I lean against a nearby ledge and check my phone, though I don’t have any text messages. There are a few random Snapchats, including one from Livvy that’s part of her story. A photo of her kissing Ryan’s cheek out on the football field right after the game, it’s captioned “my boo,” accompanied by a bunch of heart-eyes emojis. It makes me happy to see her acknowledging Ryan and not stressing over Dustin.
“You really think he likes her?”
I lift my head when I hear the question, though I don’t see anyone else around.
“Of course not. It’s just a phase. Like she’s worthy of Tuttle. Have you ever really looked at her? She’s so plain and boring.”
“They looked pretty cozy on the bus. He had his arm around her. I saw him kiss her too.”
“Please. I don’t know why he’s doing this. Maybe he’s slumming it? Oh!” Lauren Mancini and her gang suddenly appear, Brianne Brown one of them. The shocked look on Lauren’s face is totally fake. She knew I was close by. She made sure to say all of those mean things on purpose.
And I can’t deny hearing them talk about me cut like a knife.
I cross my arms and glare at her, but otherwise don’t say a word.
“Oops. Guess you overheard us, huh?” Lauren giggles, and so do the rest of her friends.
I remain quiet. What can I say? They’ll tear me apart no matter what. I can’t win with this group.
“What, can’t bother to defend yourself since deep down inside, you know we’re speaking the truth?” Lauren’s perfectly arched brows rise. “Whatever you’re doing with Jordan Tuttle, it’s going to end badly. For you.”
She’s right. I’m sure she’s right. It’s why I avoided him in the first place. Why I pushed him away when he tried to take it further. Here I go again, allowing him to get closer, yet I still don’t know much about him. He’s so secretive. Not much of a talker. I think I want to know more, but do I really?
Why should I bother if all it’s going to get me is grief and heartache?
A car pulls up and Livvy leaps out of the passenger side, running toward me with a big smile on her face. She skids to a stop when she spots Lauren and the rest of her gang and the smile fades.
“Am I interrupting something?” she asks.
“Nothing important.” Lauren beams. “Gearing up to give Ryan an extra good blowjob for winning tonight, huh? I’m sure that’s his favorite way to see you—on your knees.” They all start cracking up.
Livvy glares, her eyes lingering on Brianne Brown. Of course. “At least I have a gorgeous boyfriend who wants me to suck his dick, unlike you,” she says to Lauren. The sharp gasps that ring through the air make Liv laugh. She takes my hand. “Come on, Amanda. Let’s ditch these bitches.”
I let Livvy pull me away from Lauren and her mean girls, but I start dragging my feet when she doesn’t stop. “I can’t leave. I promised Jordan.”
“Are you two getting together tonight?” Livvy sucks in a surprised breath. “How exciting! Are you gonna hang out? Go to dinner or something?”
“We’re going back to his place,” I mumble.
Livvy’s face falls. “Oh. Don’t tell me you’re going to watch a movie.”
I frown. “Why do you ask?” He hasn’t mentioned exactly what we’ll be doing, and I hadn’t thought to question him.
“It’s just that…” Her voice drifts and she clears her throat. “I’m going to be honest with you, Amanda. And I’m not saying this to be mean like Lauren, but I want you to know the truth.”
“The truth about what? Come on, Liv. You’re scaring me.”
“Okay.” She takes a deep breath, like she needs to prepare herself. “Whenever Tuttle takes a girl into the theater room at his house, that’s basically code for, ‘Give me a blowjob now.’ That’s all he ever wants from girls. Blowjobs. That’s it. He’s a total BJ whore.” Livvy’s expression is full of sympathy. “You don’t think that’s all he wants from you, do you?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t think so.” But what do I know? Look what happened with Thad. I didn’t give it up to him quick enough, and he screwed my old best friend instead.
Maybe I’m too much of a prude. Maybe guys give up so easily on me because I don’t put out. Maybe that’s what I need to do—put out for Jordan Tuttle. Get on my knees and…
I wince. I have no idea how to do something like that. I’d probably make a fool of myself and do something wrong. And then Tuttle wouldn’t like me anymore. It would be over. He probably prefers a girl with experience, and I am not that girl.
Dumped because I can’t give a blowjob. Or even a hand job. That would be awful. Humiliating.
“Don’t do anything you’re not ready to do,” Livvy says firmly. “I’m serious. Don’t let him pressure you.”
Turning away from her, I blow out a harsh breath. “What’s it like anyway?”
“What’s what like?”
I turn back around to face her. “Giving a blowjob. Or a hand job—like, what does it feel like, touching his…”
Livvy looks like she wants to smile, but she’s doing her best to keep a straight face. “Touching his—penis?”