“Go the fuck home, Summer. There's nothing here for you. The shit we had three summers ago – it's as dead as my poor fuckin' brother. So's the man you knew. Last warning you're gonna get.”
“Joker...Jackson...” She looked at me intently, her bright green eyes going dark. “Goddamn, why do you have to be so stubborn? Is it asking too much to just sit down and have a drink with me? We shared something once...something beautiful. You're hurting, and so am I, ever since you left me alone that night. We can talk this out. We can catch up. Maybe we can find each other again.”
No. Fuck no.
I reached for her shoulders and pulled her in. Pressed her against the muck caked all over me, ruining the shit outta that pretty little blouse covering up her body.
First, she gasped. Then she squirmed while I held her, fighting me, whimpering in disbelief.
“No. We. Can't,” I whispered. If she didn't understand what I said with words, then the dirt would make her.
This woman had already taken a roll in the dirt with a bastard. She'd been lucky to walk away with nothing but bitter dirt, rather than blood.
Wasn't changing. Wasn't fuckin' letting her open me up, get back in my blood, and heat everything to a thousand degrees 'til I did stupid, dangerous shit that could get her killed. Hell, maybe me and my brothers, too.
She fought with her hands, slapping my chest, trying to stop the muck from getting all over her.
Too damned late. Her fight was easy. Mine, it was all on the inside, and it burned like a nuclear fire.
Took everything I had to keep from cracking, to hold my fuckin' dick down, as soon as I felt those perfect tits I'd had a dozen times pressed up against me.
Fuck, a dozen times too many. I let go.
Summer flew backward and banged against the car door when I pushed her away.
“Fucking asshole! I drove all this way for this? What the hell is wrong with you?”
“You know damned well what,” I snarled, giving her one last jagged look before I turned my back.
Had to leave her. Let sleeping fuckin' dogs fuckin' lie.
Had to let her fade away one more time.
“Lion, Tin, let the woman out. Make sure she never gets back inside these gates.”
The two new brothers looked at me. Had to be watching the whole ugly scene, even if they didn't know shit about it.
“You got it, Veep,” Tin said, getting up from his bench. Both brothers disappeared behind me, heading out there to make sure the little girl I'd left behind never showed her face here again.
Wouldn't let myself look back. No goddamned regrets.
She had to stay buried. Deep in old, evil, blood soaked ground.
Same as everything else , 'til it was time for the brothers to kill the bastards who'd murdered Freddy. Even then, nobody had the full picture.
God willing, they never would. Nobody needed the fine details that ripped my fuckin' heart out, nobody except the Prez. Dust did a noble lie for the club, for me.
He'd told the boys my brother died in an accident. He'd dropped pure bullshit so we wouldn't go in hot and crazy, waging a blood war we couldn't hope to win just then.
Someday, he'd promised. Someday was coming sooner, too, soon as we ironed out how to hit the Deads hard, and when.
“Fuck you! Take your hands off me. I'll go out the gate,” Summer screeched. I was almost to the club's door.
I stopped with my hand on the handle. Don't turn around, asshole. Let her fuckin' go.
For a second, I pinched my eyes shut, listening to her tires burn rubber as she tore through the open gate. After the mind-fuck I'd given her, she'd never be back. She'd leave me to my hell, just the way it was meant to be.
Before I could pop the door, Skin opened it, staring at me from the other side. “Already done out here? That was fast. Who the fuck was she?”
Didn't say a damned word as I pushed past, shoving my muddy arm against his cut. “Aw, fuck!”
His curse echoed after me, barking through the open bar, as I continued down the hallway to the showers.
I'd need a fuck of a lot more than hot water and good whiskey to wash away all the filth today.
5
Crash (Summer)
“Asshole, asshole, fucking asshole!” I slammed my fist on the steering wheel again, adding one more muddy streak to the worn pink cover.
I couldn't believe he'd turned me away like I was nothing.
I couldn't believe I'd stood there and taken it, expecting a miracle, when I'd learned to stop believing in them years ago.
I definitely couldn't believe he'd rubbed his filthy body against mine, caking me in dirt, forcing me to feel those hard edges all over him one more time. The ones I'd tried so hard to forget.
For years, I'd wondered how much I'd hurt confronting him like this.
Now, I knew.
It killed me. Tore out my soul a second time, dashed it to tatters before my eyes.
God damn him. My love had turned to hate.
If it weren't for the monster holding the gun to my head, I wouldn't have come back. Ever. But that demon, Hatch, reminded me why I was here every few hours, pinging the phone he'd left me with a text or another nasty voicemail.