Jesus, I'd been an idiot.
“That's all 'til I decide what the fuck to do with you, yeah. I'll sleep on it. You rest. You're safe here, you listen to me, and that'll do dandy.”
He walked out, closing the door behind him, leaving me alone for the millionth time.
I buried my face in my hands and broke down, surrounded by his scent.
*
“Wake the fuck up, sunshine,” a dark voice said, edging me from my dreams.
I turned, reaching one arm out for Alex, and felt – nothing.
I bolted up, heart pounding, and saw him in Joker's arms, the little boy giggling while he reached for his father's face.
It was still dark outside. “Shit. What time is it?”
“Early enough. We've got business at the clubhouse, babe, and you're coming with.”
“Be careful with him,” I said, feeling like a total bitch because Alex looked happier than he'd been for awhile in daddy's arms. “Let me get dressed.”
He left the room, still playfully bouncing the boy in his arms. They were naturals together.
Of course they were. Why did that feel like an arrow through the chest?
Maybe because there'd never be one big, happy family. I was only fooling myself.
There was only Joker and Alex. Alex and me.
Two pairs. Never a whole.
I got dressed as quickly as I could. When I stepped out, Joker sat on the sofa with Alex on his lap, a bowl of pipping hot oatmeal at his side.
“Buckle up, little man. Here comes the Harley on its run...” His hand slowly moved the spoon toward Alex's mouth, stopping as my son laughed.
It would've been heartwarming, honestly, if I wasn't still so pissed. “You need to be careful with that! Make sure it isn't too hot.”
Joker looked up, his eyes on fire. “Ain't a fuckin' fool, Summertime. It's plenty warm. Not scalding. Tested it myself. Anyway, there's more in the kitchen if you need it.”
My stomach growled, forcing me to swallow my pride and take what he'd left out. I grabbed it and sat down next to them, spooning a bite into my mouth.
Anything would've tasted good. This was almost heavenly, with just the right honey sweetness, a hint of apple, and some cinnamon mixed in.
“Is this instant?” I said, eyeing him carefully as he moved another bite to Alex's small mouth.
“Come the fuck on.” He snorted. “I'm man enough to wake up and do my cooking. Same recipe Grandpa used to feed us when we were kids. Only fair my son has the same breakfasts I did.”
My son. It sounded so heavy on his lips, so full of pride.
I softened, giving him his moment with Alex. Whatever.
There'd be plenty of time to seethe at him for using me as a doormat later, but for the next ten minutes, I was almost at peace, watching him handle our baby boy like he'd been doing it from day one.
“Okay, kid,” he whispered softly, pulling a napkin off the table and blotting at the little boy's mouth. “Time to go. Keep eating like that and you'll be able to knock men out twice my size someday.”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, sure. Like I really want him becoming one of your brothers.”
Joker's head twisted, aiming the second hate-fuck in twenty four hours at me with his eyes. “You're in no position to judge shit, Summer. You don't know a damned thing. Growing big and strong can turn this boy into a billionaire or a fuckin' quarterback. You're acting like everything I say has the club's stamp all over it. Ain't true.”
“How do I know it doesn't?”
His jaw clenched, but he didn't say anything. I put my hands out, ready to take Alex again. Reluctantly, he passed him over to me, and I hugged him tight.
“Just need to change his diaper, and then we'll be ready to go,” I said, finishing the last of my oatmeal with one hand.
“Damned straight. You leave it to me next time, I'll cover you before we go.”
“Really?” I said, standing up and wrinkling my nose in disbelief. “I can't believe you're so serious about this. I thought you'd leave the diapers and baths to me.”
Joker bolted up, rooted himself to the floor, even though I knew he would've been up in my face if I wasn't holding the toddler. “He's mine, Summer. My son. My own fuckin' flesh and blood. 'Course I want to learn everything, make up for all the time I've lost thanks to you. When we get to the club, you're gonna sit down, let the kid play with my dog, and keep your fuckin' mouth shut. I'm giving you one more pass on your bullshit assumptions today – but it's the last one you get. I'm warming up the truck.”
I stood there with my jaw hanging as he walked past, grabbed his keys off the counter, and then popped the door, letting it fall shut behind him with a thud.
I hated being put in my place by this screwed up, cocky, bloodthirsty dick.
I hated it even more that he blamed me for everything.
Mostly, I just hated him for being right, and so point-blank about it that my inner bitch was screaming.