Challenging her, I say, “Go to the mall, query every man and woman that passes by and ask them if they know what the meatus on a man is. I can guarantee you no one will know.”
“Ugh, the education in this country.” She folds her arms over her chest indignantly and sticks her chin in the air. “For your information, the meatus is part of the urethra. I hope you keep yours clean.”
“Christ.” I run my hand over my face.
“Hey, you wanted to talk about sex tonight. This is your doing.”
“We’re not talking about sex, we’re talking about fucking pee holes on a man. Can we at least talk about nipples or something? Jesus, Emma.”
She starts flipping through the pages of the Playboy rapidly and says, “Ugh, men. They always have to go back to the breasts. Heaven forbid a woman gets to talk about what entices her.”
“All right, what entices you? Besides a good meatus, that conversation is fucking over.”
“What do you mean? What can get me to strip my clothes down?”
I laugh from Emma’s words. For some reason, I can’t quite see her as a girl who strips down. In my mind, she’s shy in the bedroom—sweet, innocent—but then again, I’m learning a lot more about Emma here. Maybe she’s a little wild, different to what I presume.
“Yeah. What turns you on, Emma?”
Her posture switches from confident to modest in seconds. She quickly brings her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around her shins to keep her legs close to her body. She rests her chin on her knees and avoids all eye contact with me while she speaks. “What turns me on? Hmm, besides the obvious meatus?” She giggles.
“No more fucking meatus. Christ, woman.”
“Fine. All right, what turns me on.” She thinks for a second and I know immediately when she comes up with her answer because her pretty cheeks stain pink with embarrassment. It’s fucking adorable. “The kiss.”
“The kiss? Explain.”
She quirks her lips to the side, a picture of innocence and joy on her face. “The kiss. How can I even describe it? It’s the defining moment of any new beginning. It can either make or break what’s to happen next.” She sighs and looks off to the side. “It’s all about the pressure of his lips, the passion in the way he holds me, and the confidence in his body language. It should be soft, delicate, but also passionate, as if my lips are the only thing holding him up. Nothing sloppy, nothing too demanding, just the right amount of yearning that won’t scare me away. It should sweep me up into a dreamland where I forget everything around us, where I’m captured between two strong hands and one set of perfectly attentive lips. The kiss, the kiss is everything, Tucker.”
Silence falls between us as I think about her words.
Fuck.
Why do I want to kiss her now? Why do I want to prove myself to her, to see if my kiss would be everything she wanted? This is Emma, my friend, someone I’ve cared about my whole life, not someone I’ve wanted romantically. The only person I’ve ever wanted, tasted, is Sadie. But fuck, that ship has sailed, even though I’m still not in a place of my life where I want to say goodbye. I still feel bitter. And fuck me if I still don’t want her . . .
“It’s stupid, I know.” Emma cuts through my thoughts and shrugs. “I’m a dreamer.”
Shaking all thoughts of Sadie out of my head, I focus on Emma and clear my throat. “It’s not stupid. It’s sexy.”
“Sexy?” Her nose scrunches cutely.
“Yeah, sexy. You know what you want. That’s hot.”
She stares at me for a few brief seconds before her hand covers her mouth and she starts to giggle.
Fucking giggle.
What’s so damn funny about me saying that’s sexy?
Growing a little irritated, I ask, “Why the hell are you laughing?”
She waves her hand in front of her face, trying to ward off the giggles. When she composes herself, she says, “I’m sorry. It’s just . . .” she bites her lip and looks up at me through her eyelashes, “Tucker Jameson just said that something I said was sexy.”
“So?” Why am I not getting this?
“Oh, come on.” She gives me a pointed look. “You’re the hometown heartbreaker.”
“The what?”
She clenches her knees even closer to her body as her cheeks blush. Her blue eyes search me over, making me feel exposed, as if I really should know what she’s talking about. Honestly, I have no clue.
“Figures.” She smiles. “You were so wrapped up in Sadie, you had no idea how many hearts you were breaking with every kiss you gave her. You were the boy, Tucker. Every girl wanted you to look their way, to give them a second of your time, to . . .” she swallows hard and continues, “to be swept up into your world.”
I grab the back of my neck uncomfortably. “That’s, uh . . .” Fuck, what does someone say to that? “That’s interesting.” I cringe inwardly.
Emma chuckles and shakes her head. “You’re so oblivious. You always have been. And it never made sense why you thought you weren’t good enough for Sadie.”
“Clearly, I wasn’t.” My voice is forlorn, pensive almost.
Emma scoots closer and puts her hand on mine, causing me to look her in the eyes. “You were good enough to be with her, Tucker. You just weren’t right for her.”
Seems to be the common opinion amongst our group of friends, besides me. Not for one fucking minute did I think I wasn’t right for Sadie. In fact, I thought I was the perfect fit for her. We’d been through hell and back together. Up until she met her boyfriend Andrew, there was nothing I didn’t know about her; there was nothing she kept hidden from me.
Irritation consumes me, my patience growing thin quickly with every memory of Sadie that passes through my mind.
“I don’t believe that,” I answer honestly, my voice stern, to the point. “Sadie was the love of my life. Is . . . she is the love of my life.” I run my hand over my face and try to calm my racing heart.
“Tucker, I didn’t mean to—”
“You know what, it’s getting late,” I snap. “I think we should call it a night.” I snag the magazine from bed and toss it to the side, putting an end to our “sex talk.”
“Oh . . . okay.” Emma shifts off the bed, her voice weak. “I didn’t mean to offend you, Tucker.”
Consider me fucking offended.
“It’s fine. I’ll catch you later, Emma.” And just like that, I shut down, tucking myself into bed and letting her show her way out of my bedroom.
There are two things I don’t want to talk about, ever: my mom and Sadie. Both topics cause me pain, self-hatred, and make me question every aspect of my desperately pathetic and shitty life.
As she slowly leaves my room, I turn on my side away from her and her “opinion”, still fuming from thoughts of Sadie, of everyone’s doubt in our relationship. Of fucking Sadie’s doubt in our relationship. She didn’t even give me a second chance to prove to her that I’m the man she needs. Not a boy, but the MAN she fucking needs.
No, Emma, you’re wrong.
I wasn’t good enough.
I wasn’t good enough for Sadie to stay.
Chapter Nine