“Oh my God,” I gasp, clutching my hand to my chest as my heart skips a beat. Ordinarily, something like this would have sent me through the roof, but I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach.
The tears are back, and I fucking hate it. I’m two seconds away from being a blubbering mess again and it’s for all the wrong reasons.
“Marry me, Rose,” Logan implores, his heart in his eyes. It tears at me. He can see my pain, and I can see his. “Marry me tonight.” He pauses and says, “Or tomorrow at the latest.”
I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out. This should be the happiest moment of my life. I should be jumping up and down with joy, yet all I can feel is a heavy, crushing pain that refuses to get the fuck off my chest.
The heavy feeling is compounded by the knowledge of why Logan wants me to marry him tonight.
Because he knows he might not be here tomorrow.
The thought is nearly enough to bring me to my knees and I sway like a leaf in the wind. Logan catches me before I can fall, and I hate myself for it. Here I am falling to pieces, when I should be strong for him. For us both. Logan continues the assault on my heart, though I know he doesn’t mean to. “If something happens to me, I want you to have everything. The business, all my assets. Everything.”
I shake my head, feeling like I’m being suffocated. “No, Logan. I refuse to accept it, and I don’t-I can’t marry you for that… That’s not-” I shake my head, unable to accept this and unable to talk and my heart tries to leap up my throat. I can’t take the thought of him dying. I can’t bear it.
Logan continues to hold me tight and it breaks my heart because I know he’s using what little strength he has to hold onto me. “I want you to marry me because I fucking love you.”
The pain is surreal. I’m so choked up that it’s hard to breathe, much less get out words. “Logan…” I croak.
Logan pulls me in tighter, kissing the tears staining my face. “Just tell me yes, Rose. I need this. Don’t deny me, my Rose.” He squeezes me weakly.
My words are choked and reflect the pain I’m in as I stare into his loving gaze. “Only if you promise to never leave me,” I whisper, barely hanging on by a thread. I know it’s a promise that Logan has no way of knowing he can keep, but I want it anyway.
Logan hesitates and it sends a sharp pain into my heart. In this moment, a promise is a hollow thing. We both know it. But I need to hear it. I need something to hold on to. “I’ll do my best,” Logan finally replies, and it doesn’t make me feel any better. “I’ll stick around forever... or for as long as I'm able to fight.”
I can’t take anymore.
Feeling like my heart is going to explode, I collapse against him and sob into his chest until I’m all spent.
Over and over I tell him, “I love you, Logan.” I plead with him, “Don’t leave me.”
“I love you, my Rose,” he says softly and with a sincerity I can’t deny.
Chapter 34
Logan
“This is where he lives?” my Rose asks me as she slips out of the car. I have my hand held out for her, and although she rests her small hand in mine, she doesn’t put her weight in it. I wish she would. I wish she wouldn't walk on eggshells around me.
It was better when I’d kept it hidden. When she didn’t know about the cancer, and was blissfully unaware.
Things are different between us, and in some ways I hate it. Like this moment, when she didn’t even want me to drive. Others are sweeter now that her walls have fallen down and she doesn’t hide a thing from me. Those moments make it all worth it.
I stretch out and even though it’s brisk in the early morning, the chill feels refreshing.
“Yes, it’s been… nearly seven years now.” I answer her question as she takes in the ancient stone building. I shell out a pretty penny for my father to live here, but it’s the best service and quality that any place has to offer for him in his state.
My heart pains in my chest at the thought; I almost had myself admitted to a similar environment.
I close the door with a heavy heart as Rose’s heels click on the sidewalk and a breeze lifts the dried leaves off the ground, causing a soft rustling to fill my senses.
My body did not take the first week of radiation well. I was constantly nauseated and fatigued. And worried that the inevitable was going to happen. I wanted to send Rose away. I did try though, several times, and had I been well, she would have beat the shit out of me.
Five days on and two days off. That weekend I recovered well and Rose stayed by my side the entire time and told me to fuck off when I tried to send her away.
The thought brings a smile to my lips as I look up and watch her walking up the rough stone stairs of the building in her heels. She’s gripping the railing and I’m quick to make my way over and hold her waist, helping her to balance.
She smiles sweetly, the chill making her cheeks flush a beautiful shade of pink. Her engagement band clinks on the metal railing as we walk up together, and the sound fills me with pride.