find her. I'm worried about that too."
"Well, stop worrying because I'm not trying to find her. And she's not the reason I'm fixing the house."
"Then what's the reason?"
"I like the location. I want a place I can go to get away from the city. A place that's quiet and peaceful."
"If you want peace and quiet you can go to our cabin in Wisconsin."
"That's yours, not mine. I want my own place." I take a breath. "I'm done arguing with you about this. I'm a grown man and this is my decision to make. When the house is done, I'll move back to Chicago, but until then, I need you to leave this alone. I don't want to fight with you, Dad."
"I don't want to fight with you either." He pauses. "Fine. Do what you need to do. But Nash, if you come across photos of her, or other reminders of her in that house, let them stay in the past. Don't go trying to find her. She left us for a reason. She didn't want that life. She didn't want to be tied down."
His words tear at my chest. No mother would just leave her infant and run off like that. She wouldn't do that. He has no idea why she left. She didn't leave a note, so how does he know?
"Dad, I need to go."
"Call me next week. Let me know how things are going."
"I will."
"Love you, son."
"Love you too."
I didn't use to say that to him, but I have ever since my stepmom died. Her death was sudden, and completely unexpected, and made me realize that my dad could be gone just as quickly. So now, even though he knows I love him, I still tell him, even when he angers the shit out of me, like he did just now.
He doesn't want me doing this. Restoring this house. But his assumptions are wrong. I'm not trying to find my mom. I'm just trying to connect with that side of myself. My mom's side. And this run-down, piece of shit house? It's the closest connection I'll ever have to her.
Chapter Nine
Callie
Nash just walked in and now I feel like an idiot. I practically forced him to have lunch with me. I have absolutely no idea why. I spent all those hours with him last night, so why did I feel the need to see him again at lunch?
He told me he was busy, and I know he's busy, so what was I doing going over to his house and bothering him?
This needs to end. We'll have lunch, then when I get home I'll ignore him and return to my regular schedule. My regular life. The one I had before Nash rolled into town and messed everything up.
"Callie, your date's here," Lou says casually as he walks by me in the kitchen.
"He's not my date. He's my neighbor."
"Who came here to have lunch with you."
"Yeah? So? It's just lunch. He doesn't have a fridge so he has to eat out."
"At the place where you work. At the exact same time as your lunch break."
"I think you've been watching too many soap operas, Lou. Or reading too many romance books."
"I don't need a book to tell me you two have chemistry."
"Chemistry? The guy drives me crazy! He's obstinate. Overly persistent. Never listens. And he's always blasting his country music."
"Aside from the country music, sounds like you two have a lot in common."