The first she thing she wanted to do when she saw Lydia the next morning in the cafeteria was confess. But that was the whole problem: it felt like confessing, rather than just plain old telling. As if she had committed a terrible crime, and once it was out her beautiful, bright, funny, awesome friend would have to demote her to casual acquaintance or even mortal enemy. At the very least, Lydia was going to find her insufferably stupid. There was nothing clever about letting your high school bully come in your mouth.
Or rub you between your legs.
Or make you feel so good you still had an echo of that pleasure thrumming through your body the next day. She took her seat at the cafeteria table and got a sudden flash of it all behind her eyes. The way he had looked when he came; the feel of him all slick and hard in her mouth. And though her first response was to squeeze her eyes shut and wince, her second was more like a sort of melting.
It was intolerable. Her body was actively defying her good sense.
And there was just no way of explaining that to Lydia. Lydia made wise choices when it came to men. In fact, the first thing she said once they were settled was about Brad Gunderson. Tall, kind, clever Brad Gunderson, who got his picture in the college newspaper after organizing a soup kitchen for the homeless.
“He did a twenty-mile run to raise money for cancer awareness you know,” Lydia said.
And all Letty could do was nod weakly in reply.
Then let Lydia take the lead in what was surely going to be a conversation from hell.
“The real question I have to ask myself though is: is he hot?”
Not as hot as Tate Sullivan.
“He does wear those awesome V-necked sweaters.”
“You mean the ones that show off his pecs.”
“The very same. And you can always see his chest hair.”
“I love that it’s a different color from his head hair. Kind of makes me think of Vikings.”
“That makes no sense at all and yet completely makes sense to me on every level.”
Lydia grinned, those black eyes full of mischief.
“Think I should let him plunder my village?”
“And by village you mean vagina, right?”
“You know me so well.”
And you don’t know me at all. No one knows me. Not even my brain, who should have known me enough to stop all of that before it even started.
“You should go for it.”
“I don’t know.” Lydia sighed, stirring her bowl of oatmeal. “Sometimes I think…”
“You think what?”
“That maybe there should be something more there. That there’s supposed to be that electric spark, you know? That thing that makes you go crazy for someone. Lose your mind and get all horny just at the idea of him. Every second you’re alone with him all you can think about is…”
“Jumping his bones. Fucking his brains out. Fucking your brains out.”
“Exactly. Exactly.”
“Maybe you don’t even know why.”
“Mmmm yes, perfect.”
“It just comes over you in a big wave that you can’t stop or get away from, and then next thing you know you’re doing insane things that you honestly never thought you could.”
After she’d said it she realized Lydia wasn’t stirring her oatmeal anymore. She wasn’t looking down at her bowl. She was staring right at her with this piercing sheen to those inky eyes, in a way Letty had come to know well. Usually it thrilled her, to know someone was so interested.
Now she felt her stomach drop.
“Do you have something you want to share, Juliet?”
“What? No. No.”
She tried to sound casual and calm.
But hearing her given name was enough to send her into a tailspin.
“Are you sure? I’m detecting a hint of bullshit. It has a faintly man-shaped aroma.”
“I’ve told you before—I’m an extremely boring person. I might be able to imagine thrilling shit like wanting to maul a guy the minute you’re with him, but it’s never likely to happen to me. And if it ever did happen…if by some miracle…”
“Yes?”
“It would probably…just be a mistake. An accident, almost. Brought on by…exterior influences.”
Lydia raised one eyebrow, but Letty felt better after that. Like she’d cracked the code. She could escape friend jail. She was still smart and good. It was just the movie that had done it, and the weird pool situation, and her hot, claustrophobic little dorm room. Anyone would have done the same given those circumstances; she was completely certain of it. Next time she saw him, everything would be back to normal.
And it kind of was.