Hear him, Katya Tocci. He's actually saying these words to you – wearing his heart on his sleeve. He would never call you names. Never make you feel bad about yourself. Never mistreat you or use you.
It was no good, though. She could tell he wanted to come up to her apartment, but she managed to laugh it off and keep him at bay. She couldn't, however, stop the good night kiss. The date was over, the gentleman expected a kiss. He wrapped her up in his arms, crushing her to him and lifting her onto her toes. She'd always liked the way Liam kissed, so out of control and full of passion. Nothing chaste about those kisses – his tongue was always part of the action. Normally, it made her want nothing more than to have his tongue in other places.
Not that night, though. She kissed him once, twice. A third time, very slowly as she stepped away. They made promises to speak in the coming days, discuss their “feelings”. When he turned to walk away, she actually held her hand over mouth, trying to keep her “feelings” inside – as well as her dinner.
She could not go home. She couldn't face Tori – the other girl would take one look at her, and know. Paradoxically, she wanted to talk to Liam. In the short time they'd known each other, she'd grown to depend on him as someone she could tell anything to; someone who could help sort out her problems. This was one problem she had to deal with on her own, though.
A man who could really love you, but you can't love him back. A man who never even liked you, and you might already be in love with him.
She burst out of her building and ran down the street. She looked ridiculous, she knew, sprinting in her high heels and short dress. She went for a couple blocks before finding a BART station. She took the stairs two at a time, almost biting it once. She managed to cling to the railing and got down without injury, then raced for the train. She slipped onto a train just as the doors were closing and she bent over, putting her hands on her knees and trying to catch her breath.
“Running late?”
Katya lifted her head to find a little old lady smiling at her. She stood upright and tucked her clutch purse under her arm.
“No, just running,” she chuckled, smoothing her hands over her hair, hoping it hadn't fallen loose.
She didn't even know what direction she was headed in, where all the train went. She stared up at a map, listened to the stops as they were called out. She rode for a while, letting the rolling motion calm her down. She leaned against a pole and even closed her eyes for a bit, just trying not to feel.
She finally got off in a neighborhood she'd never been to – she'd started to feel motion sick and had to get fresh air.
It was almost ten o'clock at night. She couldn't believe it, she'd been riding the train for almost an hour. There weren't any people around, which made her happy. It looked like it might even start raining again, which made her even happier. Something to drown her sorrows.
The next time she looked at her phone, it was after ten-thirty. She was pretty sure she was lost and she wondered if she should order an Uber. The neighborhood she'd wound up in was upscale, nice. While she was thumbing through her phone, debating whether or not she should order a ride, she wound up in a park of sorts. A long, oblong grassy space, with Roman-esque columns at one end, and a huge fountain at the other. Across the fountain was a concert hall of sorts, and music was floating out of it. Some sort of orchestral music. She smiled and made her way down to the water.
She took off her shoes, leaving them and her purse on the ground as she stepped over the cement lip of the ornate fountain. The water was cool, almost reaching her knees. She held onto her skirt and stared at the sprays of water, desperately trying to clear her head.
What had happened? Just over a month ago, her life had been so predictable. She got up, she got dressed in her plain but nice clothing, she went to work. She made cakes for people. Then she went home. Made dinner for her and Tori. Worked on designs. Then cleaned up and went to bed.
Sure it was boring, but was that so bad? One moment. One conversation with Tori, and it was suddenly like boring was the worst thing ever. Join the Eros dating site! Make a profile! It'll be great!
She'd gotten so wrapped up in pretending to be some fake profile, she'd forgotten that's not who she was – Katya was a little boring. Sweet and nice and a cake baker. And there was nothing wrong with that. She didn't need men to validate her existence. Not Wulf, and though she appreciated him, not Liam either.
She'd had her little adventure. Gone from sexual novice to sleeping with two men at once. From missionary position to anal sex. She was proud of herself, proud of the leaps and bounds she'd made. But maybe it was time to say goodbye to new-Katya, finally. She'd only brought heartache. At least old-Katya had never gotten as hurt. Of course not – old-Katya played by the rules, how could she have possibly ever gotten hurt?
Sure, you got hurt, but there were some pretty pleasurable moments, too. And some downright beautiful moments. Words said and hearts touched. It wasn't all bad.
Nope. Most of it had been great, really. It had just ended badly. She sniffled and held back tears as she waded to the edge of the fountain. Ended so badly. She climbed onto the ledge, then turned back to face the fountain one more time. There was applause coming from the hall across the street, the show was ending. The night was over.
Take a bow, call it good, and gain some control over your life.
She took a deep breath, finally ready to do just that. She was on her toes, gingerly turning around, when a voice came out of the darkness behind her.
“What in the fuck are you doing down here?”
She actually shrieked, she was so startled. She also jerked her head up, which caused her to lose her balance. She windmilled her arms, attempted to tap dance her way back to standing upright, but in the end, gravity won. She screamed again as she fell backwards, landing hard on her ass inside the fountain. Freezing cold water was surrounding her, her dress becoming a second skin as it was instantly soaked. She gagged and choked on water, coughing while she cleared her eyes.
“You're joking,” she gasped when she could finally see again.
Wulf was standing at the edge of the fountain. A street lamp was directly behind him, outlining him in shiny white light. He looked like a dream.
More like a night terror.
“Did you come looking for me?” he asked.
Katya was immediately enraged and she climbed to her feet, smacking away the helping hand he offered.
“How the fuck would I know you'd be here!?” she growled at him, wading towards the edge. He offered a hand once more, and again, she slapped it away. She tried to march to the right, to get away from him, but he just followed.
“Because I live down here,” he finally answered her. She stopped moving for a moment and gaped at him.
“You do not,” she breathed.