Never Let You Go



The mall is going to be chaos, with everyone doing their last-minute shopping before Christmas tomorrow, but I still need a couple of things for Sophie. Last night she texted that she was staying at Delaney’s because the roads were bad. I’m glad she’s making good choices. I get up early and remove the snow and ice from my windshield while I wait for the car to warm up. My scraper bumps over something on my windshield. With my hand, I brush away the final bits of snow. A wrapped box is tied to my wiper. Greg must have left me a surprise. Smiling, I pull off my gloves, carefully untie the red ribbon, and open the box. It’s a CD. I flip it over and look at the label on the back and suck in my breath when I recognize the songs. These are all from my wedding. One of them we used for our first dance. “Islands in the Stream,” by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers.

I spin around, scanning the trees, the driveway. “Where are you, you bastard?” My voice sounds jarring to my ears. Angus is barking in the house. “Where the fuck are you?”

I stand still, daring him to come out, but nothing moves. The forest is quiet. Angus would have barked if a car pulled up last night. Andrew must have parked on the main road and crept in, so slowly we didn’t hear his steps. I look for tracks, but there was too much snow during the night. I get in my car, tug off my gloves with my teeth, and call Corporal Parker.

“It’s Lindsey. Andrew was at my house. He left me a CD. It was stuck to my car window!” My breath is cloud puffs and my whole body is shivering. I turn the heat up higher. I look around, expecting Andrew to lunge at my car and drive his fist through the window.

“Did he threaten you?”

“I never saw him, but the CD is full of love songs that he used to play for me.”

“Do you recognize the handwriting?”

“The titles are typed out. He must have used a computer.”

“Okay, put it in a plastic bag with the box and bring everything into the station.”

I close my eyes, take a shuddering breath. “I hate this. I really hate this.”

“I know.” Her voice is kind, with a measured calm. I imagine that she must be good in a crisis. “I’ll take a walk around your place and make sure everything is okay.”

“Thanks.” The ice is melting off my window in a circle. I can see the forest, my house. “I told you the peace bond won’t work. He’s never going to leave me alone.”

“If he’s left prints on the case, we can arrest him.”

“He’s not stupid. He knows exactly how far he can go.”

“I still have his cell number from the last time. I’ll give him a call and make it clear he needs to leave you alone.” She sounds confident, even a little angry, which makes me feel better. “He needs a reminder of what will happen to him if he violates any conditions of the bond.”

“He’s not scared. That’s the problem. He thinks he’s invincible.”

“Well, he’s walking a very thin line—and he’s going to find that out soon.”

“Don’t you get sick of it? This whole system is controlled by men. Why should we have to follow the law when people like Andrew get to do whatever they want?”

“Trust me, there are plenty of times when I wish I could take things into my own hands. I know what you’re going through.” She pauses, and I wonder if she’s about to reveal something personal, but then she says, “I just have to believe I’m making a difference.”

I let out my breath in a sigh. This isn’t her fault. She’s trying to help.

“I’m tired of talking about it,” I say.

“What does that mean?” I hear the concern in her voice and realize how it sounded.

“It means I have to get to work. Thanks for listening.” I end the call.



My brother and Maddie come for dinner and we gorge on turkey with all the fixings and polish off an entire pumpkin pie. Then we play some board games and a few rounds of cards, until Sophie and Maddie stumble off to bed, complaining of a turkey hangover. Chris and I stay up to talk by the fire like when we were kids. I tell him about the CD.

“This is getting out of hand.” He’s gripping his beer like he might throw it at something. “I should have put a bullet in his head when you first told me he hurt you.”

“Jesus. Don’t talk like that.”

Chris looks down at his bottle. “Sorry.” But something about the way he says it doesn’t sound all that sorry. I know my brother, know that sometimes loyalty blinds reason.

“Hey, you won’t do anything stupid, right? You’re going to have your own baby.” I give his arm a shake. “You need to be around for her.”

He meets me eyes. “I know. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise?” I hold my hand out and wiggle my pinkie finger.

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